To say my co-workers aren't my friends?

[annon1368]

NC due to being outing.

Since my work sent us to wfh after covid hit there has been an annoying push from our team management to over compensate for not being in the office, they have made a mission to have 3x a week team building sessions often lasting an hour. As apparently, I am the most ‘anti social’ team member (I’m an introvert) I was made to arrange every single one as part of my development plan

6 months later I have point blank now refused to arrange any more, I have a high workload and spending three hours a week attending them is bad enough, let alone the time it takes me to set them up and create quizzes, games etc. I am the busiest member of the team and this is well known by snr management, my workload has exploded since coronavirus as in addition to my normal role I am now responsible for our covid response efforts.

For the last couple of weeks many team members haven’t been attending the team building sessions and get no flack, today I have a lot on and have told my line manager that I wont be attending todays quiz, after which she called and moaned about me not making time for the team. I politely asked if she had said the same to the other team members over the last few weeks who also couldn’t make the sessions, to which I got silence.

She then moaned about how we as a team aren’t friends with each other, other teams are all friends and we should be the same. To which I replied you are all my co-workers not my friends, its been 6 months and we are no closer to being best buddies, maybe we are all too different to get to the point of being ‘friends’ to which she hung up and has arranged a ‘performance’ review next week with me.

AIBU to say that my co-workers are just that and not my friends?

This will out me!

Many years ago we had a team-building day at work. Our task before was to draw a representation of ourself and showing how we fit into the team.

So, I drew all the other team members as round pegs fitting into round holes. Me? A square peg, with deep cracks down the sides, being hammered into a round hole.

Comment? Nothing on the day, from my line manager nor the director who ran the department. I left and sued for constructive dismissal due to bullying. I was partly criticised for not going to the pub after work. I had a 50 mile drive and after spending 9 hours with the bastards, all I wanted to do was to head for home.

To me a job is just a job and my colleagues are never friends.

I have always refused to do team building things or to go on nights out.

I go to work.

I do my job well.

I come home and have my life.

These are people I have to work with. Not friends. I’ve been told in the past I need to work on being part of a team. So I’ve asked them to address how it negatively impacts my performance. They couldn’t think of anything. So it doesn’t.

It’s a lot of bollocks I don’t have time for.

I work well with others, I’m polite, I smile but I will only do my job.

@Celticdawn5

I quite agree co workers are just that and in the workplace you only need to be polite and civil to each other. I have noticed contact centres seem to go overboard with the team building exercises which must be excruciating for most. When I worked as a civil servant the contact centres shared the same building and nearly every week there would be some enforced jollity or charity collection.I gave ‘Batman’ shaking a collection tin short shrift one day and subsequently was left alone after that. Try explaining workplace behaviours to someone with Aspergers.The concept of co workers can be friendly, but not real friends even though someone you sit next to probably will act like your best friend until you, or they move teams is incomprehensible and not everyone follows ‘the rules’

I'm autistic and I agree with this. I'm not someone who makes friends easily though, I have trust issues. And trying to navigate office politics as an autistic person is an utter nightmare because of all the unwritten rules.

I worked in the NHS and luckily we didn't have to do that sort of thing, or one of those SAS training sessions (which would have been my idea of hell - I'm not an outdoorsy person, I'm also physically disabled and I'd have gone to OH to beg them to get me out of it).

Different situation but as other posters have suggested, in any disagreement with a superior its important to create a "paper trail" to back up what they said, what you said, and if relevant, how it made you feel.

In one job I had I could see the "amber light" which warned of trouble coming. I wont go into detail but I documented everything and backed it up with emails. If I had a talk with a superior where we disagreed or I felt I had not been listened to I sent an email "Just to confirm that at out meeting today yadda yadda..."

I was fortunate to be a member of a powerful union and when I was constructively dismissed the union paid for me to be represented. The organization settled out of court rather than proceed to a tribunal. They had not choice because they had violated their own stated procedures. They paid me ten grand plus the lawyers fees.

In your position, and being pregnant, I would be very tempted to use that to my advantage as a reason to "slow down" at work.

What do you do in a team building session.

I've never been friends with anyone I have worked with. The day I leave a job is the last day I ever see or speak to anyone I have worked with in that job.

I get on well with the team of people I work with, but they aren't and never will be friends. My work life and personal life is completely separate.

@PhilCornwall1

I've never been friends with anyone I have worked with. The day I leave a job is the last day I ever see or speak to anyone I have worked with in that job.

You never keep in touch on LinkedIn for networking purposes even?

Sounds like you have a very inexperienced manager there OP. It'll never get better unless she leaves. With some of the team being there for more than 5 years the cliche will only get stronger.

[quote KatherineJaneway]@PhilCornwall1

I've never been friends with anyone I have worked with. The day I leave a job is the last day I ever see or speak to anyone I have worked with in that job.

You never keep in touch on LinkedIn for networking purposes even?[/quote]
No, I don't.

@PhilCornwell.

Neither do I. Leave and move on. Except for a references, there is no need to keep in contact with them.

I work with people who know their job, work hard, are supportive and work with each other.

Still work colleagues not friends.

I've only kept in touch with references. I haven't spoken to any of my old colleagues from my last two jobs and I don't want to.

Hello @annon1368

Just checking back with you. How are things with you and the "non"-Manager? I hope no worse than your last posting but with a glimmer of light? 🌹