why do people on here feel the need to be so dramatic?

[amb885]

not a thread about a thread, i saw on another thread someone telling the op to 'move out. now' over a minor inconvenience with her dh aibu to think people on here are unnecessarily dramatic?

Oh and the amount of people who are ‘utterly terrified’ about anything and everything.

Can't expect your child to play Xbox in their bedroom, they should be allowed constant access to the living room TV at all times even if it's completely anti social because it's their home too. Step children having the double bedroom 4 nights a month whilst the resident child crams into the box room. A 17 year old 'child' called their step mum a fucking whore, stole money from their dads wallet and are generally a nightmare? They are obviously just emotionally scarred from their parents separating 14 years earlier and should be cuddled and cooed. Little Jimmy won't eat the basic pasta dish you've cooked for everyone? Immediately jump up from the table and cook him something else, how dare you suggest he actually try something new or eat what he's given.

You've explained it so much better than me 😂 There is literally nothing a 17-25 year old couldn't get away with on here on the basis of their brains not being fully developed, and any suggestion that they ought to have developed some degree of emotional intelligence by that age is massively dramatised as totally unreasonable. A step child can never just be misbehaving either, they absolutely must be scarred from their parents split 15 years ago even if they've never shown any signs of being troubled by it. They are not like other children, they never just misbehave.

And the parents getting involved with their grown up kids' work issues. And not even being embarrassed about it!

In all fairness to the LTB brigade, isn't that sort of the point? I'm going to go against the grain here and say actually its quite important to have that sounding board. I agree that some people are too quick to jump in with LTB. But if you're in a bad relationship where its difficult to leave you can normalise stuff that's actually quite bad to save your own sanity and sometimes you need a dose of cold, hard reality.

I totally agree with this, but it loses all credibility when posters simply cannot understand why someone wouldn't leave their husband of 10 years because he called her a cow once in an argument.

@ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress

And the parents getting involved with their grown up kids' work issues. And not even being embarrassed about it!

Like calling for their DC when DC is sick... DC is also 22... Not joking.

I think I met some MN DC when they got older👀 I really appreciate my parents so much more lately😂

@WorraLiberty

On a serious note though OP, I think a lot of the 'LTB merchants' are probably massively projecting due to whatever's going on in their own lives.

They probably want others to do what they never had the courage to do themselves.

Also, some people learn uniformed MN responses and just seem to type them for the sake of it.

MN bingo off any relationship problem thread:

LTB
Get. Out. Now!
He's abusive
He's controlling
He's coercive
He's gaslighting you
File for divorce
Change the locks
You need therapy/counselling

Now plenty of times variations of the above apply as sound advice, but they've become such catch-all terms for any problem; that it's hard to differentiate between husband forgot to take the bins out this morning and something far far worse because you get the same responses all the time anyway.

And let’s not forget people “flocking” to beaches

What's life admin?

Erm... Tbh I don't even know.

Bills and stuff I guess? Although mine are all automated so I'm not sure. The only time I ever really do anything to do with any of our bills is when our gas and electric deal comes to an end and I have a quick look elsewhere for a better deal. How exhausting.

Has anyone mentioned the waltzing husbands yet?

They leave the house for the pub at about 7pm and waltz home about 3am.

I've studied my husband for the last 20 years and learned to live with the bitter disappointment that he insists on either walking home or getting a taxi.

He's point blank refused to learn how to waltz. I may have to LTB for Len Goodman 😳

When people mention 'doing the bills' as some kind of herculean task I think they live at Downton Abbey

@aSofaNearYou

In all fairness to the LTB brigade, isn't that sort of the point? I'm going to go against the grain here and say actually its quite important to have that sounding board. I agree that some people are too quick to jump in with LTB. But if you're in a bad relationship where its difficult to leave you can normalise stuff that's actually quite bad to save your own sanity and sometimes you need a dose of cold, hard reality.

I totally agree with this, but it loses all credibility when posters simply cannot understand why someone wouldn't leave their husband of 10 years because he called her a cow once in an argument.

Fine, if its a one-off. But quite often the poster will drip feed and go on to say "he called me a cow". And it will transpire that he calls her a cow (and worse) regularly and also withholds money and goes to the pub every night.

My point is and I speak from personal experience usually by the time a poster has plucked up the courage to post on MN about her husband's/partner's behaviour its got to the point where its bad enough to make her question her own sanity but she will not want to openly admit what she fears, which is that her marriage is on the ropes and she may have to face up to the need to leave it.

The chorus of LTB that follows in some situations may sound harsh and dramatic but quite often just having other people tell you that you're not mad and actually you're right can restore the perspective and sense of self-worth that people need.

I know this thread is light-hearted but actually being in an abusive marriage and wanting to get out and not wanting to talk to anyone about it is fucking awful. If the LTB crowd persuade one woman to leave an abusive marriage than so much the better.

Yes. This. Many judgemental keyboard warriors on this site who can’t wait to throw a poster some negativity to make themselves feel better. ( see what I did there... judged, stereotyped and generalised all in one go ;) Ahh I feel better now!!!

I know this thread is light-hearted but actually being in an abusive marriage and wanting to get out and not wanting to talk to anyone about it is fucking awful. If the LTB crowd persuade one woman to leave an abusive marriage than so much the better.

I agree with this. I also have to say that there have been unkind comments about dysfunctional families, saying that the OP might be a drama llama. Usually the opposite is the case and it's the toxic parents who are drama llamas and the OP has only just had the scales come off. (It was like that for me.)

This is the reason why some of us encourage such posters to post a thread on the Relationships board and specifically the Stately Homes thread. Because there they can find non-judgemental support.

If you didn't grow up in a toxic family and have a close family around you, then you should be grateful for that whilst recognising that not everyone is so fortunate.

What I hate about the LTB threads is more that posters seem to get really annoyed with the OP if she won't immediately leave her marriage of 30 years and seems a bit hesitant.

Comments like 'well you're obviously not going to take our advice so what's the point'.

'dont waste your breath PPs'

'Why even post then?'

Etc...

As if it's a really easy thing to do. Those posters strike me as wanting to see a bit of RL drama unfold and getting pissed when it's 'boring', more than wanting to support the OP.

@JustAPizza On that point I agree with you. Sadly, I think that's because some posters treat Mumsnet threads like a soap opera rather than someone's actual life. They're looking for an ending to the story on the thread.

Because many of us are repressed British who have to maintain a stiff upper lip in real life... so we counteract it by being hysterical on here

@OilBaron

I started a thread on here in the run up the last general election about me and DP having very different political ideas on some issues. On some issues I'm quite far left while he's centre right on basically everything.

The thread was intended as a light-hearted 'DP is driving me mad because he can't see I'm right but seriously how do you cope with important conversations when you're politically different on a range of issues?'

It descended into lots of LTBs, lots of suggestions that the relationship was fundamentally built on thin air, and lots of concern about what would happen when (not if, when) we had children. One poster even commented that I should be very wary because if I ever became disabled it'd be very unlikely that DP would look after me given his right-wing political leanings.

B.O.N.K.E.R.S

MN was very weird during the last election. Lots of ridiculous threads like "A question for Tory voters - why do you hate disabled people?"

Male OP: I’m having serious problems in my relationship with my wife etc
Unanimous response : ‘try talking to your wife rather than asking strangers on an internet forum’

Female OP: I’m having serious problems in my relationship with my husband etc
Unanimous response: LTB!!

@JustAPizza

What I hate about the LTB threads is more that posters seem to get really annoyed with the OP if she won't immediately leave her marriage of 30 years and seems a bit hesitant.

Comments like 'well you're obviously not going to take our advice so what's the point'.

'dont waste your breath PPs'

'Why even post then?'

Etc...

As if it's a really easy thing to do. Those posters strike me as wanting to see a bit of RL drama unfold and getting pissed when it's 'boring', more than wanting to support the OP.

Sometimes people can be impatient. But to be honest once you've had the scales fall from your eyes and you can see that someone's marriage is a lost cause you want them to realise this ASAP and get out.

A lot of these people have themselves come through awful marriages and they know that its so much better on the other side once you're out. They also recognise from first-hand experience the lies women tell themselves to avoid confronting the fact that their marriages are over (he's just tired from work/maybe I don't do enough in the home/he's just grumpy but no abusive etc). They therefore get frustrated when they hear this from other women and want them to realise it.

If a man is being abusive or neglectful to his wife or partner, or even just takes her for granted, then there really is only one option: she is better off on her own. And yes its hard and can be hard on children. But its always better on the other side, eventually: being on your own is always better than being in a poor marriage.

I think this could be handled more tactfully in a lot of cases but with people in denial you often have to shock them into acting.

My point is and I speak from personal experience usually by the time a poster has plucked up the courage to post on MN about her husband's/partner's behaviour its got to the point where its bad enough to make her question her own sanity but she will not want to openly admit what she fears, which is that her marriage is on the ropes and she may have to face up to the need to leave.

Yep, I was going to say the same thing. I couldn't count how many OPs don't seem quite so bad at first, but then it quickly transpires that there's an enormous context to it that the OP has normalised and doesn't fully realise how relevant it is...although she is still sufficiently unhappy and affected by it to post on an internet forum which is known for being quick to tell women to leave (because if you're posting on here about your crap husband, there's a very good chance that you should).

If your relationship is good and you really did just have an off day without a sinister wider context, you probably won't post about it here.

Yep totally agree. These threads start out and you think he's just being an annoying prick then slowly it starts coming out. It gets to the point where you can spot it straight away.

Now did anyone see the thread where the OP decided she wanted her ex therapist to mentor her (give her free therapy) and be her 'friend' and then got terribly upset when he kept talking about his wife and didn't want to give her free sessions hang out with her?

So she's all very upset wanting everyone to say how unfair he was being. And when people said she sounded like a lovesick stalker and why didn't she tell us it was her ex therapist not a work colleague (cause that took a while to come out) got upset and has now had the thread deleted!

It was a corker. Sad to see it go 😭😭

@thepeopleversuswork The chorus of LTB that follows in some situations may sound harsh and dramatic but quite often just having other people tell you that you're not mad and actually you're right can restore the perspective and sense of self-worth that people need.

I've seen that a lot too. It can be a real shock realising that your 'D' H is actually an abusive cunt. It cant be easy and at first I used to think 'steady on surely he's not that bad' then as the thread unfolded I'd see that actually he was that bad.

I think people that take it on board are so brave. Good for you. If I wasn't sure I'd feel comfortable that most of the time in relationships the judgement of MN is pretty sound. Not always but when it comes to this stuff mostly.

@Cloudmonkey

Male OP: I’m having serious problems in my relationship with my wife etc Unanimous response : ‘try talking to your wife rather than asking strangers on an internet forum’

Female OP: I’m having serious problems in my relationship with my husband etc
Unanimous response: LTB!!

There was one not long ago where the (male) OP was looking for advice on leaving his wife after he had learnt she was seeing someone else. One reply was...."have you asked her why she felt that she needed to be with someone else instead of you and maybe work on becoming a better husband?" Can you imagine that being said if the situation was reversed?

OP “AIBU?”
Responses- “maybe a little“
OP “how dare you!” and exits stage right
Meanwhile thread carries on for another 10 pages.

I agree. I'm shaking, crying sobbing in a darkened room and can't face the day. . My partner of two weeks didn't buy me an anniversary present to mark the day.