AIBU to feel that this level of aggression was excessive?

HouseSaleIssue · 2020-08-06T21:08:57+00:00

I took my family to an attraction yesterday to ease school holiday boredom. A man in front of me started screaming at the top of his voice saying I had got too close. I feel really bad that I must have inadvertently broken social distancing and I of course immediately apologised. However I still feel physically sick with fear at the level of aggression. I have been having problems with memory and multi tasking and find it difficult in shops to deal with the task in hand and following the arrows. A moment's lapse in concentration and I find I am going in the wrong direction for the path of arrows. I am wondering really if the difficulty I am having is a normal or not. I am trying to observe social distancing, but am struggling.

oopsiedaisy2 · 06/08/2020 22:11

People are feeling much more anxious right now which is impacting behaviours. He probably didn't mean to come across aggressive it's probably fight or flight mode at that point .

Aquamarine1029 · 06/08/2020 22:11

Do you think you might be struggling with anxiety when you're out in public places?

PurpleDaisies · 06/08/2020 22:11

Obviously he was out of order.

Some people are very anxious at the moment, and some seem to relish shouting at people for not doing Covid properly.

MoonlightMusings · 06/08/2020 22:12

No not at all, there’s no need for aggression. Perhaps if you are struggling with your memory it might be worth a GP visit?

mosquitofeast · 06/08/2020 22:17

You shouldn't have got too close to him. You may have put him in fear for his life. Even if he isn't particularly frightened for himself, everybody wants this to just go away, and forgetting to socially distance is going to prolong the situation for everyone, and endanger more people.

I am sorry he shouted at you, but it is not a small thing to get too close

Jimdandy · 06/08/2020 22:19

My take on it is, if people are so worried about the virus then don’t go out unless it’s to do your shopping.

Original poster

HouseSaleIssue · 06/08/2020 22:21

@MoonlightMusings

No not at all, there’s no need for aggression. Perhaps if you are struggling with your memory it might be worth a GP visit?

Yes, I am thinking of approaching GP about this.

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labyrinthloafer · 06/08/2020 22:21

sounds horrid.

Why do you think you're struggling with SD etc?

mosquitofeast · 06/08/2020 22:21

@Jimdandy

My take on it is, if people are so worried about the virus then don’t go out unless it’s to do your shopping.

It might not be personal worry though, just desperate for the pandemic to be over, and angry at people not socially distancing, because that will just make it go on for longer.

Original poster

HouseSaleIssue · 06/08/2020 22:25

@Aquamarine1029

Do you think you might be struggling with anxiety when you're out in public places?

I am feeling a lot of anxiety going out following on from this incident. If it was only me with no family to be responsible for, I could cheerfully avoid going out.

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SquishySquirmy · 06/08/2020 22:28

He was completely in the wrong to start screaming at you.
"Fearing for his life???" Yes, people should try their best to socially distance but if a person is THAT terrified that they go into "fight or flight response" where they cannot stop themselves aggressively screaming at others then I think they should avoid popular attractions for now.

OP, contact your gp if you are having lots of trouble with memory or regularly struggling with the new rules.

However occasional lapses of judgement and mistakes when it comes to social distancing ARE normal.
I have found myself going the wrong way to the arrows before although I doalways try my best.

I am assuming you are female op?
I cant help but wonder how the bloke might have acted had you been a tall, muscular man. Do you think he would still have been so aggressive? Or do you think he may have managed to control his emotions more when faced with another man?

Original poster

HouseSaleIssue · 06/08/2020 22:30

@oopsiedaisy2

People are feeling much more anxious right now which is impacting behaviours. He probably didn't mean to come across aggressive it's probably fight or flight mode at that point .

I think he was intending to be as aggressive as he could be, short of getting physical. As he was much younger and bigger, it was terrifying.

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SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 06/08/2020 22:33

Screaming at you was a massive over reaction. I get that people are nervous, but its not hard to remind people to keep their distance without resorting to screaming.

I would imagine someone screaming and shouting would be more likely to cause spit to be thrown around than someone quietly queuing BEHIND you.

I agree that I doubt he would've pulled that shit on a man.

MaxNormal · 06/08/2020 22:35

Fear of his life? Load of arse, just another aggressive man. Bet he would have reined in his mortal terror and not shouted at a larger man.

Original poster

HouseSaleIssue · 06/08/2020 22:38

@SquishySquirmy

He was completely in the wrong to start screaming at you. "Fearing for his life???" Yes, people should try their best to socially distance but if a person is THAT terrified that they go into "fight or flight response" where they cannot stop themselves aggressively screaming at others then I think they should avoid popular attractions for now.

OP, contact your gp if you are having lots of trouble with memory or regularly struggling with the new rules.

However occasional lapses of judgement and mistakes when it comes to social distancing ARE normal.
I have found myself going the wrong way to the arrows before although I doalways try my best.

I am assuming you are female op?
I cant help but wonder how the bloke might have acted had you been a tall, muscular man. Do you think he would still have been so aggressive? Or do you think he may have managed to control his emotions more when faced with another man?

Yes I am female and the chap much younger and bigger. Very much doubt he would have risked going do far with level of aggression otherwise.

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romeolovedjulliet · 06/08/2020 22:38

@mosquitofeast

You shouldn't have got too close to him. You may have put him in fear for his life. Even if he isn't particularly frightened for himself, everybody wants this to just go away, and forgetting to socially distance is going to prolong the situation for everyone, and endanger more people.

I am sorry he shouted at you, but it is not a small thing to get too close

fearing for his life, wtf ? he sounds a complete knob, it wouldn't have happened if you were a man he wouldn't have dared.

TheMandalorian · 06/08/2020 22:39

@SquishySquirmy

He was completely in the wrong to start screaming at you. "Fearing for his life???" Yes, people should try their best to socially distance but if a person is THAT terrified that they go into "fight or flight response" where they cannot stop themselves aggressively screaming at others then I think they should avoid popular attractions for now.

OP, contact your gp if you are having lots of trouble with memory or regularly struggling with the new rules.

However occasional lapses of judgement and mistakes when it comes to social distancing ARE normal.
I have found myself going the wrong way to the arrows before although I doalways try my best.

I am assuming you are female op?
I cant help but wonder how the bloke might have acted had you been a tall, muscular man. Do you think he would still have been so aggressive? Or do you think he may have managed to control his emotions more when faced with another man?

^^ this We all dwell on the one instance of bad behavior to avoid the same happening again. Try to remember the hundreds of other people you saw and who managed not to make a scene. He was a bully and needs to stay at home.

AWryGiraffe · 06/08/2020 22:39

Fear for his life? Bollocks. There's no excuse for being aggressive, it's rarely actually necessary.

Anxiety and stress can impact on executive function and memory. I would look into something to help that and put this experience behind you as some arsy bloke throwing their weight around. Depending on you, this could be some form of counselling, GP visit, yoga/Pilates/mindfulness type stuff work for some. Maybe you just need a break? It's stressful for everyone at the moment, no shame in it.

Londongirl888 · 06/08/2020 22:46

He sounds horrible and unnecessary to shout. How close were you?
How can you not be aware?
Would you have felt threatened for your family if he had done the same to you getting so close? I appreciate you may not have shouted at him we all have to appreciate the threat inadvertently we are to others.

mosquitofeast · 06/08/2020 22:49

fearing for his life, wtf ? he sounds a complete knob, it wouldn't have happened if you were a man he wouldn't have dared.

Fear for his life? Bollocks

You have heard of corona virus I assume?

Original poster

HouseSaleIssue · 06/08/2020 22:49

Thank you all for your kind words. @AWryGiraffe Yes I think I have always had problems with executive function which is worsening with age (now in 50s). Find it hard to focus on both doing shopping and following arrows in shops simeltaneously

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AWryGiraffe · 06/08/2020 22:51

If you are in fear for your life during a minor infringement of social distance perhaps don't go to a family attraction on a day out, rather than lashing out at strangers.

Original poster

HouseSaleIssue · 06/08/2020 22:53

@Londongirl888

He sounds horrible and unnecessary to shout. How close were you? How can you not be aware? Would you have felt threatened for your family if he had done the same to you getting so close? I appreciate you may not have shouted at him we all have to appreciate the threat inadvertently we are to others.

I didn't think I was that close. However, it was in an aquarium so I may have been closer than I realised whilst being distracted by looking at the fish.

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Original poster

HouseSaleIssue · 06/08/2020 22:57

It was a tricky environment to social distance in as very limited space.

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Leflic · 06/08/2020 23:08

Weirdly, I’ve been hearing lots of shouty men lately.

I’m in a very “ niace” town but saw a man full on screaming at his girlfriend in the street, one if our neighbours is shouting everyday and there’s been several incidents in Tesco’s ( normally unheard of). The level of mouthy aggression in parks and pubs is noticeable.

I was thinking it might be down to the more civilising parts of society not being out as much.