I think it’s very hard to trust people after reading what goes in the heads of strangers in the internet and how situation gets analysed with such absolutism leaving no room for mistakes or error of judgement.
Imagine this was a forum, where a man complained saying “my friend asked me for the money back loudly In front of my friends, mates what do you think?”
The only reason why we over analyze is because the dynamic between women have become such that so much passive aggressive behaviour plays under the scenes.. misogyny or whatever had led to that in the female dynamics.
But we ARE playing into misogyny and feeding and not allowing it to move forward by being so reactive to this dynamic.
Being reactive is always irrational.. over analysing. Trying to be hyper sensitive so we don’t fall victims. The endless victim hood mentality.
The correct attitude is to be “responsive” when necessary, and just unphased when not.
Many of us have all mastered the art of claiming to be victims. It’s part of our socialisation, and so many OPs here can narrate what would be a story that would really make them look hard done by.
This is one of the situations where it is absolutely NOT necessary to dwell.
I agree the “behaviour” isn’t great. I agree for many, including myself it would be hurtful.
But not everything that’s hurtful is precalculated and deliberate.
That’s why, discussing direct with the person without those long novel-long stories in our head, is the way forward.
The OP and her intentions are as unknown as her friend. It could be a misunderstanding where both have unknowingly contributed to it..
But what bothers me is the influence this kind of forum has on the thinkng of many of us.. in always always assuming the worst possible scenario with such absolutism.
For what it’s worth, this mentality might increase the mental health issues of people with social anxiety. Drive them to isolation and to develop paranoia and trust issues.
Because we are bound to have friendships with mishaps like this one. And to always have a long story attached to it about the intent of the person is terrible...friendships become no longer worth it.
Please , if you are someone with social anxiety, please note that it is worth being friends with someone who “excuses others” even when they’re hurt and who talk directly to others they’re hurt from.
OP you are contributing to this by not just going to her directly and confidently asking her why she said what she said. M
It’s unfair that after she put effort to lend you money, you wouldn’t communicate to resolve misunderstanding or at least clarify.
If you did and she doesn’t appologise THEN start thinking