25 years old, first job (volunteering)- should I just quit?

[Honeybeexo]

Just to put a bit of background to this, I have Aspergers, no kids, I’m on a lot of medications for diff medical conditions which can cause drowsiness and I’m on universal credit for disability, I honestly forget the name of the benefit as my dad helps me out with it.

So. I’ve felt like this for a long time, long before I was diagnosed but recently, after a very long period of being unemployed and out of education, I decided to get the balls to volunteer as a cash desk assistant at a charity shop/ thrift store. I’m in the U.K. but it doesn’t really matter.

I started my new volunteer cash desk role today.

When I arrived I went in the back to the sorting room and they were all sharing a huge cake, and tea, they didn’t offer me anything and I didn’t really care because I’m on a diet but I felt a bit...left out? Especially as the other new girl (fourth paragraph down) was having it too.

It’s mainly older women there, and they’re...quite nice. It’s just my anxiety made me take a long while to get used to the cash register/till and they had a bit of a joke to each other about not leaving me alone (incase I messed it up) but in general were mainly friendly. However, I felt so awful for taking ages, I apologised to every single customer and said it was my first day to the ones who asked, and most understood.

As I mentioned, a new young girl also works there but she does the behind the scenes stuff, sorting out the donations, while I do the cash register/general cleaning. I went upstairs to grab my handbag out the locker and because I’m so quiet she jumped, I politely asked her if she could get the manager (lots of bags in the way I couldn’t step over), and she smirked and shouted “the girl who’s working here who I can’t remember the name of needs you”.

Young people my age (teens and twenties) NEVER like me, they always see something in me they want to pick on and I feel so low and paranoid.

Her and the manager were getting on like a house on fire and I never got that reception when I arrived because I’m shit at socialising. I always will be. Some of the older women talked to me and so did the manager, and I was very polite.

I know I appear weird, I don’t want to out myself but have an English accent and am shy and they’re all Scottish and sociable...I just feel like I’m getting in the way of people I don’t know and the amount of times I said sorry this morning must have been about 100 or more, when I cocked up the till, when I accidentally knocked things over, when I accidentally made the girl get a fright...just everything.

I am proud of myself for jumping into work, and I’m gritting my teeth and going back on Friday when part of me just wants to give up, not to mention I’m exhausted due to my meds, but I don’t know.

I just feel like I need a hug and someone to say, hey, you’re gonna be okay. I’m just lonely as hell, shit socially in the workplace and shit at making friends.

Sorry for the vent.

Spent the whole evening crying and crying, maybe out of tiredness but maybe just because I feel so lonely

I think you need to give it more than one day. The first few days of a job are exhausting, but things may get better as you learn the ropes.

What a wonderful thing you're doing by volunteering! I'm sorry you've felt unwelcome in your new post today, you should feel immensely proud that desire obstacles you've managed to find a placement and try your best. I'd really encourage you not to 'quit' just yet, try another shift and see how it goes.
It's no excuse but sometimes people don't know how to react to someone who is 'different' to them and possibly this is what's occurred today (I'm not excusing anything)
But hold your head high and keep ploughing on x

I have none of your difficulties and have felt the same at the start of every job I’ve ever had.

I try to remember that everyone is too busy thinking about themselves to pay attention to what I’m doing. And that everyone was new at some point. I can touch type at a reasonable speed but when someone is watching me I lose it completely so every new job when I’m being shown how to sign in etc I feel like a fool but I’m comparing myself to myself, the other person has no idea what my best looks like so it’s not worth stressing about - I still stress but I accept it’s silly.

I’d say don’t quit. See if Friday is any better, if it’s not worse go the next shift and think some more.

You are going to be OK.

Give it a chance and if it doesn't work out, it's them not you.

Wow, well done for getting out there and volunteering. That must have taken some guts as it doesn't sound like it was easy for you.

Tireness always makes me more teary and it will have been emotionally exhausting for you today.

First days are often more crap than a normal day at work, so maybe give it a bit more time. If you're still not feeling any better about it in a few weeks, you can reassess. Nothing is worth damaging your mental health for.

Don't forget to make a note somewhere of all the things you are learning - even if that's just how to deal with difficult people.

If it doesn't work out here, there's no reason why you couldn't try volunteering somewhere else. in some fields, being quiet and thoughtful would be a positive advantage.

You have done the hardest part day one. No one knows anything g on day one and because you are nervous you learn very little and everything goes wrong. Your day doesn’t sound too bad compared to some I have had:)

Stick with this because being lonely is hard and this naught help you be less lonely. A friend here and there can work wonders. Just because the other new girl and the manager were looking like friends already it doesn’t mean anything. People do the whole intense friends thing g way too quickly - they. Fall out, move jobs and never get back in touch etc. Real friendship grows more slowly. Keep being you and see how it goes. If you don’t like it in a few months try somewhere else - it can be them not you.

Well done - keep going

When i was a manager i used to say no one is born knowing this stuff we all need to learn it. So give yourself a break, enjoy talk to the customers just inane chatter will do. Realise you will learn it so what if you u take longer that someone else genuinely does not matter.
With the social stuff honestly some people are more quickly open and friendly, others take longer to relax and becone part of the team. It is what it is, relax be yourself you will take longer to becone part of the team thats ok.
Honestly everyone you are working with understands that people are different, its only you that thinks you need to fit in straight away. They will understand that sone people take longer to relax and feel confident.

Please allow yourself to acknowledge how brilliantly you have managed. It will take time but will become easier as you gain more practice.

Good on you for volunteering!

New jobs are always hard. You don’t know people, you don’t know where anything is, you don’t know what to do. It’s stressful and tiring.

Give it a couple of weeks and I’m sure it will get easier. This will be great for you personally but volunteering is also so great for the community.

Stop apologising. You can explain without apologising - you'll come across as much more confident.

Eg to customer if you're taking a while at the till: "please bear with me a moment, I only started here recently and will be finished with your transaction very shortly".

To jumpy girl: "please can you get manager, and my name is xx - what was yours again?"

Well done for volunteering. I'm sure the next shift will be better.

I’m only doing an hour or so here and there but it’s just so hard after years of not doing anything work wise, and being drowsy as hell most of the time. I’ve joined a slimming club too this week so compared to most other weeks where I do nothing it’s been a ‘big’ week for me. Got a terrible headache from all the crying so will likely be heading to bed soon, but thanks for all the nice comments, I really appreciate them

Sending hugs! Be proud of yourself for going.

Honestly, I know it seems hard but the other girl who started with you - she may not have been smirking at you. She could be a bit shy or awkward herself.

You could end up quite liking each other and getting along fine! Obviously I don't know, but sometimes things work out in an unexpected way and your first impressions are not always right, especially if you lack confidence.

They were bloody rude not to offer you some cake and tea! Unbelievably so!

You stick with it...don't let that rude young girl get to you either. You may be autistic but your social skills and understanding sound better than hers...maybe she has some disabilities too?

She should have asked your name when you made her jump...not shouted what she shouted.

Go back and carry on...you'll learn all the technical stuff in no time. Then you can work on getting more experience.

How very brilliant of you to go and be a volunteer. One thing that you said, was that the customers were nice to you, when you thought that you had made a mistake etc, so that means they spoke to you, and knew that you were new to the job. The other staff are just being in the wrong if they don't much speak to you. If you like being in the job, just keep busy, and do what you have to do.

Once you settle into this place, you will feel much better, and learn a few new things, and feel more confident. And as you know, volunteering is very important in some places. So hope you will feel happier about your job soon.

You’ve taken the first brave step of volunteering and can be so proud of yourself. Sometimes when we feel anxious about stuff it can seem like everyone else but us is confident and knows what to do. However, it’s usual to take time to get to know new systems and skills and the people working there are likely to have felt unconfident or unsure at first when they were new. Try to notice the things you get right and that go well or when people are friendly. Give it a chance and it will start to get easier, soon you’ll get used to things like the till and the routine will become familiar.

This is a busy week for you so be very kind to yourself and keep reminding yourself that lots of hugs and good wishes are coming your way from MN. It’s ok, you’re doing great and you can do this.

You're learning something new so please give yourself a break. I don't just mean the cash register, but a new morning routine, commuting, workplace dynamics, coworkers names, customer service. It's a lot. You wouldn't be so hard on yourself if you couldn't learn to drive in one day or if you couldn't play the piano after just one lesson, would you? Try, try again as the saying goes. Today might have just been a bad day rather than a measure of how things will be all the time. If you can stick it out for the month, do that, then you'll know better whether or not it's for you. Also, talk to the manager about how you are feeling as s/he might be able to reassure you.

Re she smirked and shouted “the girl who’s working here who I can’t remember the name of needs you”.

Does this girl have any additional needs? It seems quite rude if not. I'd also be taken aback/offended at this. Why not just say "I'm really sorry, I've forgotten your name" rather than shout that?

Every journey begins with a step.

You’ve made your first one 🥳 and well done to you!

Don’t dismiss how brave you’re being, and don’t expect to know everything at once.

If you had a friend who came to you and told you what you’ve told us, what would you say to her?

Be your own best friend Honeybeexo

Hugs for you OP and great effort for getting out there in the workplace.

As others have said, give yourself more than a day to get used to everything. I remember volunteering in a hospital at 18 and basically made a pig's ear of quite a lot of things - much more cringeworthy than having problems with a till ..... and now I work in a hospital environment, and think nothing of it. But it did take 30 years!!

You sound very articulate and self aware, and no doubt you can pick things up pretty quickly, but a day is not enough. Keep going for a bit and you'll get there .

Stick with it a bit longer if you can. I find in jobs people underestimate me and don’t bother with me too much to begin with but then when they realise I’m committed, hardworking and want to learn things change. Relationships take time to build. Be kind of yourself, so many people wouldn’t have the confidence to put themselves forward for volunteering especially in a customer facing role but you’ve done that.

If it helps, it sounds like you've had a very normal first day at work! It does get better.

At my current place of work I was so scared to talk to people on my first day, I was sat at a desk in a room on my own and didn't know I could get up and walk to see other people. As I left that day I heard colleagues laughing at how quiet I am. These people are now really good friends of mine, it was all just banter but was difficult to see at first when you're the outsider.

I suffer with social anxiety, and the only way I know to combat it is to socialise, unfortunately! Focus on the positive outcomes as best you can.

Good luck with your new role :)

I used to volunteer in a charity shop and the other volunteers on duty changed almost every week - so you may not have the same girl with you again anyway.
First days are a bit tough so I’d definitely try and give yourself a few shifts to see how it goes.
Also are your roles set? I used to love sorting the clothes but didn’t enjoy the till so much - but we tended to swap around quite a bit.

The first week or two in a new job is always horrible. That said, I was volunteering in a charity shop recently and totally get what you’re saying. I found it very cliquey. I’d stick with it for a month, and see if it improves.

You poor thing, that sounds so hard and it’s horrible to feel like an outsider but it took real guts to set yourself up in this job and things will get easier as you get used to the new people and they get used to you.

Take good care of yourself and plan to do something nice (whatever you like doing, only has to be something little) after your next shift so you have something to look forward to and raise your spirits afterwards.

Well done, you’re doing a good thing and have just as much to offer as anyone else there, you’re just new to the job and will learn things like the till with experience so don’t let a few awkward moments put you off. The women were probably joking to make light of the situation and put you at ease even though it sounds like it had a different effect.