To ask if these an age where you would think it was unusual that someone lived at home

[thedaywewillremeber]

I’ve got two adult dc aged 22 and 25 in September. Both still live at home and pay rent to me to live here. I’m starting to think they are getting to an age where they should be seriously thinking about moving on. They aren’t saving for a house deposit in fact the 22 year old never has any money.

In general I would hope my children are out by early 20s. I moved out at 19 and apart from a few short stints (1 month aged 21 and 6 months with DH when I was 29 due to relocation and house hunting) haven't been back since. My sister left at 25 and then moved back in for almost a year aged 40. She holidays with our parents too.

DH left home mid 20s but back and forth till he was 30.

I think much depends on circumstance but I’d expect most folks to have stable employment and to have stopped studying by the age of twenty five and to have moved out and live independently, even if just in house share.

There can be many reasons they haven’t, from caring for parents, to cultural, on, but if it was just failure to fly, that they just liked living with a parent, I think I’d be concerned.

I only come across it on Mn, to be honest. My friends with adult/young adult children seem to resemble our generation (late 40s) by regarding university as the leaving home moment, and that living in grotty houseshares on cups of tea and the small change from down the back of the sofa while you establish yourself professionally is what you do.

The only one who returned after university for more than a few months had an eating disorder and depression, and needed help.

I think it depends on the situation, as to whether you and the kids are equal or still in a dependent relationship. I would assume after about 25 that it was a mutually dependent relationship. That the parent(S) needed some assistance and/or the adult child was living with them as an equal. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it in this case.

Too often though it’s still a parent/child relationship in terms of washing, cleaning, rules etc. I think that’s weird after about 25.

After uni age, especially if they're working. I can maybe understand a couple of returns to the nest if it all goes wrong.
I think it's because everyone is so fixated on buying a house.

I have a friend who is 34 and still at home. Won't be leaving anytime soon either.

I moved out when I was 21, dh stayed at home till he met me and moved in at age 39

It’s whatever works for you. Why would it matter what other people think? My dd left home at 24. My DS is 23 and still lives with us. I have no problem with this at all. We’ve got room so why would I care? He’s very easy to get on with. No dramas. Fun to be around. Has his own room, own TV. People may think it odd, but I’m the sort of person who really doesn’t give a toss what someone else might think.

I have advised the kids (although ultimately it's their decision) to come back home after uni for 2 years to save to buy a house. To the poster who said we are all fixated on buying houses that's true but for good reason. We are starting to plan towards a retirement, our family members without their own homes have fewer options.

I returned to my Mums after Uni (graduated in 2001) and didn't leave until I was 28.

Why?
I didn't haven't anyone I wanted to live with.
I worked locally to my Mums.
Me and OH started saving up for a deposit for our own place.

Although I would have loved my own space, it just didn't seem logical to move out and end up in horrible accommodation.

I suspect my children will be living with us until their late 20s. We live in Greater London and rents are high. Plus I envisage it will take them until their mid 20s to establish a career.

... sorry forgot to answer the question.

No, I don't necessarily think there is a age when it becomes unusual to live with parents. It can be a 'sign' of something else going on, but in itself, no.

Probably late 20s

Like PP it would depend why. My DSis is still at home at almost 30. Her DP lives at his parents house and is early 30s. Both are saving for a deposit on a house together and living with parents makes that easier.

I find any adult odd for living at home though, mostly because I moved out fully at 18. But I get why my DSis is still at home.

If there are no plans to move out, I'd be chatting with my kids about that. Time for a rent increase.

God I would find a partner really unattractive if they were 25 years old and had stayed living with parents without good reason

I think it depends on the basis in which they are still living at home. If actively saving for a deposit then fine, if for financial reasons then fine, if they qre simply coasting then I find it a bit odd.

I moved out in my very early 20's. It was a struggle financially for some years but I enjoyed the independence. I enjoyed living alone and know I could do again if necessary.

I moved out properly at 28. Although I had previously moved out between 18 and 21 beforehand. I wouldn't judge anyone but I might think that someone in their thirties would be unlucky to still be at "home" and their parents

Assuming there are no mitigating factors (being a carer, health issues, etc) then I would say it starts to feel odd to me in late-30s, perhaps 40? I'm a Londoner & it's perfectly normal to still live with your parents throughout your 20s here.

There are obvious caveats, such as additional needs, or leaving an abusive relationship but I find it odd if you are living at home still past the age of uni/few years working. So I guess early 20s.

However, that is just what I/my circle did, so seems most normal to me. I had periods of being inbetween flat shares when I returned home, but in general I have lived outside of my parents house since 18.

I think it depends on where you live, I moved home after graduating at 21 nearly 22 and left just before my 25th birthday having saved enough for a deposit to buy my own flat, I gave my parents £25 a week 'keep' which they didn't really want but made me feel better about myself and often went on a family takeaway! What they wanted was to give me a chance to get on the property ladder, they aren't wealthy so couldn't gift deposits etc but they could help me in that way. DB stayed until he was 26 and never moved out as he studied locally and moved his gf in for the last year so they could save more! Their first property was a house. Under 30 is very common here but it's home counties, easy commute into the city. I would not have had the cheek to stay and just blow all of my money. Even in my first graduate jobs i often had a seasonal part time job, bar work at Christmas, working for a friend's family's events business some summer weekends etc.

I would think under the current climate that it's to that unusual. One of my siblings lived at home until their 40s but it was due to ill health, company for my mum (and a sense of safety) and it worked for them.

It's a tricky line to navigate between the parent/child and adult/adult relationship when under the same roof.

Also, I think there's a difference between those who want to leave home and can't and those who can't be arsed. Even if mine do stay longer I'd hope they would want to leave for their own independence and personal growth. (Apologies for the last phrase but it's too hot to not fall back on clichés!)

@Deadringer

i am happy for my adult to live at home as long as it is working out, ie they contribute and it doesnt hinder anyones relationships/social lives. (Including mine).

That’s how I feel.

I'd assume there was a reason if someone was still there at 25+

The older one has mental health problems and we live in the south east.
Not sure if they would make a difference to the responses.

20+ would raise an eyebrow for me. I’d wonder why.