Elderly mother fibbing on car insurance

[Transitory73]

I think that I’m in the right, but would appreciate some insight.

(I’ve namechanged for this).

My mother is 86. She learned to drive in her fifties, and has had a car ever since. My father is still alive, and doesn’t drive.

I discovered today that when she renewed her car insurance earlier this year, she deliberately concealed a medical condition. She has been undergoing treatment for macular degeneration for a year.

She’s just acquired a new (to her) car, which arrives next week, and because she goes to pieces when she has to deal with any kind of call centre, I called up on her behalf to ask for her insurance to be adjusted. After I’d made the call, she said, “you didn’t mention my macular degeneration did you?”

I was furious with her. She thinks that everything is ok because she had an eye test at the optician earlier this year, after she’d renewed the insurance having failed to disclose her eye condition, and the optician pronounced her fit to drive.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve had it out with her today and explained to her that she has invalidated her car insurance by concealing her condition. If she crashes her car, no insurance but worse still, if she hits somebody else and injures or kills them, her insurance won’t cover them. I think that she’s committing fraud, as well as being selfish and irresponsible.

None of this cuts any ice with my mother: her response is, “stop going on about it” and when that fails, “you’re really upsetting me now and I can’t cope with the stress at my age”.

She’s worried that her car insurance will go up, but my view is that if you want to carry on driving in your eighties, you need to pay the appropriate car insurance premium. She can’t understand why her premium is almost £1,000 even without disclosing her eye condition. The answer, of course, is that old people have more accidents.

What would you do?

A: tell her that if she doesn’t call her insurers and disclose her condition, I will.

B: leave well alone, on the grounds that she is an adult who can make her own decisions and take her own risks.

(The problem with B, of course, is that it’s not just herself she is putting at risk).

OP. Can you use an argument that £1000 insurance plus car costs adds up to a lot of taxis? (and paper delivery charges).

I think it must be really scary having to stop driving and to lose your independence. I can see why people go on longer than they should.

But you are treating her like a child. Just try reading back what you’ve written and imagine someone taking that attitude with you. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment.

It’s quite clear that because her ophthalmologist has decreed her safe to drive she’s more willing to accept their opinion than yours. Which is entirely reasonable. If I were you I’d call the ophthalmologist with her and ask if she needs to notify DVLA, they’ll either say yes or no.

If they say yes, she doesn’t have any grounds for argument and she’ll take it far better.

My experience with dealing with my dad taught me that you have to be clever with these things. Confrontation only made him dig his heels in, exactly the way your mum’s behaving. Treat people like children and that’s how they’ll behave.

you're dealing with this very well Transitory73 - ignore the people who can't be bothered to read the rest of your posts before they weigh in with questions or opinions

With respect, I wish that people would read the thread. Yes, she has macular degeneration in both eyes. I’ve answered that question several times. So yes, it is notifiable to the DVLA.

That’s the case irrespective of what the ophthalmologist says. It’s ther in black and white on the DVLA website. Check.

The nicey nicey approach didn’t work. Logic didn’t work. Calm reasoning didn’t work. Explaining the consequences both for her personally and for the rest of the family if she’s involved in an accident didn’t work. Asking how she’d feel if an uninsured driver ploughed into her grandchildren didn’t work. She dodged the discussion every time. I ask again, what’s your solution? Apart from ‘being clever with these things’, of course.

If she has an accident, they won't pay out.

And she could potentially face criminal charges!

Ignore Vinyl, OP. She's on the other thread doling out stats about young drivers and defending old people who cant drive competently anymore.

I’ve told you what my solution would be in detail. She won’t listen to you. Get someone she will believe to tell her.

If you continue like this, you’ve got a rough ride ahead of you.

@ArnoJambonsBike

Ignore Vinyl, OP. She's on the other thread doling out stats about young drivers and defending old people who cant drive competently anymore.

No she isn’t. HTH.

I would report her to the Dvla.

if she hits somebody else and injures or kills them, her insurance won’t cover them.

I know I'm late to the thread so apologies if this has been pointed out alread but you don't need to worry about this bit.
Insurer's still have to cover 3rd party losses even if the policy is invalid. The insurer may then choose to recover their losses from your mother, and from what you've said she'd be up shit creek, but at least the victim will be taken care of in the event of an accident.

A few weeks ago, a 91 year old lady driver mounted the kerb and killed a wee boy in Edinburgh. Heard on the news that she has now been arrested and charged. Imagine an elderly lady having to go through that on top of the trauma of killing a child.

So no, the police won’t think she’s a sweet old lady and let her off.

Obviously all my sympathy is with the little boys family. I don’t know how you would ever get over something like that.

I’ve told you what my solution would be in detail.

No, you haven’t. Your solution is ‘ask the ophthalmologist if she needs to report her condition to the DVLA’. We already know that she does. Here’s the second bit of your solution:

She won’t listen to you. Get someone she will believe to tell her.

As I’ve already pointed out, she won’t listen to anybody.

If you continue like this, you’ve got a rough ride ahead of you.

I can live with that, I think. Here is what I couldn’t live with: if, in the future, her eyesight continued to deteriorate and the DVLA didn’t know, because she didn’t report her eyesight problems, and she didn’t bother going for eye tests in case the optician told her to stop driving, and she couldn’t see well enough to drive safely, and she injured somebody, and I could have prevented it.

I just read the story about that poor little boy in Edinburgh. What a tragedy.

@Transitory73

Thanks.

If my mother called me and said, “I’ve just reported my macular degeneration to the DVLA” I wouldn’t believe her. Not a chance. If she pulls that one I’ll say, “great, let’s submit the form anyway, then there’s no chance of any confusion, is there?”

It’s horrible though, being told that you’re putting your parents’ health at risk by audaciously asking them to do the right thing. I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I do.

You're only putting their health at risk if you fail to report it to the DVLA - her risk of having an accident is up and it needs monitoring to see when the risk is too high and the danger for herself and others too much.

You're doing a good thing, I'm sorry it's so hard. Is there anyone of their generation who will back you up (ideally in casual conversation so it seems less staged!)? In my experience people will often listen better to their peers. And also, and I hate to say this, to males. I've experienced it in my own family so I know how shit it is.

Hrtft but I think A.At 86 no offence but shes v old to be still driving anyway.With her condition on top of that she's an accident or worse waiting to happen.

In my experience people will often listen better to their peers. And also, and I hate to say this, to males. I've experienced it in my own family so I know how shit it is

This has been my experience too. Which is why I suggested the ophthalmologist telling her.

Sorry I'd just report her. Bottom line is if you keep quiet it makes you an accessory. She sounds like the type that'll dob you in just to get you into trouble when the police/DVLA finally catches up with her.

@Transitory73

I just read the story about that poor little boy in Edinburgh. What a tragedy.

I'd show her that.

Sorry you're having such a tough time getting through to her. You're doing the right thing.

BBC News - Boy, 3, dies after car crashes into Edinburgh charity shop
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-53236522

Show her this.

So no, the police won’t think she’s a sweet old lady and let her off.

I'd bet you a pound to tuppence she doesn't end up in jail. She will certainly be let off more than a young person would.

Point out to her that she's paying 1k for insurance that's invalid anyway? What a huge waste of money.

There is a form to report her to the DVLA, personally I’d be doing that.

If her eyes are currently ok, and the optician has said she is ok to drive, why all the drama about contacting the DVLA about it?

(I mean from her side, not yours OP. What is she so worried about - they're not going to stop her driving if she's been cleared to drive - or are they - something is now stirring in my brain about a thread on here about someone having had a condition and their doctor said they were ok to drive but they had to wait for the DVLA to ok it too which took months).

Not sure the DVLA is doing anything at the moment anyway. Your mum could fill in the forms and it could be next year before they look at them.