50/50 time split and grandparents

[Orcsies]

Does anyone know the common and legal stance on this?

We have split time with the kids 50/50 following divorce. His family also want to spend time with the kids, including a decent chunk of the holidays, which is understandable. However, my family are largely deceased and none of the remaining family are the kind to visit or spend time with.

So, is it reasonable of my ex to ask that the split is 33% each during the holidays? So, he gets them 1/3, his family get them 1/3 and I only get the remaining 1/3?

Surely that's eating into your time with them? His parents' time should come out of his contact time? Unless you're struggling for childcare and this helps I suppose

Didn't know voting was enabled, sorry.

YABU - the split should not include the extended family, which should be seen as a separate unit.
YANBU - the split should still be 50/50.

No. Surely their time should come off his contact time?

Do you want to do that? For childcare reasons etc? He is not unreasonable to ask but you are not unreasonable to say no, you want your 50%. If his family want to see them, they can see them in his time. Or propose another split that suits you all. What do the children want and how old are they?

No way! His families time should come off of his!

Their time should come out of his time

One of the sad side effects of families splitting is that grandparents often see less of their grandchildren.
One of my DDs shares care 50:50 and it has meant we see her children less often. Still do see them just no longer as frequently as before. Fully understand why but it’s hard at times.

Totally up to you. Time with his family should come out of his 50% but if you think it is good for the kids, or convenient for you, then you might choose for them to have contact during your time. But you certainly dont have to (I wouldnt unless it was a 1 off eg for a big familycelebration).

I guess it comes down to what you think is best for the kids.
I suspect that the ‘letter of the law’ would suggest that he can use his 50% to facilitate contact with his family.
But if it were me, I suspect that I’d perhaps give a little bit of the holiday period over to them, without going 1/3s in it all.

Will you struggle for AL over the holidays. Would them styling with Grant for two weeks help you out? If so then agree, but it's on the basis that they're having them for some of your time and some of his. They might of course refuse and only be willing to help their son out. That's also fine.

Generally kids see the paternal family in Dad's time so do not get tied into giving them 1/3 of your kids

No! It’s not a three way split. How silly.

It comes out of his time.

Obviously you were both working the gps might choose to have the kids for part of the hols to help you both work, if they were kind enough, but it’s not part of the mum/ dad residence split.

If your ex and his family have your children two thirds of the time wouldn't you be liable for maintenance?

As a starting point, the same as PPs, 50:50 with GP contact time from ex's 50% (or whatever % was agreed). To vary from that only if it suits you and the children and it doesn't lead to a change in any financial support arrangements (I've know some men to try to impose a reduction in payments after the DM has agreed to change holiday arrangements which led to a change in the annual %).

Good luck.

His families time should come from his 50% unless it benefits you, so for example wanting them for child care during your time but when working etc.

Time with his parents should absolutely come out of his time. No court (save in the most exceptional / unusual of circumstances) would award grandparents one third of the holidays. This is not really something that you should even be having to debate. Division of time is between parents. They then make arrangements for what to do during time spent with them. Whilst I am all for compromise and being reasonable do not give in on this (unless you want to). Then allow him to make whatever plans he wishes (provided they are safe) during his time.

No way is this reasonable. They are your children and ex’s children. If the grandparents want to spend time with them, they do this on your ex’s time. Why should you kiss out on your valuable time with them to accommodate his family.
Not a chance would I agree to this.

If he has them 2/3rds of the time (which is effectively what this is) you’re at risk of being asked to pay child maintenance to him.

I think your wording for voting is confusing which may skew the results but Yanbu, his family’s time with the children comes out of his time - unless you’re asking them a babysitting favour. Let me guess this isn’t the only area that he is an arse in.

I don't think its unreasonable to ask though its maybe a bit unreasonable to give them equal contact time to you. I guess technically it should come off his contact time but like others have said if it helps you with childcare and more importantly would make the children happy then you could compromise say they have them for a week or 10 days of the summer holidays and split the rest of the time 50 50? Or more and split the rest of the time 60 40 or something if you miss them

No. Grandparents see them on his time. If you want to be flexible and let your children see them during your time then you can do this on a short term request basis. Don't agree that Grandparents can automatically have 1/3rd.

what an odd suggestion from him/them.

his family get to bond with DC on his contact time... i.e. during his 50%.

whether you are flexible to accommodate that or not is entirely down to you.. they can't demand it.

There are not 3 parents here OP.

Why on earth would he think that his parents are an equal co-parent?

that's batshit.

Grandparent time comes out of that parents time of course. 50/50.

If its great for the kids and for you to let them see Grandparents on your time as well then fine. But its your decision.

No!!!! His family get access on his time... unless it’s mutually beneficial and you’re happy with it. Absolutely no way I’d allow this and I can’t see a court granting it

I think it makes sense that his family spends like with them when they are with him, unless you are happy with a different arrangement that would make life overall easier for everyone (for example, his family have long provided you childcare during school holidays, etc. then it makes sense that they see them during 'your' time but that's because they are your childcare provider and you've all arranged that with each other).

Dh and I are happily married and living in the same house, and I still wouldn't arrange and facilitate his family spending time with our dc, nor would he mine. If his family want to do something with them, they sort it out with him and he organises it, etc.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your dc spending time with family for special events (a wedding, a long-planned weekend away) on what would be considered 'your' time as long as you're all happy. But surely if he wants to not miss out on time, he can just go along and join in with his family and they can all spend time together with dc (it doesn't have to mean he 'misses' time with them).

be careful of setting/agreeing to formal arrangements with his parents, OP - courts rarely grant grandparents rights if you're in the UK (they even have to go to court to request to ask for it)... BUT if there is an on-going, agreed, beneficial consistent arrangement for the kids to be with grandparents, courts will and have enforced that if things become argumentative later down the line.

In other words, if you let the kids have 33% time with his parnents now, and want to change that in a few years because it doesn't work (or typically, when the kids get older, they need their own time to see friends, take up hobbies and sports).. you could find that 33% holiday time precedent enforced by a court IF it ever got to that stage.

Do not agree to this if you're not comfortable with it - and even then, not in writing (e.g. text, email) and NOT as a consistent pattern (e.g. the kids "always go to grandparents the first two weeks of school hols").... THAT is a major legal risk you should be aware of.

As well as the CMS issues around you only having them 33% of the holiday time.

And the fact that your contact time is reduced to less than 50%, obviously.