To miss sex SO much

[Catandkittens]

I wanted to post in the sex section but it won't let me so apologies for posting here and mumsnet please move this to the sex section.

No sex for 7 months and I am really really struggling. I know that sounds dramatic but I really could do with some. I do sort myself out, it's just not the same at all. Does anyone have any experience with swinger type clubs as a single female? I'm in my late 20s. I worry that it would be all old men? And maybe I'd see someone I know? I have had one night stands in the past but I don't really fancy it, and I worry about the safety aspect. Help

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@CodenameVillanelle

Yeah because it's totally impossible to comprehend that someone to be comfortable with sex in safe and prescribed areas and a familiar lifestyle, yet very uncomfortable with the forced emotional intimacy/sharing a profile pic(s) to thousands of strangers/"getting to know you" aspect of Tinder.

In short, I've known half a dozen women who proactively seek sex "at an emotional distance". They don't want things to grow emotionally as a relationship, they want to meet someone with the express purpose of a physical value exchange. It can get emotional of course in terms of the passion, connection, the intimacy, but it doesn't involve knowing someone's vulnerabilities and life that is inherent in developing a relationship.

Therefore Tinder, dating, were a complete anathema to them. They loathed the idea of sitting opposite someone in a restaurant/bar, or going for a walk in a park, or visiting the zoo or whatever. It triggered all manner of panic and refusal from one person I knew.

We're all different in short, and lambasting someone for liking one thing (that would trigger enormous vulnerabilities in you) vs another more common and popular thing (that seems totally normal to you) is a bit unfair, considering that some people are wired in reverse.

This is mad. Isn't it meant to be for couples not single young women. What if you get an std? Are you really prepared to sleep with someone else's husband? The whole concept is just gross. Can't see why you can't meet someone normally on online dating and build up a relationship. I tjink you'll end up regretting this and feel cheap and dirty 6 months down the line if you go through with this. Don't send any pics please!

[quote JuniperFather]@CodenameVillanelle

Yeah because it's totally impossible to comprehend that someone to be comfortable with sex in safe and prescribed areas and a familiar lifestyle, yet very uncomfortable with the forced emotional intimacy/sharing a profile pic(s) to thousands of strangers/"getting to know you" aspect of Tinder.

[/quote]
I KNOW some women enjoy anonymous sex and fab works for that purpose but this is a woman who was too nervous to go on tinder because of SAFETY worries (not intimacy avoidance) and suddenly she's on fab swingers booking meets. It's absurd.

I don't really have any interest in going on dates tbh. I absolutely HATE the whole thing of sitting awkwardly at a bar with someone you don't know trying to find things to talk about. The last date I went on I couldn't wait to leave! We were sat in silence and I'm pretty chatty, I consider myself able to chat with the best of them but I asked him some questions about himself, we didn't really have anything in common and it was just crap. I literally just need a need of mine fulfilled like you eat when hungry I just need a really good exciting passionate shag to get it out of my system.

at everyone primly going home in couples from the swingers club...

I think a lot of people had misgivings about the thread because we do get rather a lot of trolls here quite transparently gathering material for the wank bank. I’m not interested in participating in someone’s fetish.

@Catandkittens nothing at all wrong with wanting sex and lust. Just be safe about it, look after yourself, be sensible and take precautions.

Honestly not a troll just looking for some advice and from people more experienced and knowledgeable than me. Thank you @Ninkanink

@CodenameVillanelle I consider Fab to be much safer than the likes of Tinder. On Fab once you have met someone you can leave them a verification to say they are genuine. I feel much safer meeting somebody off Fab with verifications, than I would do meeting somebody off Tinder who has nothing to say they are genuine.

Tinder is great. Plenty of people looking for ongoing but casual relationships

Ok, I clearly misunderstood the OP's issue with online dating.
I am a big fan of casual sex but I struggle with the idea that most women will have a satisfying encounter with a literal stranger with whom they have had no build up of chemistry or anything whatsoever. I guess some women do though and maybe the OP will be one of them. Good luck to you OP.

Yeah I think how OP pictures it in her head will not be the reality.

You can of need to build up a rapport with someone to get the sexual chemistry going. Even if it’s only over a drink.

kind of not can of

Met up with a couple last night and it was great! Would recommend to anyone. Way better than boring vanilla relationship sex where you do the same thing every time!

@Catandkittens

Met up with a couple last night and it was great! Would recommend to anyone. Way better than boring vanilla relationship sex where you do the same thing every time!

I'm very jealous, that sounds amazing. I'm so scared of doing this myself. How did you get the confidence? I feel think this would only ever be a fantasy for me.

Really happy for you

Tinder is the ONE for no strings attached! Even when you want stings the men on there tend to just ghost you anyway 🤣

I wouldn't encourage meeting up with strangers for sex.....

@limpany I'm not even a confident person but if you swap pictures beforehand, ones that include your face too and aren't just super flattering ones then you know that the person/couple like the look of you and then meet first somewhere public and go back to yours/theirs/hotel. I know people are saying it's unsafe but it's only the same as meeting someone in a bar and having a one night stand. I honestly had the best time and can't wait to see them again! Super passionate, fun and easy it was great. Life's too short, go for it!

Pay for a man prozy? Expensive one will make you feel like a million dollars

I once tried swinging OP.
Unfortunately the rope snapped and sent me belly flopping into the lake.

at the suggestions of going to a male prostitute! Can you imagine if a man posted and this was suggested? The double standards on here are hilarious.

Come over to the dating thread, there's a mixture of people looking for the one all the way to those looking for FWB and trying to navigate the joys of OLD

at the suggestions of going to a male prostitute! Can you imagine if a man posted and this was suggested?

Except they’re not the same thing. Male escorts are usually attractive men who realise they’d be good at the job and do it freely. An ugly man would get no clients.

However men are less fussy as customers do woman prostitutes are usually people trafficked slaves from other countries and on drugs etc. It’s not the same thing.

Great update OP.
I once tried swinging OP.
Unfortunately the rope snapped and sent me belly flopping into the lake 😂

*Except they’re not the same thing. Male escorts are usually attractive men who realise they’d be good at the job and do it freely.

However men are less fussy as customers do woman prostitutes are usually people trafficked slaves from other countries and on drugs etc. It’s not the same thing.*

This.

Although I'd replace usually with often/sometimes.

I wouldn't be comfortable about it (gigolo type stuff usually rather than outright prostitution) in poor and developing countries though. Because there often an element of economic necessity/desperation.