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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my DP was totally unreasonable

117 replies

Everythingnotsaved · 06/08/2020 17:55

We are away camping & I have just spent an hour in a supermarket on my own doing a 5 days shop & planning 3 meals a day for the family while DP sat in the car.

We get back to the campsite & DP puts the shopping away & has a massive go at me for being ‘stupid’ and buying too much food to fit in our electric cool box. Honestly I was more focused on the fucking stress of planning meals & buying food in a supermarket where I can’t find anything.

DP was so cross with me & now I feel fed up because I’m the one that has the burden of meal planning & shopping & all he has to do is put a few groceries away 🙄

Aibu? I just lost it as he spoke to me like I am a stupid child

OP posts:
SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 06/08/2020 22:00

I've just apologised to my DP for taking him camping on his birthday weekend and then not taking him out for dinner every night. I didn't realise it was tight and emotionally and financially abusive bit now see the error of my ways. He is confused.

I have also reported VodkaCranberry's post because calling another poster a 'complete fucking arsehole' is not on.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 06/08/2020 22:08

@SeasonallySnowyPeasant thank you.

2155User · 06/08/2020 22:08

I'm guessing he was watching the children in the car, so not just sitting doing f all

Your fault. You know how big your cool box is. Buy accordingly.

You should've planned better and sorted this all out before you left.

YABU

2155User · 06/08/2020 22:11

@Vodkacranberryplease

You sound like you're having a great night.

Some of us love camping in England. And even though it involves the usual jobs of cleaning/cooking etc I still see it as a fun break and holiday

Stop moaning so much

thepeopleversuswork · 06/08/2020 23:25

Jesus. What's with this obsession about how much fits in the coolbox?

Where did I miss the memo that said your perfect management of your own coolbox gave you the right to never-ending sanctimoniousness towards other women who haven't quite mastered this and gave their husbands the right to be arseholes over this minor breach of camping etiquette?

The OP comes on because her husband has been a dick to her over something fairly trivial at the start of her holiday and people have piled on to have a go at her about her improper meal planning and coolbox management.

I despair. OP: I wouldn't know how much food fit in my coolbox. I don't have a fucking coolbox. If I did and by boyfriend shouted at me for its improper management I'd walk off and leave him. Forever.

mathanxiety · 07/08/2020 00:14

Years and years ago I packed enough clothes, shoes, nappies, and general baby gear for our then family of five including a 4 month old baby to take a trip to a place where weather was mixed - could be fine, could be cold enough to warrant jeans, sweatshirts, etc.

We stopped for the night in a motel en route and I opened the suitcase to take out DD1's and DS's swimsuits. I had managed to put it all in one big suitcase and I had also packed BBQ utensils because we were going self catering and had been promised a grill.

ExH sat by the suitcase sneering at me for packing what he considered an excessive amount of clothing. He picked up individual folded items, rolled his eyes like a fucking teenage girl, dropped them back higgledy piggledy, then spotted the BBQ fork and shook his head in mockery.

Then he took DD and DS off to the motel pool, and supervised them so well that DS(2) nearly drowned and had to be rescued by other swimmers.

It took me many more years to divorce him. I should have left the bastard then and there.

It strikes me that you are facilitating a lovely holiday for your P, aren't you @Everythingnotsaved, doing all that shopping and meal planning while he relaxes and enjoys himself.

Quite honestly, I would shove the cool box up his arse and leave.

And regardless of how invested you are in it, I would reconsider this relationship. You don't need a heckler in your life.

ChubbyPigeon · 07/08/2020 00:35

Why does it take you an hour to shop for 5 days?

Why do you need to meal plan for 3 meals a day? I mean surely breakfast and lunch are easy? If meal planning is that vital I wouldnt be doing it in the shop, otherwise you just need to relax and go with what you can get

Also is food going to keep in a coolbox for 5 days? Some stuff like butter/cheese might but not meat. Especially not if you are anywhere about to have a heatwave. Id be pissed off actually if DP spent an hour in the supermarket and bought too much food.

I also dont understand what a PP found so amusing about their friend using the camping shop? Is that not normal?

LadyGAgain · 07/08/2020 00:53

... would HE fit in the cool box....

Vodkacranberryplease · 07/08/2020 08:15

@thepeopleversuswork

Jesus. What's with this obsession about how much fits in the coolbox?

Where did I miss the memo that said your perfect management of your own coolbox gave you the right to never-ending sanctimoniousness towards other women who haven't quite mastered this and gave their husbands the right to be arseholes over this minor breach of camping etiquette?

The OP comes on because her husband has been a dick to her over something fairly trivial at the start of her holiday and people have piled on to have a go at her about her improper meal planning and coolbox management.

I despair. OP: I wouldn't know how much food fit in my coolbox. I don't have a fucking coolbox. If I did and by boyfriend shouted at me for its improper management I'd walk off and leave him. Forever.

My point exactly! It's just so spiteful and petty to say "well I would have done it perfectly."

I also do not have a cool box snd would not go on a holiday involving a cool box unless it was purely for drinks on days out. But on this thread we have stepped back to the 1970s when camping was the only option for most families and wives were expert at 'household management' and woe betide them if they got it wrong.

Though I expect back then only the arsehole husbands made a fuss about it. The normal ones just laughed and took the family for fish and chips.

I've got a tenner on this guy being a tight prick. Controlling and mean. This isnt loving behaviour from a normal husband and those saying it us should be ashamed of themselves.

2155User · 07/08/2020 08:28

@Vodkacranberryplease

You honestly sound quite unhinged.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/08/2020 10:09

She doesn’t sound unhinged at all! Confused

This is a domestic spat, but what matters is how partners talk to each other and treat each other.

He called her stupid. He got angry. He’s a dick.

beingsunny · 07/08/2020 10:22

Take everything out of packets and boxes, next time just ship for a couple of days at a time.

On the upside, I bet it's not raining!

I'm sitting beside a dying campfire in the pouring rain, three hoodies and a rain coat, with an umbrella. My DP swore the rain would stop by 5.30pm and we absolutely must go camping so he can escape the monotony of WFH full time.

(I'm not in the UK)

I want to drown him in the nearest puddle right now and take the car and drive home.

Ignore him, it's done now. Camping shopping is a ball ache.

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/08/2020 10:25

You were stupid to buy 5 days of food when camping. Sorry, but I’d be upset too. If my DP had done that I’d probably be postIng about my man child who thinks our cool box is the tardis.

beingsunny · 07/08/2020 10:26

Oh an I have the opposite problem, we have sausages for dinner. 24 of them he bought from the butcher on the way here.

I asked him to bring red wine and some kind of ready prepped salad, he bought neither so we are having a bowl of sausages for dinner and gin. He went to the supermarket for salad and only bought tonic and chocolate

mrsm43s · 07/08/2020 10:44

Well, you big time fucked up a pretty simple job. The whole point of meal planning for camping is about planning and buying suitable food, ambient food where possible and ensuring that you can fit it into the coolbox/store it appropriately.

However, calling someone stupid and sulking is also not OK, so he's being unreasonable for that.

You are meant to be a team. You should be solving this together.

monkeymonkey2010 · 07/08/2020 14:10

dump the fucker......why are you still with him when he treats you like shit?

Grapewrath · 07/08/2020 14:17

Camping is super stressful. I can just about manage one night for the dc and I hate every minute. Definitely doesn’t sound like you are going to enjoy this holiday- do you think it’s about the food or something else going on?

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