OH moaning about sex

[cherrybalms]

I have a 9 month old baby with partner. he is an awful sleeper (baby that is lol) and I havent had a full night sleep since he was born which is the norm of course. I have accepted this and the fact I'm going to be tired for a while until he settles down or until I stop breastfeeding him at night etc. anyway, as you can imagine I am exhausted. I suffer with tension headaches a lot because of the lack of sleep.

my partner will not stop complaining about our lack of sex life atm. I get people have needs and im sympathetic to that but a lot of the time when baby goes to bed I just want to get an early night and go to sleep. we do have sex but admittedly a few weeks might go by in between. it's really starting to cause issues now though. we cant have a conversation without it somehow ending up back to that. he made a comment yesterday about not remembering what sex was, and these comments are increasing. I'm not sure how to handle this but its making me feel shit about myself on top of how shit I already feel with the headaches and sleep deprivation. I've tried pointing out it wont be like this forever and we will get nights off when he gets to stay with his nans when hes a bit older but the sighs and sarky comments are still coming. could really do without it :( anyone else? what did you do!

@Feminist10101

Phase 2. Water pistol above his pillow with a timer set to squirt at random intervals multiple times per night.

Phase 3. Same as above but with a taser aimed at his nuts.

Yes yes yes to this!😂😂

Of course you don’t feel like sex if you’re exhausted! Point out to him that he’s much more likely to get a decent sex life by giving you time to rest. Ok, so you’re doing night wakings (I did too), but there’s nothing stopping him taking the baby out for a Saturday afternoon so you can have a decent nap and a lovely bath. Much more likely to feel like sex on the Saturday night!

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
It affects all aspects of your health & wellbeing.
But it passes.

Pestering for sex and going on about sex is deeply unattractive. If someone continues to pester and whine about sex then you can lose the ability to care about them, to ever want sex with them again.

It seems like many men use the pester & whine tactic to exhaust their partner into having sex with them to shut them up. How they can think this is acceptable is beyond me - sex with someone who doesnt really want to do it is one step away from rape.

You poor love, I've been there and totally understand.
The problem is HIM, not you. He's not being a partner as he's not pulling his weight, and he's laying on guilt. You're not there to serve him in any way.
There's no bigger turn off than a partner pestering. My ex-h was the same and it wears you down, destroys your self-worth and esteem, creates resentment, withers your libido and pretty much kills a relationship.
When I came out of hospital after a C-section the ex 'needed to know' I still fancied him...and if I did I'd give him a blow-job. Because he'd sulk if he was rejected, I did, and 20 years on the memory repulses me. The previous new-born times were ruined by his pestering; it's abusive.
Take a good look at his other character traits - if he's an arse you really should think about going it alone. Not all men are like this, you could have an amazing future with a decent one.
If he's not a complete arse, show him this thread and tell him how he's making you feel.

Not much to add to the other comments except to note that this was a major reason I left my husband.

Life it to short to have to pander to the needs of someone who lacks the intelligence to understand that a woman who is sleep deprived due to having a small baby isn't going to prioritise the needs of a sex pest.

Nobody needs sex.

Oh look. Another well-rested ‘dad’ whingeing about not getting enough sex from his exhausted-to-the-point-of-ill partner.

This! OP you’re not a milk and sex service. I just just echo what everyone else has said. Your needs come first at the moment

I just think that his selfish attitude and complete lack of empathy says a lot about his character. This is the kind of person who won't be there for you emotionally if you were to get a long-term physical illness say. He will bitch and whine if you have to be away from him at any time in the future looking after a family member.... I see so many of these threads.

For now I would be telling him that you are exhausted. Sex is off the table for you in a state of exhaustion. If a partner said that to me, I'd be trying to come up with positive suggestions to help and share the burden. Hopefully he'll do the same, but I doubt it to be honest - based on what you've said.

Express milk and he can get up at the weekends.
It would put me off completely. What was your sex life before kids?
Why isn't he parenting or doing any domestic chores
Get this stopped now, OP

He's a knob and an utterly self centred example of the form. What is his contribution to parenting and running the home?

Feminist and others are right, you need sleep and a break, not a judgemental, lazy arse who can't grow up enough to understand the changes we all have to make with a baby around and that its his job as much as yours to bear the load.

Bloody awful to have to deal with a sex pest. Tell him to buy a blow up sex doll if he is that desperate, then you can have a good laugh at him on the job.

So you tell him he has a choice; he can do 50% of the night wakings every week, or accept the fact that sex is off the table for the foreseeable future because you are exhausted.

Yes this and tell him to fuck off while he is about it, I simply cannot stand whiners who don't do anything to improve their wive's lives or sleep. What rock do these cretins crawl out from under.

I get people have needs

Sex isn't a need, it's a want. He won't die or suffer any injury for lack of it due to you not being physically up to it due to being exhausted looking after his baby virtually single-handedly.

Even if he did a bit of the night stuff now, he would expect sex virtually immediately, when it'll take a while to feel less knackered.

Nagging, pissing and moaning about sex is my least favourite behaviour in a man. He would be in the bin.

Oh gosh, can't he do without for a bit? Like someone else already said sex is a want, not a need. Sleep/ at least some rest and keeping a young baby fed are priorities. He needs to accept it's not going to be a regular thing.

You seem to be worried about him being too tired to do his job as it might be dangerous. He’s clearly not worried about you. He is your extra pair of hands. Make him help! If he’s tired going to work he’s old enough to make a call if it’s dangerous or not. It’ll wake him up to your daily life. He sounds far too well rested at present.

Tell him to give you 2 nights in a hotel to sleep and spend time on you,returning to find everything done and no jobs waiting for you, then you MIGHT feel like it.

Has he always been a selfish knob?

What a selfish arsehole.

I don't understand why you're not furious with this idiot.

@Feminist10101

Express milk. Book 2 nights in a hotel.

Leave baby with dad.

That ought to do it.

^^ Plan!!

@Feminist10101

Express milk. Book 2 nights in a hotel.

Leave baby with dad.

That ought to do it.

This

@cherrybalms

I have a 9 month old baby with partner. he is an awful sleeper (baby that is lol) and I havent had a full night sleep since he was born which is the norm of course. I have accepted this and the fact I'm going to be tired for a while until he settles down or until I stop breastfeeding him at night etc. anyway, as you can imagine I am exhausted. I suffer with tension headaches a lot because of the lack of sleep.

my partner will not stop complaining about our lack of sex life atm. I get people have needs and im sympathetic to that but a lot of the time when baby goes to bed I just want to get an early night and go to sleep. we do have sex but admittedly a few weeks might go by in between. it's really starting to cause issues now though. we cant have a conversation without it somehow ending up back to that. he made a comment yesterday about not remembering what sex was, and these comments are increasing. I'm not sure how to handle this but its making me feel shit about myself on top of how shit I already feel with the headaches and sleep deprivation. I've tried pointing out it wont be like this forever and we will get nights off when he gets to stay with his nans when hes a bit older but the sighs and sarky comments are still coming. could really do without it :( anyone else? what did you do!

I put up with it and I felt rubbish like you but eventually I saw the light. Any man that treats a woman like this is a massive twat.

I ended up asking him to leave and I divorced him. Any love I ever had for him was gone.

its absolutely the exhaustion that is one of the main things that I dont feel like it. I just want to sleep at night! the second reason is where I'm still breastfeeding I just dont feel like my body is "mine" and as shallow as it sounds, I'm not happy with my body atm, I still have a bit of baby weight, I dont have the energy to do much about it. all in all, doesnt scream let's get it on to me :(

How you're feeling is perfectly normal, any woman who has had a baby knows exactly how it is. A loving partner will also understand. My ex just treated me like a piece of meat for his convenience, that's how you are being treated. It's really not right love. Please don't feel bad about how you're feeling, he's the one at fault.

Tell him he is affecting your mental health. Completely unacceptable. Your job at the minute is to look after your baby, which can also get dangerous for you if your mental health is suffering. He needs to be supporting you, not pestering you for unwanted sex.

I really hope your DC starts sleeping soon. My DS just turned 10 months and like you I was up half the night until a few weeks ago when I was given the advice to go a week with dad doing all the wake ups, settling without milk or with only 1 milk feed. Poor DP, it was a brutal week for him - but it worked! And it was the best weeks sleep I had in 9 months . In your case it should also give your DP some perspective!

If your baby will take a bottle then you should be going to bed at about 8pm , let him to the last feed of the night around 11 then you do the night waking during the week and then he should be doing the nights on the weekend! Its not just your baby OP

I wouldn't have survived if we didn't share the load, our sex life was crap too and my DH never said a word...

If he can’t get up during the night, there are many things he can do to give you a break.

He can deal with dinner and cleaning in the evening.
He can do the shopping
He can do the cleaning of the house etc...
He can be the one in charge of dealing with baby at the weekend, giving you break and the opportunity for a nap whilst he takes him out for the afternoon.
Basically he can step up on every single other thing other than b’fing so you ca have more rest/go to bed earlier/have a nap/rest.
Maybe after a month or two, you’ll feel less tired and more like sex....