My mental health has fallen off a cliff since Mum died of cancer in 2018. It wasn't great before that, and when I'm talking before that I mean for most of my life.
I'd lost too many people too young and children in the 80s didn't have any counselling, etc. If anything teachers were quite horrible towards me even though I was a quiet and introverted child. On top of that I was bullied badly through primary and secondary school, often with horrible boys laughing because they knew I couldn't get my Dad as he'd died.
(There was a lot of family enmeshment which I'm only really unpicking now and once I lanced that boil it hasn't stopped.)
My personality often saw me as easy pickings in workplaces too as quiet = any mixture of anti social, rude, soft, etc. depending on where I was. So I'd often be treated differently in a negative way and when it got too much I'd have to leave. Consequently I'm underemployed in various temp roles, I've no career or job security at 44 and am giving up the pipe dream of ever being able to buy a house.
Moving "across the water" 
was more traumatic than it should have been - right from the start I had to deal with a dodgy, greedy landlord, crap neighbours, more precarious temp roles and when I finally landed a permanent role my line manager had a field day with my quietness and my non local accent knowing I'd leave during probation. Yeah, I know this happens to a lot of people but my resilience is lower than most people's - I'd say it's nearly non existent now.
Struggled on a few years after that again starting to look into why cycles repeated. Highly likely I have a mixture of HFA/ASD, avoidant personality disorder and CPTSD and want to pursue even if £££ if just to understand why.
Surprise surprise, in another missold hellish job when I got the phone call to say Mum was on borrowed time and could I come over. Zero support in work (it's our busiest time!) so I left and spent the next few months living on savings and going back home - thankfully I was there at the end but the rapid change in her from the previous 6 weeks when I'd been over was shocking. I'm so glad I was there at the end as I'd never have got over that if I wasn't. I can't watch any scenes on TV with people dying of cancer and I'm so glad she wasn't around to have to deal with Covid-19.
Since her death it's been a long and lonely road. Yes, my OH as been there for me but I don't have friends or any support network of which to speak. Temping, so nobody cares about your mental health, just as long as you're meeting targets. I get by for a while but the last few weeks have been a nightmare - moved house so physically exhausted which led to crying and very black periods. I have what I call my trauma pains - exhaustion followed by feverishness followed by achy limbs. Had more of these than I can count over the decades but yesterday was pretty bad - I could barely leave bed and was a sobbing mess but had to struggle on as I had a 1 to 1 meeting.
I'm going through another period where I want to return the "gift" of life. I've had many of those and even attempts on my own life but on I've went as I keep trying to make things better. But things come along and knock the stuffing out of me regularly. It didn't help that I failed yet another job interview (one to make my current role permanent).
Sorry about the whiny essay and 
for all of you who are struggling/have struggled.