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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thought this man was rude but AIBU

171 replies

Wowzaaa2020 · 10/08/2020 10:45

So just for context live on a large new build estate, the grounds are absolutely immaculate. We have an artificial grass garden which gives way to our own tarmac drive.

So me and DD(4) were playing football on the grass with bare feet. DD kicked ball onto our tarmac drive so we ended up passing the ball back and forth on the drive.

An old man walks passed staring so I gave a friendly hello, he said straight away “I hope there’s no glass about” and looked at DD feet. I explained that we had just came off the grass and I had asked if she wanted to put shoes on but she didn’t want to. He then turns around and says “monkey see, monkey do” looking at my feet! I said I beg your pardon he said “well monkey see, monkey do” I just said “how rude!” then turned my back on him.

I understand if you were being extremely picky she should have shoes on but it is our own tarmac drive which is absolutely immaculate and we had just come off the turf. AIBU to tell him he was being rude?

OP posts:
MsEllany · 13/08/2020 22:01

Are you prone to overdramatising every single aspect of your life?

I can’t imagine giving the situation a second thought - and then you’ve gone out and apologised and shook his hand?! But think maybe he’s a stalker?!

LillianBland · 13/08/2020 22:05

He probably held your hand like that he he’s elderly and there’s a fucking pandemic! It’s not this man that’s acting inappropriately!

Ohtherewearethen · 13/08/2020 22:08

Good grief, what a series of over reactions. You are giving this far too much thought and letting your imagination run away with you.

dwiz8 · 13/08/2020 22:10

Monkey see monkey do is a well known and used phrase, not comparing you to animals

Jeez op what a drama

SavoyCabbage · 13/08/2020 22:17

It’s unlikely he’s a stalker. He’s probably just going about his business,

I can’t imagine for a moment my dh thinking I shouldn’t go outside and talk to someone without his knowledge. Mind you, my grass isn’t immaculate.

backseatcookers · 13/08/2020 22:21

@MsEllany

Are you prone to overdramatising every single aspect of your life?

I can’t imagine giving the situation a second thought - and then you’ve gone out and apologised and shook his hand?! But think maybe he’s a stalker?!

This! He probably shook it back weakly because it's really weird to shake a strangers hand during a pandemic when we are told not to do so constantly and he probably wasn't expecting someone to run out of their home and ambush him a bit, even if it was to say sorry!

Seriously... calm down!

IsadoraQuagmire · 13/08/2020 22:28

You sound absolutely ridiculous and as for the fools on here who think the word monkey is racist... 🙄

JenandFlo · 13/08/2020 22:41

His ‘creepy’ look and limp handshake were probably acute consciousness that you weren’t socially distancing and could be infecting him with a potentially fatal virus.

Eatyourbanana · 13/08/2020 22:41

YANBU, my kids LOVE being barefoot & often kick their shoes off as soon as they enter the sandpit at the park then refuse to put them back on. I also REALLY like being barefoot, so I get it.

People definitely give me funny looks for it - fuck it! Fuck them! You definitely shouldn’t of explained yourself although I’d of done the same

Next time just say cheers for your concern neighbour, I know what I’m doing 😉👍🏼 Then turn your back!

user127819 · 13/08/2020 22:43

@Glamazoni
The phrase mentions only monkeys and makes no reference to race. You are the one who connected monkeys with race...

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 13/08/2020 22:48

@Mushypeasandchipstogo

Very common phrase in the over 50s especially in the North, have you never heard of it before? I’m afraid that I would be the one to tell me children to put on shoes when outside too- I was always brought up to do that! Incidentally it is actually illegal, on H and S, grounds to go in a shop with bare feet as a PP has said that she does!
😂😂😂 You know this is bollocks, right?

Shops and other businesses can obviously enforce whatever dress code they choose (ie they can ask you to leave if you go in barefoot, or without a top on) but it is absolutely not 'illegal' to go barefoot anywhere in the UK!

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/08/2020 22:50

To me, he sounds like he’s a bit senile. I would not give it a second thought.

Grapewrath · 13/08/2020 22:52

Yes he was rude. Next time totally blank him

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 13/08/2020 22:53

Mushypeas here's what the HSE say: www.hse.gov.uk/myth/myth-busting/2014/case297-supermarket-barefoot-customer.htm

OP - It wasn't any of his business, but he will be from a generation where that sort of comment wasn't considered rude. And you might have alarmed him by shaking his hand, given the current climate.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/08/2020 22:54

FFS!

DesdemonaDryEyes · 13/08/2020 22:54

Fake grass.

Really?

How common.

june2007 · 13/08/2020 22:56

YABU to give it anymore time.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/08/2020 22:57

DH now annoyed that I’ve been outside to talk to him without telling him while he was putting DC to bed and said I need to be careful as he could be a dangerous.
That's weirdly controlling, no?

msbevvy · 13/08/2020 22:58

Wasn't the tarmac hot on your feet in this heat? I agree, the old fella might well have been taken aback by the lack of distancing.

It was fashionable to go around everywhere barefoot at one point in the 60's, and in those days there was dogshit all over the pavements.
There was even a girl at my secondary school that managed to get away with not wearing shoes in school.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 13/08/2020 23:06

Depending on where the OP lives, today may not have been that hot. I could have comfortably walked barefoot on tarmac today.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 13/08/2020 23:17

What am I reading?
YOU noticed it was a different time to normal. YOU ran out as he walked past. YOU shook his hand and yet he's the stalker Grin

As for the pp calling him senile, bit ageist no?

aSofaNearYou · 14/08/2020 09:02

Oh my god if a stranger tried to shake my hand right now I'd be so annoyed, and he's a far more vulnerable old man! What were you thinking? He sounds like a totally normal old man who has walked past your house all of twice, that you are demonising in your head.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/08/2020 09:14

YABU for launching into detailed self-justification in response to a casual comment from a stranger. Where's your dignity? Smile or ignore.

YABU for the artificial lawn, which exacerbates flood risk, for you and generally for your town.

He had a point, that teaching a child it's ok to play barefoot on tarmac could lead to injury, anywhere outside your immaculate, artificial bubble. But, easily ignored, since you're always there to supervise at that age.

freeingNora · 14/08/2020 09:20

Perhaps some examination as to why you're so keen to be seen as nice by a complete stranger who appears to be a creep

The gift of fear is a great book to read

lottiegarbanzo · 14/08/2020 09:29

OMG, just read your update. YOU are the weirdo!!! Poor bloke!

You madly obsess over your own internal speculation about the motivations of strangers, yet you can't actually THINK about the basic, potentially life-saving act of not shaking hands during a pandemic? What is wrong with you?