To expect a 4 year to do something first time I ask?

[gobananasgo]

Like put their socks on (something they can easily do) or AIBU and or is asking 10 times standard ( which increasingly frustrated voice.?) I do offer help if asked,

I would actually be concerned about a child who didn't test the bounderies or
Behaved perfectly all the time. That would be s definate red flag. Mosquito as a teacher surely you would know that.

Hahaha...YABVU. I feel your pain

This is my life. It's hell.

I've found my people!

@Marzipan12

I would actually be concerned about a child who didn't test the bounderies or Behaved perfectly all the time. That would be s definate red flag. Mosquito as a teacher surely you would know that.

Ds was a cause for concern at preschool for exactly this reason. His key worker was desperate for him to refuse to do something or simply say no. Ds since been diagnosed with a host of (potentially genetic related) developmental delays and now has an EHCP.

Dd however has had no problems in this area!

It's my experience - backed up by the glowing pre school reports my DD had this year is that the majority of children are perfectly well
Behaved at school and with their teachers but they test boundaries at home with their parents because they can.

What do you do when they don't act on, maybe third request? This is the crucial point.

All 4 year olds will try this, but how you respond to it is the deciding factor.

You will only need to apply a consequence a couple of times before they actually start to listen to you.

You need to be the one who is in charge - in the long term, its not in your DCs' interests to have that amount of power over your household.

That said, if you've just come to have a moan, you have my sympathy. 4 year olds are hard work.

Just reread in more detail, @mosquitofeast is spot on.

@Bluebellpainting

I wonder what technique mosquitofeast has where his/her children only ever had to be asked once to do something. Saying if you can’t work out what it means to parent your children that you shouldn’t have them is ridiculous. How one person parents a child is completely different to another. Hence the hundreds of books, websites and gurus on how to raise children. If it was so obvious those wouldn’t exist. I had to check it was the same person but he/she is also the person who’s posted on another thread implied that eating fruit gave you diabetes and that pudding was nutritionally better for a baby than fruit. So I think I would listen to the many others on this thread who said it is normal for a 4 year old to needed to be told multiple times to do something.

Schools do expect healthy NT 4 year olds to be able to do as they are told when they start. For example walking single file out of the classroom if there’s a fire alarm / drill. Eating food at lunchtime. Waiting to use the toilet. Structured play around the teacher’s schedule. The parents that tend to fail their kids are those who don’t prepare them for this - an early delay in doing as they are told in school can often set a child back for life.

We used 1, 2, 3 Magic technique and time out with some success. They only ever did as they were asked on 2! Maybe it was because it took them that long to process the request.

I was still able to use it with them as teens as I think it was so automatic by then!

@GrumpyHoonMain I’m not saying that 4 year olds can’t follow instructions full stop but that it is unrealistic expecting a 4 year old to do something the first time they are asked every time. It hugely depends on the context at which it is asked or told, how, what else is going on. Also telling a whole class to line up is different to asking an individual. Part of teaching is repetition and checking understanding. The same applies to giving instructions to do things. And blaming poor parenting is just simplistic and decisive.

I count back from five after first time iv asked then there is a consequence. Works well most of the time

Oh dear, mine are almost adults and the kind of "compliant" children who often get me compliments "sunch lovely boys". It's still incredibly frustrating. Our current routine goes "You don't need to shout". "Yes I do, it's only when I start shouting you actually do as you're asked". "Huff...Sigh....." "do it the first time and I promise I will never shout again"

We have races, my grandson and I. I bet he can't get his shoes/ coat/ hat on before I've had a wee/ put my shoes on/ the google alarm goes off. It's taken a while to get there tho!

I will day it twice and then say, I'm going to say this one more time in a nice voice...
Usually works. Her dad counts down from five with the threat of a toy being taken away for a day.