MIL cutting DD’s hair - AIBU

[Verity35]

Just had another fight with DH. Over the years MIL just does what the hell she likes and I’m supposed to be okay with it. When DD was 2 she cut her fringe! She looked awful I’m sorry to use this word but she looked like a nerd! The fringe was so thick and so blunt. Everyone made comments when I took her to nursery. It’s taken YEARS to grow out and finally I can clip it back. DD went around last week and told me grandma said she’s going to cut my hair on Sunday (usual day DH and kids visit her) as it’s very hot. I just reminded DH as he was leaving please don’t let your mum cut her hair. It ended in another fight. He doesn’t think it’s anything wrong with his mum cutting her hair. I’m so sick of her treating me like my thoughts n opinions don’t matter. I told her after fringe cutting incident don’t cut her hair again and over years she’s trimmed her hair thinking I don’t realise. I rather a professional hairdresser cut her hair not my mil. My husbands reaction to the fringe at the time was “oh she looks so cute, like a Vulcan!”. Help me get some perspective please so I can not spiral out of control again. I do suffer depression so not sure if my thoughts are irrational.

Thank you everyone. They’re back now and there’s been no hair cutting!

DH only does what his mum always wants for an easy life. Hair cutting is just the tip of the problems. If MIL did a good job cutting hair I obviously wouldn’t have an issue but she has no clue what she’s doing and DH is not the one that takes her to nursery/school so it’s always me that has to listen to comments!

Yes when DD is older I will let her decide on her hair but at the moment she doesn’t really have any opinions as she’s so small. She did once say she wants to colour her hair white like Elsa’s! it’s black at the moment. But apart from this comment she’s never expressed any desires for fringes etc.

I think for MIL it’s about control, she likes being in charge.

I feel sorry for you that you’ve a DH problem as well as a MIL one. He needs to get on your side otherwise over the years your daughter will pick up in the fact that you’re not to be respected and she won’t listen to you. Glad to hear she’s come home with her hair intact today

That’s good. It’s also ok for grandma to do your dds hair in a style if it gets scruffy. It’s the insinuation you do it wrong that is unacceptable.

Have you got other examples of what she has done OP?

@june2007

The plait thing is a non issue, but cutting hair is. Tell her straight don,t cut her hair.

It's an issue of daughter doesn't want her hair plaited

Your MIL is totally out of order, and also your DH for not backing you up. My MIL used to to undermine me in minor things with my DD which was irritating but my DH always backed me up. Until one day my MIL did something that my DD asked not to happen and I had promised DD that it wouldn't. MIL went ahead any way and as a result my DD was left sobbing that's when I really lost my temper with MIL and once I had finished my DH told his Mum very bluntly that she was out of order.

Your MIL needs to accept you are the parent not her, easier said though when your DH doesn't stick up for you. Good luck OP you have my sympathy.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel

I don't get why a father's decision to allow his mother to cut her hair trumps yours. ?
He is an equal parent to you. He has an equal right to make decisions like this (in law !)

There's a contradiction right there. They are equal parents, therefore if there is an issue they discuss it and agree what they're going to do. Which means that yes, the mother's decision doesn't trump the father's - but it also means the father's doesn't trump the mother's either.

And SockYarn as above to you too.

But the husband has t said he doesn't want his mother to cut her hair....

The issue is entirely with the parents. They need to discuss it and both state their points. Being the 'mother' doesn't give you some kind of legal power to dictate where your husband goes and what he does with his daughter . If he's happy with HIS decision and HE is there with the child then HE gets to decide. If mother doesn't like that then she needs to go with him.. this is a power trip between MIL and DIL which while being standard fare on MN I have never actually encountered in real life..

...Hasn't said