Thought this man was rude but AIBU

[Wowzaaa2020]

So just for context live on a large new build estate, the grounds are absolutely immaculate. We have an artificial grass garden which gives way to our own tarmac drive.

So me and DD(4) were playing football on the grass with bare feet. DD kicked ball onto our tarmac drive so we ended up passing the ball back and forth on the drive.

An old man walks passed staring so I gave a friendly hello, he said straight away “I hope there’s no glass about” and looked at DD feet. I explained that we had just came off the grass and I had asked if she wanted to put shoes on but she didn’t want to. He then turns around and says “monkey see, monkey do” looking at my feet! I said I beg your pardon he said “well monkey see, monkey do” I just said “how rude!” then turned my back on him.

I understand if you were being extremely picky she should have shoes on but it is our own tarmac drive which is absolutely immaculate and we had just come off the turf. AIBU to tell him he was being rude?

'Monkey see, monkey do' is a phrase to describe someone copying what another person is doing. In this case, OP's son is copying OP.

Is OP a different "race" from the man? Didn't get that from OP but even if not, the phrase isn't racist and isn't calling someone a monkey.

Can't speak for the man's intentions though.

Although he was rude to "question" you that way and make comments about it. Unintentionally so but still rude.

Yes, it's quite literally that monkeys copy others.

Ditto to 'Aping'.

There are lots of phrases that were once widely used but aren’t any more because they’re racist. This is one of those phrases. You can’t go around saying stuff like that nowadays!

It's absolutely ridiculous that people are describing him as "extremely rude" and potentially racist. The only part of what he did that was rude was commenting on something that was none of his business, which I would describe as a bit rude at most. The actual phrase he used is well established, well known and obviously not racist. Good lord there are some absolute drama queens on here.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_see,_monkey_do

He just sounds like an old man, possibly a grandfather himself, making light conversation.

Well it's probably rude to comment on something that's none of his business, but I hate barefooted children so I'd probably have struggled not to comment myself 😬

Monkey see, monkey do is a common phrase that has no racist connotations

@Glamazoni

There are lots of phrases that were once widely used but aren’t any more because they’re racist. This is one of those phrases. You can’t go around saying stuff like that nowadays!

True but isn't the monkey term only inappropriate when referring to a black person especially if coming from a non-black person? I don't see anywhere race or ethnicity has been mentioned here.

Or it it inappropriate all-round now?

@Glamazoni

There are lots of phrases that were once widely used but aren’t any more because they’re racist. This is one of those phrases. You can’t go around saying stuff like that nowadays!

Dear god! Do you even know where it originates from. It has absolutely no connection to racism. Are you going to go to the zoo and demand they change the name of the monkeys, because some arsehole uses the name as a racist slur? Calling someone a monkey because of the colour of their skin is absolutely racist, but the term, ‘monkey see, monkey do’ is completely different!

He was incredibly rude and his comments could be interpreted as racist too, he’s basically called you monkeys.

Jesus wept.

@Glamazoni

I wouldn’t have explained. He was incredibly rude and his comments could be interpreted as racist too, he’s basically called you monkeys.

For God's sake 🙄

@AnotherEnigma

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_see,_monkey_do

He just sounds like an old man, possibly a grandfather himself, making light conversation.

This! I’d be the first to raise my hackles at a strange man telling me how I should behave, look, etc, but this sounds like an old man that was concerned about a child. The reference to your bare feet was probably because you said your child didn’t want to wear shoes, as if that was nothing to do with you, rather than you were leading by example. I’m not judging your lack of shoes, but I think you’re reading too much into this.

A lot of elderly people are lonely and come from a generation where it would have been considered normal to chat to others. Try showing a bit of compassion, instead of anger.

I’d find it rude to, its implying the child is copying the mom and to me was not said in a nice way.

I would have just given him a confused look. You didn't need to explain yourself to him at all.

Don't explain anything to people like that. Just say something vague like "very good" and then ignore.

Yes he was basically chastising the mum, which elderly people (offline) tend to still easily do because it was normal in their time. That's how I see it. I wouldn't begrudge that but would still think "Mind your business, old timer! I know what I'm doing"

Humans are apes (not monkeys, though I am familiar with the phrase), and no other apes wear shoes.

There is nothing wrong with being barefoot, especially in your own garden where you are confident of the environment.

Although the risks of being barefoot on the street are rather overblown anyway - if your feet are hardened to it you're unlikely to get cut even if you do walk on small bits of glass.

And it's better than having your sense of proprioception curtailed (which itself can lead to injury), and having your feet grow up stunted because mainstream shoes aren't the shape of feet.

We have barefoot shoes, but my daughter sometimes chooses to go properly barefoot in public instead.

@Glamazoni

I wouldn’t have explained. He was incredibly rude and his comments could be interpreted as racist too, he’s basically called you monkeys.

Knew it would only be a matter of time before someone mentioned the "racist" connotations

@mrmeseeks I'm with you. It wasn't exactly meant as a compliment, was it?

lol is the word monkey banned then?

What nonsense.

Just an update - Saw said man passing my house again late tonight it was 8:45pm and thought it was uncharacteristic (or maybe thinking too much into it) so felt bad that maybe he was avoiding me and doing his local shop late now instead of passing during the day (we’re always in the garden). Ran out and said excuse me and apologised for the other day, explained that with everything going on in the World maybe I was a little sensitive and shook his hand. He shook my hand back with the most floppy handshake and said thank you sweetheart with the creepiest look I have ever seen! I just told DH that I went outside to apologise as I saw him passing. DH now annoyed that I’ve been outside to talk to him without telling him while he was putting DC to bed and said I need to be careful as he could be a dangerous.

Feeling uneasy now just incase he is a weirdo/stalker. Help!

Very common phrase in the over 50s especially in the North, have you never heard of it before?
I’m afraid that I would be the one to tell me children to put on shoes when outside too- I was always brought up to do that! Incidentally it is actually illegal, on H and S, grounds to go in a shop with bare feet as a PP has said that she does!

He sounds like a complete weirdo, I would’ve laughed in his face.

You shook a random strangers hand, I hope you washed your hands thoroughly.