AIBU to tell my MIL not to bother?

[Thund3rMumma]

So it's my daughter's 4th birthday on Monday and for the past month been on the phone to MIL who wants to see her on her birthday but worried about the situation. She wants to go out for a meal instead of just being round our house where we have a garden so can social distance. She doesn't seem to understand that no matter what we do my children are going to want to hug them. My partner now has had enough of me bitching and is siding with his mum that going for a meal would be better. BUT I have no problem of them coming over and letting my children hug them because I know they haven't seen anyone in a while and we haven't seen anyone either
AIBU: go to the meal and SD
AINBU: they should let the children hug them.
My children are 2 and 4

This is really confusing. Do want them to hug or socially distance?

I don't understand surely they could hug them if you go out for a meal either?
My view is it's your child's day so you choose what to do. Tell mil you could go for a meal another day ?

So you want them to come over so they can hug but you don't want to go for a meal where they can't hug? Can they not hug at a meal? May as well get fed and a hug, best of both worlds.

I’m sorry.
I don’t get it.

This is really confusing

yes, 2 very young dc are so going to enjoy a meal in a restaurant aren't they ? tbh this sounds as if this is more about mil wanting to eat out and making it about her.
perhaps you could have a tea party at home for the dc and a meal out at later date. a hug or two is unlikely todo much harm either.

As others have said, I’m confused too.
Yes you can socially distance in your garden and pubs and restaurants have measures in place to socially distance their customers.

You can hug in your garden and you can hug in a pub with members of your group.

What exactly is your AIBU ?

I don’t get it but unless your DD would find going out for dinner on her birthday a treat then I wouldn’t do it.

Is the problem that you think MIL is being a hypocrite for wanting to go out for food but not wanting to hug your DCs?

Like others I am a bit baffled tbh.

Do your dc like going out for dinner ?
My dc loved it, even at 2.
If they don’t then just have something at home, if they do then go out.
The hugging bit is lost on me tbh.

They want to go for a meal so contact is minimal so no hugging. But still want to see grandchild

u wot m8

They aren't in our bubble but we have both kind of isolated so we could see each other but they still don't want to risk it

Why would going out for dinner mean less social distancing or hugging ?
I think the heat is getting to me.

I guess at a pub or restaurant things are a bit more formal so less likely for kids to clamber on knees etc and a more controlled environment - I kind of see the thinking that this might be easier to distance at. I think somr people are still nervous about mixing households in a house setting - hygiene re cutlery, shared equipment, toilet issue etc ..

Okay. So when we normally go out for a meal my children normally get out of their seats while waiting for the meal to come out to sit and cuddle their grandparents. They think going for a meal will make it easier to understand for the children that they can't be with their grandparents.
Hope this helps

Wait - what? You will allow them to hug OF they come to you, but outside, you won’t allow them to hug?

They have been to see both sets of their own parents and brought their own food and stuff needed for the day. Only went inside the house for the toilet and used disinfect for the toilet seat

I get it. Mil wants a meal out. So this is a good excuse. But it's ridiculous. Also who pays for the meal (though it should be half price Monday). Maybe she wants to make the best of the offer.

It’s your daughter’s birthday, so you should do whatever would be more enjoyable for her. Your MiL can then decide if it’s something she is comfortable to attend or not.

@Thund3rMumma

Okay. So when we normally go out for a meal my children normally get out of their seats while waiting for the meal to come out to sit and cuddle their grandparents. They think going for a meal will make it easier to understand for the children that they can't be with their grandparents. Hope this helps

Your Mil thinks this ? If so you’re right, she is bonkers. Her heart is probably in the right place and she’s obviously massively over thinking things, but it’s abatshit plan with no method behind the madness.

So your Mil is worried the virus and would rather not hug the children and thinks because you cant stop them from hugging her that a meal out will make it easier for them to understand they can't hug her at the moment at all.

You think if she's anxious about hugging then she can't physically see them and shouldn't bother at all?

I don't get her logic at all. She's worried about the virus, so, instead of meeting up with a handful of people in a garden, she would rather go somewhere where plates, cutlery, food is being handled by lots of different people, (although I'm sure this is being done as safely as possible in good places etc etc), where you would all have to sit together indoors the whole time and where other people will be sitting in the same room, nobody wearing masks, because that's impossible while eating...?

I mean, YANBU, she does sound a bit silly.

Well, in either scenario you can tell the children no hugging certain people.

Sitting round a table for a prolonged period of time will probably have the same effect as hugging anyway but if the grandparents are happy to do that without the hugging what's the issue?