AIBU regarding DD's "curfew"?

[Lobsterquadrille2]

DD is 22, nearly 23. Graduated last year and still lives at home, works full time. We live in a converted flat (this is relevant), built 1737 and very creaky floorboards. The positioning of the door means it's impossible to come in quietly and I'm a light sleeper and wear ear plugs every night.

DD often goes out on Fridays with old school friends (obviously this has only resumed recently). No issues there. I also work full time and usually start at 7.30 ish and my (ageing) body clock wakes me around 5.30 regardless of when I go to sleep.

Saturdays I like to be in bed at 10 and not be woken up. Yesterday DD was out all day (fine, so was I) and I had a series of informative texts (unrequired) which finished with the fact that she'd be home by 10. She wasn't, it was about 10.15 BUT she was very angry about "having" to be home, nobody else's parents are like this, they think I'm strict and horrible, I treat her like a child, she's nearly 23, what is my problem.

I have pointed out that nothing would have convinced me to spend a night under my parents' roof post university, but apparently that's unusual these days. Pre lockdown she would have stayed with her best friend.

She's still asleep but that's the worst argument we've had for years and I know it sounds petty compared with some. I don't think I'm that controlling but maybe truthfully I did think that at nearly 51 I wouldn't have this issue any more.

Am I being unreasonable? I could be. My theory is that a broken Friday night's sleep can be made up, but Saturday less so and I have a really busy week. She pays half the bills and does more than half the housework in case it's relevant.

[motherheroic]

Fix the floor boards and buy better earplugs instead of making it other people's problem.

[Summeriscancelled]

You're so unreasonable. She's a working adult and is covering half of the bills and upkeep of the house. I'd be furious if I was your daughter.

[Dylaninthemovies1]

Yabvu! Probably best get some earplugs. If i was your
Daughter I’d move out pronto

[EggysMom]

Hang on, £40/month in 2020 and no actual curfew?

She's a lucky girl. I paid £70/month in 1990 and still had a 10pm curfew at age 21

[zingally]

Frankly 10pm is EARLY for someone who is very much legally an adult, and even having a curfew at all is ridiculous.

There are many things that can be done to "fix" this...

1: Get a builder in to look at the floorboards and replace some if required.
2: Get a new front door that fits properly, or fix whatever is wrong withe the current one.
3: Lay some nice thick rugs.
4: Push your precious bed time back a bit.
5: Daughter moves out.

Either way, you currently sound a bit crazy, and you're on a sure-fire path to damaging your relationship with your daughter over something incredibly trivial.

My parents damaged the relationship with my older sister for similar reasons (treating her like a child etc), and although she was by NO means the perfect housemate, the relationship never really recovered.

[TOFO1965]

This is an unreasonable ask, though it sounds like you don’t want her there anyway. Your behaviour is very controlling. Let her off the rent so she can save up to move out, or can you help her with a deposit? And sort your floorboards! It’s not complex.

[Fizzysours]

10pm!!!???? God sorry but that is ridiculous. And I am an early riser who is easily disturbed. And it is not easy for kids to get their own place. Rents are ridiculous. Once you start forking out a grand a month on that, you will struggle to ever save for a mortgage. That is not your daughter's fault. Treat her like an adult OP