To expect a 4 year to do something first time I ask?

[gobananasgo]

Like put their socks on (something they can easily do) or AIBU and or is asking 10 times standard ( which increasingly frustrated voice.?) I do offer help if asked,

Oh Op.
Has it been a hard day
?

Mine doesn’t. I comfort myself by reading articles that say it isn’t good to have an ‘overly compliant’ child.

I’m sorry OP, YABU in the eyes of a 4yo, 5yo, 6yo, 7yo, 8yo, 9yo, 10yo, 11yo.....

But I don’t think YABU

Yes YABU, sorry. My kids are much older and I still repeat myself.

And I drink gin. 😉

Bloody 42 year old always has to do just this thing before he does the thing I ask...

Ha ha yabu. No one has ever put their shoes on in this house without me shrieking in a hysterical way about 27 times. Sorry...

What are the consequences for not doing as they are told and how many warnings do they get before the consequences happen?

Yeah a long day of saying the same requests over and over... I was just wondering if I set myself up to feel frustrated. If it's normal to have to ask multiple times then maybe I should try to be more relaxed about.

I think it's too late for wine gin ?!

There’s a thread on here about four year olds and every one feels your pain

I think you have to expect this for a few years yet OP. Sorry.

This one www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3986023-Are-4-year-olds-just-The-Worst-or-is-it-only-mine

After commenting that I shouldn’t have to be reminding a 15 year old to brush his teeth we conservatively estimated I have asked my children to brush their teeth 40000 times.

😂

Four year old, first request, 😂

It is definitely just 4 year olds. What you can try to do to help is first off make sure it’s a really short instruction. “Put your socks on”. Or even “socks on”. Not “we are going out now so I need you to put your socks on”. Or even longer with what you need them to do next. It’s too many words for them to process so they just give up.

Second, give them time to process the instructions before asking again. It takes longer for them to process language at that age, I could definitely repeat myself at least five times before my child has even worked out what I asked the first time. Ask, give them a minute, ask again without shouting it.

Finally, if this doesn’t work (and often it doesn’t), feel free to shout “SOCKS” until you cry.

Yeah, good luck with that. You have a good few years yet of shouting SHOES! In the morning. Have a nice big glass of wine. It gets better (only joking it doesn't , it just changes to them asking where are my shoes, phone, keys etc) you get the just.

YABU if you think kids listen 1st time.

I'm afraid YABU, and a little naïve. It may not change for the better as they get older.

You can also try and test different tones. I spent years shouting instructions, but actually kids listen much better if you lower your voice just above a whisper.

Also, many kids (and most 4YOs) struggle with executive function, so they will really find it hard to follow complex, multi step instructions.

Happily, there are fun games you can do to help with that. My kids used to beg me to play the ‘instructions game’. This consists of giving kids increasingly complex instructions, eg “first you are going to do 5 jumping jacks, then you will give me two kisses, then you are going to name five types of birds”. They have to remember the instructions and do them in that order. Kids LOVE that game.

Top tip

-Identify all the phrases you use
-Record them all onto your phone
-Play as necessary until they leave home

It saves a lot of time and effort and is surprisingly effective on husbands too 🤣

To be honest they dont do things first time at any age.

@Thingybobbyboo

Mine doesn’t. I comfort myself by reading articles that say it isn’t good to have an ‘overly compliant’ child.

Oh good. I’ve got an absolute WINNER if that’s the case.

For the last few weeks it has been almost permanent batman voice (as opposed to the first request Mary Poppins voice ) in my house with ds2 who is 4 , actually also with ds1 who is 7 but that one comes with an eye roll.

I don't know whether it's the heat , Covid (I do not care how fucking natural this is it cannot be healthy that I have spent 4 months predominantly 24 hours a day with my DC.....I mean this is why the victorians had nannies right ? )

No amount of explaining that if they just did it the first time I wouldn't get cross (which ds1 claimed was only the second time I had asked.....see above point but actually it was the 5th time) has helped. Every consequence at this point has been used , at this point if ds2 (he is the 4 year old) ever in the next 6 months manages to get his shoes on first time of being asked , without not being able to find them (on the rack in the entryway where they always are ! And where he has been stood looking for the last five minutes ) , without complaining that he has spontaneously forgotten how to work velcro or mystically managing to lose a sock (I mean actually lose he has got to eat them because they really do disappear) in the 0.0035 seconds i turned away then i will buy every poster on mumsnet a drink. Seriously that's the safest bet i have ever made in my life !

Phew sorry OP it's been a long day here as well

That

@ohfourfoxache

Top tip

-Identify all the phrases you use
-Record them all onto your phone
-Play as necessary until they leave home

It saves a lot of time and effort and is surprisingly effective on husbands too 🤣

Actually that's a bit genius I'm seriously tempted

Yeah....that's asking a bit much. Mine are much older and I have to repeat requests....like wash the dishes....take your shoes away...vacuum the hall etc etc etc..

Funny enough I remember doing what my DM said straight away...well most of the time anyway 🙄