25 years old, first job (volunteering)- should I just quit?

[Honeybeexo]

Just to put a bit of background to this, I have Aspergers, no kids, I’m on a lot of medications for diff medical conditions which can cause drowsiness and I’m on universal credit for disability, I honestly forget the name of the benefit as my dad helps me out with it.

So. I’ve felt like this for a long time, long before I was diagnosed but recently, after a very long period of being unemployed and out of education, I decided to get the balls to volunteer as a cash desk assistant at a charity shop/ thrift store. I’m in the U.K. but it doesn’t really matter.

I started my new volunteer cash desk role today.

When I arrived I went in the back to the sorting room and they were all sharing a huge cake, and tea, they didn’t offer me anything and I didn’t really care because I’m on a diet but I felt a bit...left out? Especially as the other new girl (fourth paragraph down) was having it too.

It’s mainly older women there, and they’re...quite nice. It’s just my anxiety made me take a long while to get used to the cash register/till and they had a bit of a joke to each other about not leaving me alone (incase I messed it up) but in general were mainly friendly. However, I felt so awful for taking ages, I apologised to every single customer and said it was my first day to the ones who asked, and most understood.

As I mentioned, a new young girl also works there but she does the behind the scenes stuff, sorting out the donations, while I do the cash register/general cleaning. I went upstairs to grab my handbag out the locker and because I’m so quiet she jumped, I politely asked her if she could get the manager (lots of bags in the way I couldn’t step over), and she smirked and shouted “the girl who’s working here who I can’t remember the name of needs you”.

Young people my age (teens and twenties) NEVER like me, they always see something in me they want to pick on and I feel so low and paranoid.

Her and the manager were getting on like a house on fire and I never got that reception when I arrived because I’m shit at socialising. I always will be. Some of the older women talked to me and so did the manager, and I was very polite.

I know I appear weird, I don’t want to out myself but have an English accent and am shy and they’re all Scottish and sociable...I just feel like I’m getting in the way of people I don’t know and the amount of times I said sorry this morning must have been about 100 or more, when I cocked up the till, when I accidentally knocked things over, when I accidentally made the girl get a fright...just everything.

I am proud of myself for jumping into work, and I’m gritting my teeth and going back on Friday when part of me just wants to give up, not to mention I’m exhausted due to my meds, but I don’t know.

I just feel like I need a hug and someone to say, hey, you’re gonna be okay. I’m just lonely as hell, shit socially in the workplace and shit at making friends.

Sorry for the vent.

You should be very proud that you've done this. Day one is you taking a huge step. Well done! Each day should get easier. Please give it a bit more time. I don't have any of the issues that you do and I always feel very out of my depth and on the outside when I start a new job. It's very daunting. Something as simple as a cash register is very complicated to use when it's all new to you.

And as for the new lady smirking and saying to someone she couldn't remember your name - sounds to me like she was embarrassed that she couldn't remember your name and didn't handle it as well as she could have done. I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

Day one is always awful. I'm naturally a very shy person and have social anxiety - I hate talking on the phone, speaking to waiters etc. However my friends now don't know this about me because over the years I've trained myself to do these things anyway (a necessary part of my job).

There is definitely an element of fake it til you make it, and honestly the more you practice being calm, confident and friendly the more automatic it becomes. I know from experience that when you're shy and awkward it can sometimes come across as standoffish and this can create its own problems.

I find that some simple 'rules' can really help in terms of interpersonal interactions. I always try and smile and greet people (not natural as I'm not naturally interested in them!), ask how their weekend was, ask how long they've worked there. Once you get to know them better, ask about their family. I've found that lots of people like talking about themselves (I hate it) so a few standard questions like this make you seem friendly and approachable and you can just nod and smile in response and can repeat asking about family/pets/weekend/whatever each week. It sounds like the other new girl is rather rude but that's probably her own insecurities at play. If she makes comments about forgetting your name again simply respond 'my name is X' 'what's yours again?' It may genuinely be that she's rubbish at remembering names and was trying to make a clumsy joke about it.

It sounds like you're doing really well. Interpersonal interactions are tiring and they will get easier with time. Plus you'll learn valuable customer service and till skills which are transferable to other jobs. But learning is hard so go easy on yourself and give it time.

Of course, well done for trying. These people were horrible to you, its never fun being the "new girl" in any situation,WaltzingBetty has nailed ithas nailed it.

Are there any volunteering initiatives especially for people with mental health difficulties or autism in your area? They could provide the type of support and reassurance you need.

Well done on starting work! Put everyone else to the side, just stop apologising your new. It's normal. First 2 weeks in any new job you haven't got a clue what ur doing!
The real question you should be asking yourself is who do you want to be?

You’ve done a really brave thing so should be feeling proud of yourself!

If it helps at all - first days in new jobs are quite often pretty horrible for anybody! Additional needs or not. I remember sitting there with my head in my hands trying not to cry before on the first day of my currently job thinking “what have I done?” and I’m still there 2 years later and am really happy! It’s just the first few days can be quite overwhelming and scary! New people, new things to learn - feeling out of our depth. These are all totally ‘normal’ emotions for the situation.

I would definitely try to give it a few more days. It should get easier as you get to know people there a little better. And try not to compare yourself to the other new girl - you are you. But if it doesn’t work out - don’t make yourself unhappy for stressed by staying. It would just mean this wasn’t the right role for you - there will be one somewhere!

But give it a go and see how you get on

OP I have been where you are albeit with different disabilities.

I started off volunteering 2 hours a week, then 2 days of two hours, then over time built it up to nearly two full days. Which time I was offered the job as a paid position, I managed to then end up working full time and promoted twice within the charity.

I start a new job in a couple of weeks and terrified, but I know I can do it just need to “fake it till I make it”

I would ask the manager if you can do something simpler or have more training to increase you confidence.

Good luck! You are doing a wonderful thing.

You definitely need to give it more than one day. You’ve made huge progress by taking the job and you should be proud of that.

I have the same sort of issues as you. You are on the till and dealing with the public, which I always found easy because they come to you, you don’t have to go to them.

If the other girl says that again just say clearly “my name is Honeybee, what’s yours”.

Concentrate on the job, and you’ll be fine. Well done xx

Well done for starting something. My dh hated a job once and wanted to quit. I pushed him to stay. We’d moved countries for the role. He got sent somewhere else after 6 months and the next job was so much better.

What I’m saying to you is that this is a perhaps stepping stone. Something to help you gain confidence. I do really get the tiredness. I would really struggle with an hour working due to my health.

Does anyone in the shop know you have Aspergers?

Well done on starting your new day.

First days are always difficult, as you learn the ropes, and the staff get to know each other. Also, they can be very tiring.

Regarding the cash register, it’s fairly normal to spend the day helping a newbie and supporting them in the first day, so that’s par for the course. Probably the person was excusing why she wasn’t doing another task.

I find it fairly easy to socialise but hate the first couple of weeks in any job, even if I know what I'm doing.

Give yourself a time frame to review how you feel about it. Not knowing how to work the till etc in front of customers is very stressful so be proud of yourself from getting through the first day.

Well done for giving it a go. It’s your first day, No-ones perfect on their first day. With regards to customers. Don’t worry about being slow, don’t worry about getting things wrong, or knocking something over. I barely remember anyone who’s served me over the years. I very much doubt you can remember everyone who’s served you over the years. A couple sometimes stick in your head, but it’s not because their slow or quite.

You said yourself everyone seems nice and chatty, just give it some time. I can’t really remember anyone’s first day at work (I remember mine) but not someone else’s, and I doubt anyone will ever remember your first day.

Also stop saying sorry! If your getting anxious take a deep breath and just start again. Smile. If you feel your going slow try small talk, ask how they are finding lockdown, It’s always a good conversation starter

I’d say that you shouldn’t quit and see how it goes. It’s all a lot to take on and I’m not surprised you are tired.

Good luck.

OP, whereabouts in Scotland are you? Have you thought about getting employment support from specific support organisations such as Perth Autism Support, Values into Action Scotland, Scottish Autism Network, All in Edinburgh etc?

I think that would be hurtful and daunting for anyone being mocked and not made to feel welcome. Im also angry. Here you are kindly and selflessly giving up your time.The least they should do is make you welcome. I'd just say Am I welcome here because if i'm not I'm sure there are plenty of other organisations that would appreciate my help. I recognize though that due to your condition you may not feel able to that.

YABU give your self a chance!!!!

It takes quite a bit of effort to build new relationships, get to know a new job and routine, especially so in your position.

You've taken the first steps but its a two way street with this sort of thing and some people do have to make more effort than others.

Dont give up.

The first day is always the hardest.
You've done it and survived, well done you!
Next day will be a lot easier.

Always remember to smile even if you can't think of anything to say, and that just breaks the ice.

Well done OP. It must have been very hard to take that first step. Please give it another try on Friday - and come back and update us. You’ve done so well.

I have none of your difficulties and have felt the same at the start of every job I’ve ever had

This. I that job on the till in a charity shop. I certainly wasn't left alone to do it for the first few days. It takes a little while to get into the swing and up to speed. That's in no way unusual. Even after 5 years I still make the odd mistake. Everyone does. I think you need time to settle down. It's uncomfortable when you don't know anyone but the more you go there, the more familiar you become. It just takes a bit of time.

Starting a new job is hard and you have done the hard bit. Every day will become more normal with time, one day at a time.
It is absolutely normal to feel scared this shows you care.
What helps you relax as this is the time you need to be kind to yourself. Perhaps a reward at the end of the week?
Is the manager nice to talk to have you felt able to share your worries with her and ask for feed back?

Well done. First days can be difficult for a lot of us. I have adhd and both my girls have asd and adhd so socialising and working is harder for us than most but you’re doing a fantastic thing and you should be really proud of yourself.

I'd give it a few more shifts and if you're still getting attitude back from other members I would jack it in, I wouldn't put up with that especially from a volunteer role where I wasn't getting paid.

What you've done takes such guts for anyone.
The first day is nearly always horrible, but don't give up. Not before giving yourself a proper chance to settle in, get used to how things work, the people etc

The girl who shouted about not remembering your name was incredibly, incredibly rude. Hopefully she is kicking herself thinking she sounded big and clever and how it came out wrong. If she isn't, then she's just rude in general. People soon tire of it, it says nothing about you.

@whiplashy not necessary. A quick inbox to OP or something more vague would have sufficed. Well done for signalling to all the weirdos out there where to go and look for the extra info. I've reported your post.