to ask what your childhood was like if you're one of two children?

[thisusernameismine]

Running out of time and we (both v early 40s) are struggling to decide whether to have a second (and final) child. Have a 23 month old who is my entire world and am most concerned on the impact on her.

I also had an anxious pregnancy including a CVS at 14 weeks, pre term baby (just short of 35 weeks) and our whole lives are about to change with a move from a City to a village (where we no nobody but will be closer to family) and I'm interviewing for a (remote working and part time) job next week.

So basically interested in people's experiences of being one of two kids close-ish in age throughout growing up and now. I have a big family and we certainly aren't going beyond 2, if even that.

I think there are so many other variables that have much more of an impact than the number of children when you're talking 1-2 DC, OP.

I'm one of two. my childhood was ok from that perspective but crap in lots of other ways. Parenting, all the personalities in the mix, family dynamic, culture, strengths, interests, special needs and all sorts of other factors will influence whether they get on and whether both siblings feel they had a good childhood and that their parents made the right decision in having two.

IMO, that decision in itself is the least important decision out of all the ones you'll make for your DC - you can only really judge based on your own circumstances.

Amen to the poster above. Personality plays a big role.

My sibling and I couldn’t be more different and my parents have spent 30 years trying to force us to get on, spend time together and being upset that we don’t live in each others’ pockets. We are fine but we are different.

Hi OP

I'm the younger of 2, although my brother is 5 years older than me so not close in terms of age. From what I can remember, photos and stories told by my parents and other family, my childhood was fun. I remember looking up to my big brother and wanting to be just like him (I distinctly remember being gutted when he decided he was too old to have Happy Meals at McDonalds and we weren't having the same meals anymore!)

This is a very personal choice that you and DH will have to make together, but I enjoyed my childhood with my big brother.

There is 2 years between me and my sister.
We could not be more different.
Think food, politics, likes, dislikes. Everything. People comment on how two parents managed to raise two very difference people.

But we are best friends and I couldn't be without her. She's been out of the country for a majority of the last few years and we still messaged and talked frequently.

I am so thankful she is around with regards to parents and more so as an amazing Aunty for my children.

There is only 1 year and 3 weeks between me and my sister and we had a BRILLIANT childhood. All my memories are wrapped up in her and we can talk for hours and hours and hours about our childhood/teenage years and usually end up crying with laughter.

She was my favourite person growing up and now, aged 36 and 37, we are still each other’s favourite person (husband and children aside).

It is because of how wonderful my childhood was, that made me adamant I didn’t want my first son to be an only child.

I did want a close age gap but for various reasons it ended up being a 3.5 year age gap. They are 6 and 3 now and they ADORE each other, they are best friends and hate being apart.

It melts my heart when I see them together

I am an only but have just had my second child. First is 19 months old. I am 43.
I am so, so glad we had a second. Our family feels complete and the oldest adores the newborn.
It's such a personal decision though.

Awful - I was bullied by my brother who was 4 years older than me.
My mother used to say 'Stop it both of you!' which I felt really unfair because I was the victim but getting the blame. He was a boy and 4 years older!!!

I think that is why I now have to have things totally fair!!!

There’s 3 years between me and my sister and as adults she’s my best friend. As children we played together a lot especially in primary school age, I got a bit too young for her when she was in her early teens but we became close again when I reached my early teens. I have a lot of happy memories of days out and holidays as a child.
However my DH has a sister and remembers not really being interested in playing with her as a child and finding her a pain during the teen years so there’s no guarantees.
I had a second DC in part because I wanted my DD to grow up with a sibling and have a sibling in adult life (also hormones made it feel like an unstoppable urge)

My sister is 5 years older and we never really got on. Parents forced her to babysit me what she massively resented, and myself - I resented her throwing an "authority figure". We both became instantly happy when she went off to uni.

My brother is 2 years older than me
In the past we haven't always got on but we've always had eachothers backs
As adults we are best friends and would do anything for eachother

I’m 8 years older than my brother ! Always adored him never any jealousy . Last year we lost our mum and I can’t imagine going through that without my brother . We now share looking after my dad . If I had been an only child I think handling this sort of thing would be much harder

Sorry should add, childhood was brilliant but that's down to many more factors that having a sibling

I'm one of two - DB is 6 years younger than me.

As children we were just too far apart in terms of age and interests, so my parents could never keep us both entertained at the same time. When I was a teenager he was a little kid and he would take my stuff, mess up my room when I wasn't there and get all of my parents' attention. He was a real handful and so I was just shoved sideways while his needs were met. I got no enjoyment out of having him around, which sounds terrible, but we only interacted to squabble. He grew less annoying as he became a teenager but I moved out when he was 14. Over the next few years I moved away, got married, etc, and now that we're 23 and 30, I see him maybe once a year.

We text sometimes and we get on fine but we're VERY different and wouldn't be friends if we weren't related. He is the baby and has been massively, massively favoured over me when it comes to money and general parental support. My problem lies with my parents but as he gets older, the fact that he continues to take from them (especially considering he earns more than either of our parents) really pisses me off and colours my view of him.

I'm really thankful at this current time I've got 2 DC who play well although there is nearly 5 years difference between them.

I'm in Melbourne and we've got another 5.5 weeks of this lockdown. Dd1 and dd2 have not been as lonely as they could have been during lockdown because they have each other.

I have an older sister (21 months apart) who I have nothing in common with really, but I love her and we speak weekly. The older I get the more thankful I am to have her.

Whoops, I tell a lie - he's just turned 24.

Told you we weren't close

Sister 6 years older than me. Were not really close when I was younger but now we’re both older the gap doesn’t seem as big and we talk everyday! I couldn’t imagine being without her.

Im 2 years older than my sister and we've always got on great. Completely different personalities. But we moved around a bit when we were kids and it was nice to have some to share the experience with. Also then there is always someone to play with growing up.

Also now we're both married with children of our own and I love that my little boys can play with hers. As they are all so close in age.

2.5 years between my sister and me. We fought endlessly growing up and then despised each other as teenagers, but we gradually grew closer as adults and we have a very good relationship now.

I'm glad I have her as my parents are old and in poor health and it would be awful to have to deal with that on my own.

I’ve got a 7 year gap with my brother. Mum list a baby late in pregnancy when I was 2 and she struggled to conceive for years. I was very lonely growing up. It’s great to have a sibling but we had separate childhoods in many ways.

We moved around a lot as we were a military family and there were less play groups and activities. These days with more opportunities for parents to meet up I think an only child can have a great childhood.

What is right for you? Do you want a second child?
Can your set up manage two? What are your reasons for having another?

People will have all sorts of experiences, but really this boils down to the motivation you have (or not) to expand your family. You sound like you have many doubts you have not vocalised, so maybe consider what is holding you back and start there?

I'm the younger of two. I was never close to my sister (and even less so now, although that's because our lives took very different paths) and if I had to describe our childhood in one word it would be "competitive". She was cleverer, prettier and more popular than me. A teacher once said "you're not like your sister, are you?" (and not in a good way). My parents were utterly fair and never favoured one over the other but I still felt it from everyone else. Personalities...

I have one sister and we had a great childhood together. We had our own friendship groups and hobbies so not quite the ‘inseparable best friends’ trope but we loved each other and got on well. As teenagers we went different routes (she stayed in our hometown with a DH, house and a baby, she has a little part time admin job but she’s happy) and I went to university then moved to London and travelled a lot more.

As adults we love each other dearly, we have marathon 2-3 hours long phone calls, we visit each other as much as we can, go on holiday together as a family, and I absolutely adore my niece. Of course there’s always moments of annoyance but she knows exactly what I’m thinking or feeling with one look and it’s great to have that bond.

What IamMaz said but with a 2 year age gap.

My brother was the golden child. It got worse as teenagers because my brother wasn't a very mature teen and didn't do dating or going out until he was 18/19, and other things I was forced into such as VI form, I hated it, I wanted to either work or go to college for Art but my brother had been to VI form at his school so I had to go there.

He wanted driving lessons for his 17 birthday so I had to have them even though I didn't want to. I wasn't consulted just told my lessons had been booked.

I was expected to clean up after him too. And if I was going out to the same places as him he would not give me a lift, but I got into trouble for him not giving me a lift (16 at this time).

I think with 2 children, close in age, it is easy to think of them as a single entity rather than 2 distinct personalities and 2 years is a long time for maturity and physically in small children.

I had a difficult childhood but nothing to do with my sibling. My parents died young...I'm very grateful to have a sister and also cousins for my dc. I have two dc...to be honest, in lockdown I've thanked my lucky stars they have each other, even though they bicker constantly. I don't ordinarily feel sorry for only children but I have done during lockdown. I think it's better to have siblings than not. I know my view isn't particularly popular on here

I must add, we grew up pretty poor and shared a bedroom until we were teenagers and once again when I came home from university in my twenties. I think this literally forced us to i) get along and enjoy time time together and ii) recognise when the other needs space.

We have excellent boundaries with each other in the sense that I can tell her absolutely anything but she also knows when to back off and keep her opinions to herself, and vice versa. Sometimes I can see her DH pushing for something and I know he should just leave it but would never say anything, of course. 🤐😂