About organ donation?

[hauntedvagina]

It's come to light recently that I have several family members who would not want to donate their organs when they die. However they would accept a donor organ if their life depended on it.

I'm a firm believer in organ donation, once I'm gone the doctors can help themselves to whatever they need. However I also believe that if you're not prepared to give, you shouldn't expect to receive. AIBU here?

No you're not, its incredibly selfish

We don't have a two-tier or tit-for-tat medical system.

Donated organs should go to those with the highest medical need, not those who we deem "worthy".

Donating an organ is a gift, it is not an obligation.

I morally agree, its selfish and hypocritical, but I also think its morally wrong to refuse someone treatment based on your judgement of their morals.
Some people may not agree with this.. My dad has said he doesn't want to donate his organs. My brothers and I have agreed that we would donate them regardless, he has never been religious, he wont know and he wont need them.

It's come to light recently that I have several family members who would not want to donate their organs when they die. However they would accept a donor organ if their life depended on it.

They just sound like a common-or-garden hypocrite. It would affect how I felt about them, and I would be reluctant to ever go above and beyond for them, knowing they were such selfish people.

I totally understand your frustration and share it too, but I think it’s an admirable and fundamental principle of our healthcare system that we don’t deny people healthcare based on their beliefs, attitudes or moral decency.

I need a kidney!! It is the greatest possible gift anyone could ever give, and will literally transform my life and that of my small children (it is them I care about more then me). I also have seen rotting corpses (Work in a hospital) and I know that once you are dead, your organs do not last long anyway. But it is such a personal choice and while my heart breaks for all those waiting, my heart also breaks for all those making the decision at that time.
I hope it would bring some peace to know that if I were to get someone’s loved ones kidney, I would be grateful every day of my life and try to pay that forward.

I don't understand why anybody would ever be against organ donation- what are you going to do with it once you're dead? What a gift to give. I would think very badly if anyone who told me that they wouldn't give their organs.

I can see few objections to organ donation and the idea of improving or saving numerous lives definitely appeals, but it’s their right.
We don’t offer a health service based on contributions. All people are treated free at the point of delivery, according to need. Long may that last.

@SandysMam

I hope it would bring some peace to know that if I were to get someone’s loved ones kidney, I would be grateful every day of my life and try to pay that forward.

My mum died suddenly when I was younger, she donated several organs including her kidneys. The only comfort I got from her death was a lovely letter from one of the people who received one of her kidneys (anonymous of course, the hospital passed it on to us), which said how grateful they were and how much their life had improved and now they had the energy to play with their kids etc. I don't have the letter anymore sadly, but I think about it when I miss her and hope that the recipient is doing okay out there somewhere. Hope you get a donor soon.

My mum 'doesnt believe' in organ donation. She doesn't think it extends anyones life for more than a few months and is a waste of money. To be fair, she claims she wouldn't accept one, either.

My dad and I are agreed that if she dies and is suitable, we'll offer the organs anyway. Because she'll be dead. We haven't told her this, because what good could come of it?

I hope when I go that I can be an organ donor. It’s the only thing that I think alleviates the pointlessness of death.
I would be mega pissed at people who are happy to take but not give. True of organ donation, charity, taxes and benefits. I think if you’re in a position to help or pitch in for the greater good then you should. But if you don’t want to then I think you’re a dick, but not unworthy of help.

I morally agree, its selfish and hypocritical, but I also think its morally wrong to refuse someone treatment based on your judgement of their morals.

I agree with this.

Would you extend your rule to blood, OP? If someone who is able to donate blood doesn't because they can't be bothered/don't want to, should they still receive blood if necessary?

My dsis died waiting for a liver. She had carried a donor card from her teens.

YABU, however, OP. The only criteria for transplant is medical need. An organ must never be seen as a reward for good behaviour.

I decided against after I saw the documentary about the "brain dead" danish teenager who they were going to harvest organs from, and then she woke up! I'm not convinced that they actually know when you're dead. It also seems that death is a process, so our methods of detecting death could be lacking.

The harvesting of organs can be very traumatic for loved ones, I'm not comfortable that they no longer get a say, they are the ones who have to live with any consequences.

@TheGreatWave

Relatives have always, and still do have, a say about organ donation.

It's heartening to see that many of you agree.

Just to be clear, it's not a "rule", it was more of a moral conundrum. I get the impression from relatives that they have some sort of ick factor regarding donating organs, not feeling complete, surgery after death, etc...yet would be happy to walk around with someone else's insides on their insides if that meant saving their life.

With regards to giving blood, again I'm a firm believer that if you can, you should (and I do).

From the NHS organ donation website...

Will my family still be asked about donating my organs after 20 May 2020?

Yes. The family of a potential donor will always be approached to discuss the option of organ and tissue donation. This helps to make sure that any decision recorded on the NHS Organ Donor Register is your latest known decision.

A specialist nurse will work with the family to help ensure this is supported. Your family can tell us about any particular requests or requirements you may have had to help ensure that organ donation goes ahead in line with your faith or beliefs. Your family provide important information about your medical, travel and social history too. The information your family provides would help ensure your organs are safe for others to receive.

What if my family object to my organ donation decision?

If your family, or those closest to you, object to donation even when you have given your permission (either by telling relatives, friends or clinical staff, by joining the NHS Organ Donor Register or by carrying a donor card) healthcare professionals will discuss the matter sensitively with them.

They will be encouraged to accept your decision and it will be made clear that they do not have the legal right to veto or overrule your decision. There may, nevertheless, be cases where it would be inappropriate for donation to go ahead if donation would cause distress to your family.

YABU. Saying that I can't receive and organ because I refuse to donate is like saying I can't receive a COVID jab when it's available because I've not participated in the scientific research for it.

Medical treatment is given based on need and on the probable best outcome. Whether or not the recipient of an organ is the most deserving in terms of their personality is ridiculous.

@Popc0rn thanks for your wishes and for your amazing mum! I have sent you a little PM, hope you don’t mind!
for everyone having to make this their business.

@MaskingForIt totally off topic but I had no idea the phrase was common or garden.

There is no way I would ever wish to receive an organ from someone else. I accept there is a time to live and a time to die and that time is of varying lengths for individuals. I don't wish to donate my organs.

However, I accept others have different views on this and I do think that, if you aren't prepared to donate your organs, you should not agree to go on the transplant list yourself (unless there is a valid reason why you cannot donate).

I wish there was a space on the organ donor opt in page where you could note any specific wishes. I don't wish to donate my reproductive organs. They can have anything else, for anyone. As it is, I can't specify this so I've had to be a lot more restrictive (although I am still going to donate if they want my organs).

So? It's your body...your choice. So what if it's selfish?

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite I totally respect your view, I have no choice but to accept an organ, my kids are so tiny and need me so badly I have to do whatever I can to be there to grow them up! But yes, there are definitely times when I can’t face any of it and think it would just be easier to fade away. Life is such a funny old thing!