To think very few women would marry their deceased sister’s widower?

[Albless]

My friend was always aware that his grandfather had been married twice, and that the first wife died. His grandmother was the second wife, and his DF was the only child of that second marriage. There were some children from the first marriage.

Some family history research has revealed that his grandfather’s first and second wives were sisters. Two years after the first wife died, the widower married his sister-in-law. The law allowing this to happen was only passed in 1907, about 20 years earlier.

My friend is not particularly interested in family history. But I was really taken aback when he said marrying a dead wife’s sister is probably more common now than it used to be!

I completely disagree - I think very few women would have any interest at all in marrying their brother-in-law if their sister died.

He thinks I’m wrong. I said I’d put it to MN.

AIBU?

Well I’ve enjoyed reading this thread as had no idea. I don’t have a sister so I haven’t given this much thought 🤣

it was assumed a maternal aunt made a more loving stepmum than anyone else.

This makes sense to me and actually sounds really practical.

It's used to be common and still is in some cultures. My dh grandfather's first wife died and he married her sister.

I've read Flambards so I was on this

I came across this with work (solicitor) about 12 years ago and found that the deceased twins husband had then got married to the remaining twin sister. I understand the bonding aspect people are talking about but this was less than a year after the sister had died! Seemed a bit quick (and very weird) to me!

I imagine it was much more common in the past when dating wasn’t a feature of the landscape and relationships were dictated a lot more by class / social status / physical proximity etc. I imagine nowadays it would be quite rare.

I can’t imagine marrying my sister’s husband, much as I love him, but I suppose for some people the shared grief might be a unifying factor?

It was quite common in years gone by. I've come across it numerous times in family tree reasearch.

In the vast majority of cases I've seen it's been - wife dies, her younger sister moves in presumably to care for the children, then at some point in the next few years they marry and 5-8 months after that a baby is born.

@Friendsoftheearth

I find it slightly sickening. Really almost like incest.

It's really nothing remotely like incest. No one is a blood relative.

I worked with a woman whose father did this. His first wife died and he then married her younger sister - my friend's mum.

My friend was in the unusual position of having half-brothers and sisters who was also her cousins.

www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1989-01-03-mn-244-story.html - he wasn't married to Dorothy but would have been if she hadn't died.

My grandmother’s Dad died in WW1. My great grandmother married his brother two years later.

I think it used to be more common. ...women didn’t work and without a husband she might have been destitute. In fact her late husbands family took her in and later on she married her brother in law,

Henry VIII was also married to Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard. They were first cousins.

Happened in my family about 150 years ago

I know a woman who is married to her sister’s ex husband, and yes their children are half siblings and cousins. Don’t know what the relationship between her and her sister is like, if they have one at all.

Interesting responses - and not what I had expected.

This is in Scotland, so it was a prohibited relationship from mid 16th century until 1907.

I can definitely see it being a thing in the past, but related to women having fewer choices and less independence. Surprised to see a couple of posters knowing of such marriages in the 1980s.

In terms of marriage and prohibited relations there are blood relationships and relationships by affinity. So, a sister-in-law falls into the latter category. I suppose it’s based on the idea that marriage confers that sibling relationship across the two families.

Another thing which was common in the past, but I really don’t think you’d see now, was re-using the name of a child who died young. I’ve come across that in my own family tree a few times, and sometimes the first child was a few years old when they died. Very different times, and different attitudes to death.

i worked with a woman who married her late sister's widower - this was in 2009 so not exactly olden days. i found it intriguing that their children had once been cousins but were now step-siblings.

The more I think about this the more I think I could be tempted by my DH’s brother

I agree with you. It was much more common 100 years ago, when options for women were a lot different.

@MrsMoastyToasty

Henry VIII was also married to Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard. They were first cousins.

I think most of the Royals/Aristocratic were related somehow back then. (even, to a degree, now- aren't the Queen and Prince Philip both descended from Victoria?)

My gran married her second husband. He was divorced ... from her sister! This happened when my gran was in her 30s. Later on, when grandmother and her second husband were in their 70s they got divorced as he was having an affair with an elderly neighbour. All a bit odd.

My DHs grandad did this after his first wife died in childbirth. Not sure when but my MIL is the youngest child of the second marriage and she was born in 1910 so around the turn of the last century I guess. Between the two wives there were 17 children who survived. I think it was much more common back then and was more out of financial necessity than romance.

My Great Great Grandmother married two brothers. One after the other died.

My gran married her second husband. He was divorced ... from her sister!

That would make family dos pretty awkward.

Funny how it seems to involve twins a lot , I knew a pair of twins that lived with their father and aunt (step mum married to the dad ) who was the deceased mothers twin

My great grandfather remarried his sister in law after my great grandmother sadly died giving birth to my grandfather. Victorian times.

It may have been a shock for your friend though I think it was common in the olden days my grandmothers sister married her father's friend as he was widowed with 5 DC she had a ready made family at 18.