To ask if these an age where you would think it was unusual that someone lived at home

[thedaywewillremeber]

I’ve got two adult dc aged 22 and 25 in September. Both still live at home and pay rent to me to live here. I’m starting to think they are getting to an age where they should be seriously thinking about moving on. They aren’t saving for a house deposit in fact the 22 year old never has any money.

I know a few people who live at home in their late 20’s and have no intention of ever leaving. They admit they have a really easy life so why would they. Maybe have a family meeting to find out what their plans are

For me personally I find it crazy, I left for university at 18 and barely went back to actually live there and now at 26 have my own house with a husband and three children 😂 but I also know friends that are the same age that still live at home and they are pretty happy with the situation and I don’t see them making plans to change it any time soon!

Honestly, it would depend on why.
My mid 30s brother lives at our childhood home with our parents. It's also in London, and he deals with a lot of medical appointments on my mum's behalf.

DHs cousins live with their mother. It feels a bit odd for two men approaching 40 to be dependent on their mother like they are (and sharing a bedroom). One has moved out a few times when in relationships, but they never last longer than a couple of years. They still behave like teenagers.

At your DC ages I would probably make saving a condition of staying at home (unless they are studying or in apprenticeships etc)

Anything above 25

Well some people live with their parents forever. If they get on and it works, why not? Why move away from people you love just for the sake of it?

Lots of people go 'home' to parents following the break up of a relationship / marriage. Increasingly, temporary stays seem routine

Never lived anywhere but at home would be a red flag for me, don't think I'd risk a relationship with someone who didn't know what it's like to live alone.

I would say by 30 I’d start thinking they should be moving out.

I don't think it's unusual. In many cultures it's the norm.

That being said, everyone has to be happy with the situation and if you're not happy with them living at home then you need to tell them.

These days no due the cost of housing. My DDad is from a culture where its normal for unmarried men to never move out (or grow up) so there isn't a particular age where it seems weird. To me paying rent to parents is odd as it's just not done in DDad's culture especially when the parents have paid off the mortgage.

It's not good that he isn't at least trying to save for a deposit though. I'd be tempted to take money off him every month and put into some sort of account he can have when he moved out.

Unfortunately I do need to charge rent them as I rent myself. I wouldn’t need a property of this size if they didn’t live with me and my rent and bills would be significantly cheaper.

It depends on the reasons why they're still at home (e.g., providing or receiving care, temporarily returned home, etc) but for most people I'd guess mid to late 20s? Its important to have independence and for the few people I do know who still live with their parents and who have never lived outside of the family home, one aged 38 and the other two three all aged 28-32, there is a really weird family dynamic where they're still very much in a 'child' role and their parents are still in parent mode rather than it being like a group of adults sharing a house

25+

I think it depends, I have a friend who lives with her DF & DSM aged 30, she pays rent to them, works part time and studies full time in London so would struggle to pay for her own place without this deal. She is intending to move out of London and with friends/on her own once she's finished college. Don't think that's strange.

My boyfriend has a friend who is 31 and lives with his DM because she washes his pants, makes him hot chocolate in bed, and doesn't charge rent meaning that he can spend his money on trainers and holidays. I find that a bit weird to be honest

I would have had no hope of being able to afford to live alone at those ages. TBH, I wouldn’t be able to afford it now (I’m 40) if I hadn’t met DH. I rented a room, then shared a flat from 32-35 but I was on a much better wage in a different part of the country but renting was all I could afford there, no chance of buying.

I’m lucky that DH owned a house when we met and when we were both made redundant at the same time we were able to pay that mortgage off and buy outright in my hometown. I know of people around my age who still live with their parents as they’ve never earned enough to rent/buy on their own and are single. I live in a part of the country where housing is cheaper, but wages are also generally lower. Before I moved away originally the only job I could find (unemployment is also high here, always has been) was 3 days a week paying less than £7 per hour. I wouldn’t have met the wage demand for private rental, wasn’t entitled to social housing and as a single person with no children didn’t qualify for any top-up benefits.

I actually think that this can be a cultural thing i.e. the culture of the northern working class vs the southern middle class.
In my neck of the woods it is very, very common for adult children in their 20's to live with their parents. It would not be regarded as unusual at all.
I remember someone I knew had a medical report made about her once, in which the male southern reporter used the fact that my 21 year old friend was living at home with her parents as proof of there being something a bit off about her. He could not or would not understand that this is normal for this area.

If you are renting too and would move if they weren’t sharing it sounds more like a house share?? Which begs the question at what age are you going to stop renting with your children?

In most cultures families live together so for me it’s no biggy.

I always hate when this subject comes up. I left an abusive relationship at 28 and am now nearly 30, living with my dad and toddler. As long as it works and there are discussions around rent then why not?

I think after the age of say 21/22 there should be some kind of plan for how they're going to leave and a timeframe. Ppl say they can't afford it but what they often mean is they can't afford a nice place on their own; they can probably afford a houseshare or a flat in a less desirable area for example. If they're in FT education I'd let them stay for a bit though.

To me, it's important that an adult child stands on his or her two feet fairly promptly. Yes, to have a safety net of your parents' home is nice, but I think independence is pretty crucial.

I moved out at 20 and my mother promptly downsized to a studio so no more option to move back home. DD is 19 and living in Australia with no plans to return home if she can help it! She loves her lifestyle and is renting a place with friends.

My father joined the Navy aged 12 (lied about his age as you could in those days) and my mother left home and went into service aged 14. For me, the idea of living at home in your twenties (unless specifically saving for a deposit for your own place with a firm plan in place to achieve this) would be a sign that I hadn't raised a sufficiently independent child.

In my case my parents were willing to let me stay because I was saving for a deposit. In the long run this has made me less dependent on them. If I was going to spend the rest of my life renting I may well have needed some ongoing support especially after having children.

If they genuinely can't afford anywhere I suppose its different. But presumably if they're unemployed or on very low income they would be entitled to some benefits. I understand in different families its different as well, it's just that my parents always expected me to leave so I have that ingrained I guess. I moved around depending where the jobs were in my 20s.

My sil is 50 and lives with her mother, it works for them.

Quite a lot of my friends still live at home in their late 20s, even some in their 30s. Mostly due to the horrifically expensive housing market. If your parents have the space and are happy to have you, it’s a no brainier really!

I moved out at 19 for uni, briefly moved back in for a few months aged 23 (just starting a new job, in a relationship but not quite been together long enough to move in together but equally it was serious enough that I didn’t want to sign a long term contract and be stuck). Bought a house with DH (to be) at 25. I’m a complete anomaly amongst most people I know.

i am happy for my adult to live at home as long as it is working out, ie they contribute and it doesnt hinder anyones relationships/social lives. (Including mine).

Not really. Times have changed. More and more adults are unable to move out for financial reasons. I know a women in her forties who had to move back because her home was tied to her ex's job. Another moved back after his divorce because his Mum needed help and he needed somewhere to live. One of my own children has autism, though appears totally fine so will probably stay here much longer than a NT peer might. As I grow older I do not judge these things as there's usually a very good reason.