My in laws just gifted me scales for my birthday

[Lsquiggles]

It's my birthday and I feel absolutely shit after opening a present from my in laws... Fucking scales.

No matter how hard I've tried with them they've always made it clear they don't like me that much, this is just the lowest blow.

They're meant to come over on Saturday and I don't know how I'm meant to bite my tongue.

If anyone had given me scales, the world would still be recovering from the explosion

Glad your not gunna take that shit any more OP

You could always gift them a book on manners and etiquette, considering they have none?

I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. You say yourself that you have put on weight re. pregnancy / birth, but perhaps they saw this as support for you and a help to regain your previous weight/ size. It would appear that you have a difficult relationship with your PILs and are using this as the straw that broke the camel's back

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. You say yourself that you have put on weight re. pregnancy / birth, but perhaps they saw this as support for you and a help to regain your previous weight/ size. It would appear that you have a difficult relationship with your PILs and are using this as the straw that broke the camel's back

Well generally as a rule, for my birthday, i want fun stuff, cool stuff, stuff i like Not a household item like scales. Would be same reaction to an iron or vacuum cleaner. Its a shit present and has an underlying message of too fat, messy home or lazy.

If they not huge fans of hers, fine whatever, get her some photo frames, gift card or a coffee mug. Basic, easy and NOT rude

Ohhh dear. I’d have to tell them. That’s really mean and non of their business. Give the scales back OP and as for your husband!! Well he would be in the dog house too.

@Cheekyfox

You could always gift them a book on manners and etiquette, considering they have none?

Good one!!

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. You say yourself that you have put on weight re. pregnancy / birth, but perhaps they saw this as support for you and a help to regain your previous weight/ size. It would appear that you have a difficult relationship with your PILs and are using this as the straw that broke the camel's back

It’s not the PIL place is it though? OP might think many things... about them bit rude to say it and act on it isn’t it. Plus a year after having a baby is not long. It’s a nasty thing to do!

Squeekums: don't we all have a house full of "fun stuff, cool stuff, stuff we like"? Mostly that results in just more junk around the place. I'd really have something useful, yes I may have bought it myself but it is appreciated when someone knows what I can really use!

Hey look! Your story's been recycled in an Aussie newspaper!
www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/real-life/in-the-news/my-inlaws-just-gifted-me-scales-for-my-birthday/news-story/85aca028931c5eea6d5c11d8a287e4d0
Bastards!

they just noticed when they came round we don't have scales so thought it would be a good gift

Same school of thought led to some of DPs older relatives buying us some really terrible Argos ornaments the first Christmas after we moved in together.

They'd noticed that we didn't have any ornaments so took it upon themselves to right this oversight.

Obviously never occurred to them that the reason we didn't have any was that we didn't want any, in fact there's probably never been a couple in their 20s who've ever wanted ornaments, especially not the hideous things that these were.

Unfortunately I think one of our cats might have knocked them into the stone fireplace and they broke.

They noticed you didnt have scales??! Shame they didnt notice you didnt have a gorgeous bouquet of flowers/new jewelry/a voucher to treat yourself etc etc.

It's clearly passive aggressive way of saying op hasn't gone back to her previous weight quickly enough, and if we buy her scales she'll weigh herself and do something about it. Nasty people.

@BarbaraofSeville

they just noticed when they came round we don't have scales so thought it would be a good gift

Same school of thought led to some of DPs older relatives buying us some really terrible Argos ornaments the first Christmas after we moved in together.

They'd noticed that we didn't have any ornaments so took it upon themselves to right this oversight.

Obviously never occurred to them that the reason we didn't have any was that we didn't want any, in fact there's probably never been a couple in their 20s who've ever wanted ornaments, especially not the hideous things that these were.

Unfortunately I think one of our cats might have knocked them into the stone fireplace and they broke.

Same for us. They presumed that we also wanted to devote our downstairs bathroom to tacky ornaments. I gifted a charity shop with them

I always remember my step mum having a hissy fit because my SIL bought her some wrinkle face cream for Christmas. She was massively insulted, even though she was about 70 at the time, a heavy smoker and was really wrinkled.

This could be an option.

They sound like awful people and I would be fuming but...... just a word of caution. My mother and my brother's wife basically hate each other and have been at war for the 20+ years of my brother's marriage. This has torn our family apart meaning that my brother has cut himself off from the rest of the family. My mother should not have said some of the things she said and neither should my sister in law but it is too late. As hateful and hurtful as their actions are think long and hard before you go for a full blown, all out war with your in-laws (which you are totally justified in doing if you so decide). Just wanted to say that whatever happens next may have implications for a long, long time. Oh, also just give the scales to a charity shop and then choose them the shittest Christmas presents imaginable. Sending you love x

The thing is, when nasty people are nasty, they often do it in this excusable manner

“Oh I thought it would be a good present as you didn’t have any” BULLSHIT. You wanted to be nasty or at the very least passive aggressive and to to the pretend you were innocent. You’d have to be really thick not to understand how someone with a baby would feel to get these.

They were hardly going to say: haha well we hate her so we buy hurtful stuff for her.

If they say anymore about it and really plead ignorance, tell them to ask some of their friends whether the gift of scales to a mum with a baby was appropriate. Then they can get an objective opinion.

I have a relative who does this. Fortunately not a close one and I only saw her once per year but this is the kind of shit she does. I didn’t even pull her up on it as I saw her so infrequently and I didn’t want to be nasty. In my idiotic naïveté, years ago, I decided to get her nice stuff every year regardless because a) I thought I was being the better person and b) I thought it would encourage her to stop taking the piss out of me and my family. No such luck. She lapped up the nice presents and still gave us pisstakey shit. She would spend hundreds on her spouse (possibly thousands actually, they are not short of money) and give us awful stuff. A chipped mug etc! I know how horrible she is as when we would sit there, she’d talk about her sister and how she got one up on her all the time. Poor bloody sister. At least I was able to cut contact easily as it was infrequent anyway.

@Lsquiggles

My dh called his parents and told them the present had upset me and we will be returning it to them, they said they didn't mean it in a mean way and they just noticed when they came round we don't have scales so thought it would be a good gift they are calling tomorrow to apologise to me apparently but I don't even want to speak to them after they've ruined my birthday for me.

Needless to say they aren't coming on Saturday and I'm done being a doormat to keep the peace

So of any number of items you might not have in your house, they plumped for scales (unintentional pun). What a woeful explanation.

I'm glad you've called them on it and have uninvited them. I did like the cremation urns idea though

Who would say you even want scales anyway? I’m sure there are loads of ‘missing’ things they could have picked up on. My mum was always buying things that she thought I’d like (slow cooker, magimix, yoghurt maker...) but she genuinely thought I’d like them!

My mother and my brother's wife basically hate each other and have been at war for the 20+ years of my brother's marriage. This has torn our family apart meaning that my brother has cut himself off from the rest of the family.

But why should OP be cautious about a rift between her husband and people who don't like her? I don't see my lat DM's side of the family because I don't share their values - they're nothing like my mum was. I know they're a bit embarrassed because they can't present themselves as one big happy family any more but that isn't my problem and I don't have to pretend the problems aren't there any more.

@justilou1 he was spineless at first saying giving them back will cause conflict and I said good so it should, I'm returning them out of principle!

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

I honestly don't understand why you are so upset. You say yourself that you have put on weight re. pregnancy / birth, but perhaps they saw this as support for you and a help to regain your previous weight/ size. It would appear that you have a difficult relationship with your PILs and are using this as the straw that broke the camel's back

People's weight is a very personal thing and I would never get anyone scales whether I thought they needed to lose weight or not. I've never discussed my weight with my in laws as we don't have a close relationship and them buying scales is inappropriate.

Weighing scales are only an appropriate gift if the recipient has requested them. For anyone else they are hurtful or even dangerous.

A friend of mine has a history of anorexia - a gift of scales from her inlaws could tip her over the edge again, she has had several relapses over the years before meeting her DH. Her inlaws have no idea of her history of ED.

@ArnoJambonsBike

Keep it up. You know he will take the path of least resistance, so make it worse for him to upset you than upset those two bastards.

A very good point. Some men, faced with upsetting their mother or upsetting their wife, slip into son-mode and not husband-mode, and choose to upset their wife rather than their mother, believing their wife will be more forgiving.

Dob't let him make that mistake. Upsetting you rather than her MUST become substantially more painful for him if he is not to make that mistake again.

That is so so cruel, I'm shocked someone would deliberately upset you like that and on your birthday! You need to get your partner to understand how hurtful and malicious this is and he needs to have a chat with his parents. You're the mother of their grandchild and if they want to be in your life they need to at least be civilised.

I am pleased your DH grew a pair. I would just stay away now. Take the high road and let them fester away.