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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish my friend wouldn't keep sending me photos from her holiday while we're stuck in?

119 replies

MacduffsMuff · 09/08/2020 17:26

DH is having an operation on Thursday. We were told that we had to completely self-isolate as a family (5 of us) for two weeks prior to his operation (we are in a hot spot). That's fine - he needs the operation and we'll all be relieved for him to have it. Keeping a 17 year old, 13 year old and a 12 year old in hasn't exactly been a ball but they've done it and only a few more days to go.

Friend is on holiday at the moment. She sends me about 6/7 photos every single day with 'isn't this beautiful, bet you wish you were here/ha ha ha sorry you're stuck in and we're living the life of riley' etc etc. All of the same ilk. Now, to be clear, I am not in any way resentful of the fact they are away on holiday (it's a very different holiday from one we would choose anyway) but in normal circumstances, she would never send me a million photos daily, it's purely because we are isolating and can't go out. It's actually pissing me off now because we're all fed up and it just seems a bit ... mean. I messaged her back yesterday with a cheery 'looks fab - maybe save the rest until you get back since we've all got cabin fever, have a lovely time'. But today I've had 3 of the beach, two of their lunch and I'm expecting more. It's a bit shit isn't it?

OP posts:

Extracurricularfatigue · 09/08/2020 19:31

That’s a very reasonable response.

My in-laws went on holiday recently and sent us multiple photos a day. Great when we are both working and juggling kids, as we have been for months, including two with SEN.

But guess what? They were in Majorca and got caught by the quarantine, which means that the holiday we were going to have, staying with them to get some help with the kids for a week, is no longer possible.

So now they are video calling us to tell us all their holiday memories involving hot tubs and cocktails etc.

Could we be any more #winning?

OP, I hope the op goes well, and you get a bit of freedom afterwards to enjoy the summer. And a slideshow of your friend’s photos when she’s home.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 09/08/2020 19:38

Your friend sounds kinda horrible, I have to say.

Mute the notifications and just ignore her. Thats the best way to deal with this. Give her no response whatsoever

MarshaBradyo · 09/08/2020 19:39

You were kind in your response, far kinder than she is being.

But at least she’ll stop now.

Spotsandstars · 09/08/2020 19:40

Why is she not just posting them on fb like normal people do?? I'd never inundate even my family with individual holiday pics when away!

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/08/2020 19:47

That was a far more reasonable response than she deserves. But - I don't think it will stop her.

And when she sends her next photo - I would probably get the big guns out and give her the kind of home truths that would ramp up her anxiety and take the shine off her holiday.

I would be pointing out that since she doesn't normally send photos from her holidays, she is doing this deliberately to make you feel bad, and that she can fuck off and I don't want to see her goady little face again. Then block. Permanently. She's is NOT a friend.

altiara · 09/08/2020 19:50

That was a very nice response.
I think I’d have been a bit harsher reminding her that friends care about each other and you’re having a tough time and DH is having his operation in a few days time.
So more of a lady warning before blocking her.

altiara · 09/08/2020 19:50

last not lady

Wishihadanalgorithm · 09/08/2020 19:51

If she posts any more I would give her a link to this thread so she can see how so many people have regarded her behaviour. She is self absorbed and needs a wake up call. I don’t think you need to consider her feelings from now on, she has shown you she doesn’t consider yours.

ShebaShimmyShake · 09/08/2020 19:56

Jealous cow? I hardly think it counts when what you're jealous of is no illness in the family and the ability to leave the house. It's not as though you were spitting over her new hair extensions, and even then it would be bad taste to gloat over them if, say, she knew you had alopecia.

Well anyway, that's more self deprecating than either of you deserve but if she isn't actually a hateful moron (just enjoys acting like one) then hopefully it should do the trick. Meanwhile, for your family and I hope the op goes well. You might want to drop the people pleasing, by the way. It doesn't bring you any cosmic rewards, it just gets you people like her.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 09/08/2020 20:05

It could go either way with her to be honest

There is nothing, NOTHING offensive or upsetting about your reply. Can't stress that enough - nothing nothing nothing. If she claims to be offended, you're well rid of her.

Original poster

MacduffsMuff · 09/08/2020 20:06

You might want to drop the people pleasing, by the way.

I know @ShebaShimmyShake, I really do and I hate it, it's like an affliction! Sometimes I tie myself in knots trying not to upset someone else and make myself feel crap.

OP posts:

newyearnoeu · 09/08/2020 20:10

Re: op' s last post, as someone who suffers from anxiety I wish people would stop using it as a get out of free card for being a complete dick. Anxiety doesn't stop you from knowing where the bounds between teasing and mocking lie. Your message to her went far beyond a hint and she completely chose to ignore it. I would block her until she comes home if I was feeling nice but realistically I would tell her exactly how insensitive she is being.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/08/2020 20:11

Your message is fine. I would have said "Thanks for all your lovely photos, despite me asking you to stop. I will return the favour by sending you plenty of photos of DH's wound after the operation. Lots of them. Especially if it gets infected." I might even add a "LOL" which is always sarcasm from me, never genuine.

category12 · 09/08/2020 20:14

If it might be that she thinks you're laughing along and not actually annoyed by it - just send her a "it wasn't funny the first time" meme next time (and any time thereafter).

To wish my friend wouldn't keep sending me photos from her holiday while we're stuck in?

Grapewrath · 09/08/2020 20:14

I’d reply ‘god more fool you- imagine paying for a holiday during a heatwave. We’re enjoying our quiet garden and paddling pool tbh’

Sockmonster23 · 09/08/2020 20:19

I would respond with 2 polite words and that’s F off. Seriously that’s so wrong

OneMoreLight · 09/08/2020 20:22

I'd just block her til she gets back.

llarreggub · 09/08/2020 20:26

A simple reply would be to ask which burglar you would like to be informed that you are on holiday?

viques · 09/08/2020 20:26

I would be tempted to wait until next week and then get Oh to make some special hospital memories on his phone and send her some close ups.. The gorier the better.

Here we are waiting outside for XX to be taken down. KIds looking a bit glum, worried about their dad lol ,as they have been for the past couple of weeks while you were on your holiday. bless them. Shame we can't visit , but look what he sent from his bed.Check out those surgical stockings.

Yea! OH back on the ward, was a bit sick after the anaesthetic, we are all wondering what the green stuff is. any ideas!!!

MMmm, hospital food. Wish we had smelly vision.

This is Jim in the next door bay, he's has really been through the mill,

First trip to the bathroom!Go OH. Congratulations, bowels well and truly opened again.

Close up of his surgical scar. Wow, those staples look mean don't they. Sorry about the blood, hope you're not eating.

On our way home. Been a stressful few weeks for the whole family, but can't tell you what your interminable holiday snaps meant to us all. Seeing you enjoying fresh air and beautiful surroundings , and reading your in considered and gloating messages really made us realise how hard isolating for someone else's health was and helped us to appreciate the friendship and support we got from our real friends and from each other.

whereistherum · 09/08/2020 20:28

I think your message is fair nicer than I would have been

Bananabread8 · 09/08/2020 20:29

I would just mute the message. Read when your friend is back.

PatriciaPerch · 09/08/2020 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShebaShimmyShake · 09/08/2020 20:32

@MacduffsMuff

You might want to drop the people pleasing, by the way.

I know @ShebaShimmyShake, I really do and I hate it, it's like an affliction! Sometimes I tie myself in knots trying not to upset someone else and make myself feel crap.

You really need to work on that. What we've got here is you isolating with young adult kids because your husband is ill and needs surgery, and still feeling you have to put on a happy clappy, self deprecating face for an insensitive cow who can't stop taunting you about it. Why?

I know you can't just switch it off, but when things are calmer, maybe some counselling will help, or perhaps there are books that could be useful too.

When you're a people pleaser, people don't actually like you, they just find you useful for this sort of shite.

Original poster

MacduffsMuff · 09/08/2020 20:45

When you're a people pleaser, people don't actually like you, they just find you useful for this sort of shite.

Yep, I know you're right about this. I tend to put up, put up, put up then lose my shit. None of that is very useful.

OP posts:

Notonthestairs · 09/08/2020 20:54

Your friend is unkind. Your message is too nice and self effacing. You are not a jealous cow, you are under pressure and she is capitalising on it - deeply unpleasant.

Good luck to your DH.

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