To ask if these an age where you would think it was unusual that someone lived at home

[thedaywewillremeber]

I’ve got two adult dc aged 22 and 25 in September. Both still live at home and pay rent to me to live here. I’m starting to think they are getting to an age where they should be seriously thinking about moving on. They aren’t saving for a house deposit in fact the 22 year old never has any money.

These days, I think mid 20s unless there was a particular reason for it.

I moved out ASAP, 16 or so. I think it’s odd to live longer than absolutely necessary, but that’s because I hated being at home. But if it is working for the whole family then it’s no bad thing living together. It sounds like it’s not working for you anymore though and they sound a bit dependent still. A little nudge perhaps?

My cousin is 34 and still lives at home with my aunt and uncle! She has moved out twice, once on her own and then when they moved from the south of England to the north then she moved back in with them and then she moved out with her boyfriend and when they split moved back in, what I find odd is that when my Aunty and uncle go away on holiday then she gets scared to be there alone and there is absolutely no reason for it apart from her being pathetic quite frankly!

As others have said, it depends.

Strictly speaking, I live with my DD and her partner. 10 years ago, I transferred the deeds to the house to her. Her and her partner do all the work needed on the house and garden, so it seemed right, as she would get it anyway under the terms of my will.

However, my DD and I lived apart for ten or more years, so we've moved on from solely mother/daughter relationship to more an adult to adult relationship, which seems to have worked well for us for over 15 years..

DD and her partner have their own space, and I have mine. It works for us

Time to start nudging them towards the door; you could use down-sizing as an excuse. Don't be making it too comfortable for them and don't entertain overnight guests! You don't want them still there when they're 30 and looking like mummy's boys to potential partners.

Amongst my peers (I'm early 40s) it was unheard of past early twenties. I think it is more common these days to live at home for longer?

I have to say I'm not planning on having my dc live with me til they're 30/40! I'd feel like I'd failed as a parent.

I would be encouraging them to start seriously saving for a deposit. I had a difficult childhood so moved out at 16 and it was soo hard saving for a deposit whilst paying £500 rent per month! Friends of mine stayed at home, paying a fraction of the price in digs and managed buy their own place by their late 20s.
I may be harsh would expect my child to start planning on moving out once they have a full time job and start putting some money in to an isa. I dont understand folk in their late 20s who still live at home and spend all their money on nights out of expense cars on PCP

• or expensive cars on PCP. I know a guy in his 30s who has an audi but still lives with his mum. It's tragic.

25+ if its long term

30+ if it's short term e.g. living with them between renting one flat and another, or while a house sale completes, or after a relationship breakdown

I do find it crazy when people plan to have children of their own while still living at home with their parents but it is more common than I would expect. We see posts quite frequently on here "I'm 6 months pregnant and we live with my parents" or "aibu to ask MIL to babysit - we live with her"

I would think it weird after 25 if they had lived there continuously after school/ college/ uni.
A brief period following a break up/ redundancy etc is quite normal.

Traditionally you didn't leave your parents home until you got married and moved into your own home. Living together, moving away from your home town for jobs/uni/etc, singles house sharing has all changed that.

I went to uni at 19 and came back home during the holidays. Graduated at 23, went back home briefly then I properly left home still 23. That was in the early 2000s. Rented for 4 years then got my own house at 27.

The general consensus here for "unusual" seems to be age 25 and upwards. It does vary though!

Friend 1 - left home at 18 after college, didn't go to uni but trained up in a good job and got their own house at 21. Pretty unusual nowadays.

Friend 2 - went to college and uni, left home at 21, rented a few places then got their own house about 10 years later, early 30s.

Friend 3 - went to college and uni, but didn't leave home until 41, some 20-odd years later. Been renting for the last 6 years and is now 47.

Friend 4 - a couple who have been together for 10 years and living / rotating at their respective parents houses. Then late 20s, they flew the nest and had their own place for the last 10 years and now married.

Gosh all of mine have lived with me and DH into their 30's. We live in the SE (London quick commute) and they have lived rent free while they saved for deposits.
Four sons. 3 of them now have their own homes, whist one DS and DIL (In their 30's) live with us, (was supposed to be temporary) but both have no employment now, thanks to Covid, so are likely to be here a while longer

I sometimes think the events of the last five months have passed people by. A lot of early 20-somethings have left London and other cities because their courses and jobs finished abruptly in March because of lockdown. They aren't earning. What are they supposed to do? My 23-year-old son hadn't lived at home apart from during university holidays, but when lockdown started he couldn't stay in a cramped flat while he studied online. No garden. No part-time job. Of course he came home, as did the majority of his friends! He may get an internship an hour's drive from us and will carry on living here as he won't be earning much.

It's not what we planned but life has changed enormously in 2020.

dayslikethese1 I earned just over £8k at the time and no way could have afforded to rent even a 1 bed flat. Heck, my parents had a shop with a flat above that was a pretty cheap rent for the area and I couldn’t have afforded that and to pay bills if I’d had to pay the market rate.

House shares aren’t common here as it’s not a university town or commuter place or that close to an airport. As most people are coupled up in their late teens/early 20s, houses are cheap enough for two incomes so there isn’t really a demand. It’s being single and having a low income that held me back. As I said, I wasn’t entitled to any benefits as I didn’t work enough hours for a single person. I believe it was 30 you had to work at the time, I wanted full time but it just wasn’t available at the time. Ironically, I now work full time but would love part time...but that’s another thread!

Prior to this, I did have a better paid job and private rented for a year in my area. As the job was a secondment, I had to move back to my parents when that ended as I couldn’t afford the rent and bills (on a small 2-bed, nothing ‘fancy’) on a reduced wage. That’s the reason I moved down south initially; it was the only way I could get full time hours with a decent wage and move out of my parent’s.

If you're in rented, maybe it's time for you to start looking for a smaller place just for you. Perhaps that would be the motivation they need to get a shift on and make lives for themselves.

I'm 50 and when i was younger it would have been unusual to still live with parents at 30. I moved out after uni, but houses are so expensive now where i am that I'd assume if people did have their own place they either were a couple with amazing jobs or that they'd had help with a deposit from parents. If they did live at home when older I'd think they were saving for a house and that they probably/hopefully had a better relationship with their parents than i did which I'd admire

I’d say after 25, but really, it’s a year or two after finishing education.

If they are saving then I’d say fine, but make that a condition for them to stay; proof that they are setting aside a good chunk of what they’d pay in market rent each month.

Staying at home longer is not unusual in London and the South East, where a house deposit is a significant amount of cash. I’ve a 28 year old teacher colleague who still lives at home, but she saves 60% of her earnings and is about to buy her first home.

In my case I assumed after uni I'd join meet up and find some friends in a similar situation and get a houseshare but it didn't happen. There weren't a lot of options for houseshares as it wasn't a uni town and you'd often end up with unemployed people or druggies. I decided it wasn't worth paying out half of my salary in rent.

25 yo I suppose. Unusual can be fine, by the way. Only you can decide, OP.

I think it is fine at any age as long as the adult child involved has the maturity to know when they are taking the poss and when it is just a nice mutual arrangement for all concerned. That needs communication on both sides eg the parent saying clearly if they want to downsize, want more privacy etc, and the child listening and treating the parent as an equal and not expecting to be waited upon or have their laundry done etc. It’s easy for Mum to say “oh I do his washing because it’s easier to make up one big load” without noticing that the adult child never ever takes a turn doing a laundry load that includes his Mum’s clothes. A spouse or flat mate would not stand for that.

OP, have you told your kids you want to downsize?

These days I wouldn't think it was odd until someone was 30. I'm in London, and it makes more financial sense to live at home until you can save a decent deposit (which will sadly take until age 30 or more for many people), rather than forking out loads for a shared rental and then having no chance of saving. DS is 21 and still living at home, but he's (severely) autistic so I expect him to continue to live here until we can buy him a small house on the same street so we can still look out for him.

Not nowadays. A friend was at home until marrying in their early forties.

In our culture you stay until you get married.