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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GCSEs party tomorrow evening at friend’s house

96 replies

Italianmoma1983 · 19/08/2020 09:40

My dc is going to a GCSEs party tomorrow to one of her friend. She asked us if she could take some fizz there and we said yes as long as the parents hosting are ok with it and that they will also be present at the party. We are going to chat to the parents today to check that everything is ok with them. We are also going to talk about alcohol and safety again with our dc.

Dc has another friend that would be going to the party whom I know the mum. I don’t think dc’s friend is going to tell her mum that there will be alcohol at the party because she is really strict. My dc assured me that he friend wouldn’t be drinking. I want to tell the mum (who is a new friend of mine) that there will be alcohol at the party but dc exploded with anger telling me not to say a thing to the mum, dh thinks the same. I feel uneasy keeping it secret - although maybe the mum is not naive will know that there will be alcohol at that party ?

YANBU - say something
YANU - mind your business

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 19/08/2020 09:43

Should they even be having a party at all, during a pandemic?

Original poster
Italianmoma1983 · 19/08/2020 09:44

They will be only 6 kids

OP posts:
Imaystillbedrunk · 19/08/2020 09:45

Not your job to tell, if she asks you don't lie, but don't just pass on the information if you're not asked. Her daughter may not then be able to go.

She can't be that strict if her daughter is allowed to attend a party in a pandemic

Elasticate · 19/08/2020 09:48

As you aren't hosting the party, I wouldn't say anything. It's up to the other mum to check with the hosts / the hosts to tell her what the situation is.

Finfintytint · 19/08/2020 09:53

Years ago I spoke to the mum of one of ds’ friends about alcohol and arrangements at the party, etc. The response was “What party? We’re away for the night” Grin

TweetUsOnFacebook · 19/08/2020 09:54

I wouldn't say anything. It sounds like it's just a little bit of alcohol to celebrate -
If the parents are present I'm sure they're not all going to be getting their stomachs pumped at the end of the night.

MsJaneAusten · 19/08/2020 09:55

Don’t say anything. You’re happy with the arrangements for your DC. Let the other mum ensure she’s happy with the arrangements for hers.

FizzyPink · 19/08/2020 09:56

I just wouldn’t say anything. My parents were strict growing up and wouldn’t have allowed us to go to a party where there was alcohol at that age had they known about it but we all hated the taste anyway so weren’t in any danger of actually drinking any or getting drunk.
I’d have been really upset with a friend if their parent decided to tell mine which then led to me not being allowed to go.

Original poster
Italianmoma1983 · 19/08/2020 09:56

Thank you !! I’m glad I asked Smile

OP posts:
paastumho · 19/08/2020 09:59

how strange having a party on results day. What if they don't get the grades they wanted? are they still expected to celebrate

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2020 10:01

Is it an outdoor party?
You can’t meet with six households indoors.

user1471500037 · 19/08/2020 10:04

I hope they have a great time!

Original poster
Italianmoma1983 · 19/08/2020 10:05

They all got predicted great grades

OP posts:
Jamhandprints · 19/08/2020 10:05

They can't have a party can they?

minnieok · 19/08/2020 10:06

Not your responsibility to tell the mum, the host parents are ones in charge, keep out if I were you. I used to let my kids have the premixed Caribbean cocktail bottles which are only 4% alcohol for parties, it's basically pop but they thought it was sophisticated. There was always some who chose not to drink, I left my dd to have her 16th party unsupervised (sister upstairs) and cane back to find 8 young ladies drinking tea dunking biscuits, they had shared one bottle of Prosecco then switched to tea!

RedHelenB · 19/08/2020 10:07

@paastumho, presumably they know what their teachers gave assessed them at?

My dds always celebrated or commiserate on results day regardless.

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2020 10:08

Their actually centre assessed grades might not be the same as predicted grades you’ve been given in the past.

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2020 10:09

presumably they know what their teachers gave assessed them at?

Every school I’ve heard about hasn’t released their centre assessed grades until after results day.

InfiniteSheldon · 19/08/2020 10:09

Absolutely check my son had a gcse party with a few friends in my house. I was abroad on a training course and thought he was at his dad's. His dad thought I'd given permission. He had about 20 turn up and my neighbour was forced to intervened at midnight. My son spent nearly 8 hours tidying up and we all learnt several lessons. It could have been so much much worse.

Also yabvvvvvvu it's a fucking pandemic get a grip and parent your child ffs no party is the only party a teenager should be going to right now.

MorganKitten · 19/08/2020 10:13

Why are you letting 16 year olds drink when not supervised by you?

dwiz8 · 19/08/2020 10:13

I definitely wouldn't advise telling the other friends mother

You have checked the situation for your child, it's down to the friends mother to check for her own. If she hasn't done that then it's on here imo

I hope they all get the results they hope for and enjoy the party!!

fiveguy · 19/08/2020 10:15

How are 6 households allowed to mixConfused

fedup2017 · 19/08/2020 10:20

Don't tell the mother.
I hope they all get what they need and enjoy the party.
DS was due to go to a BBQ. He is being a bit vague about the details...... It's meant to be outside but it will be raining, I think

I think if you don't currently have a teenager you can't understand how difficult the last 6 months have been..... I'm trusting him to be sensible but I'm aware that there may be some rule breaking. I can't get excited about it tbh.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/08/2020 10:20

Mine wouldn’t be having alcohol at sixteen so I would be cross if other parents supplied it but neither would they be mixing like that during a pandemic.

PhilCornwall1 · 19/08/2020 10:26

@notanothertakeaway

Should they even be having a party at all, during a pandemic?
First response in and you knew it would be this.