To think my DP was totally unreasonable

[Everythingnotsaved]

We are away camping & I have just spent an hour in a supermarket on my own doing a 5 days shop & planning 3 meals a day for the family while DP sat in the car.

We get back to the campsite & DP puts the shopping away & has a massive go at me for being ‘stupid’ and buying too much food to fit in our electric cool box. Honestly I was more focused on the fucking stress of planning meals & buying food in a supermarket where I can’t find anything.

DP was so cross with me & now I feel fed up because I’m the one that has the burden of meal planning & shopping & all he has to do is put a few groceries away 🙄

Aibu? I just lost it as he spoke to me like I am a stupid child

YANBU, he sounds miserable. If he thinks you've bought too much he can do it himself next time

@AtrociousCircumstance

Calling you stupid is abusive IMO.

So he sat on his lazy arse in the car, left you to do all the mental load plus physical work of it, then had nothing but scathing criticism of you?

Calling someone stupid is a vile display of assumed dominance.

He sounds like an absolute prick.

He didn't call her stupid.

Jesus Christ MN are always so quick off the mark to see a relationship fail.

I assume he was in the car with the kids??

He has been a dick, tell him so. And tell him it's time to move on and enjoy the break. Then do just that.

Surely that course of action is a better plan than driving home and leaving him (and the kids??) there which would be a relationship ending scenario.

unless he is generally an utter cunt and this isn't out of character for him. In which case make the best of the holiday and get rid when you return

Mental load? Please.

4 people, 5 days.

Breakfast: 2 loaves bread for toast or bacon sandwiches, butter, peanut butter or other topping, sauce, dozen eggs, bag granola and a large tub natural yoghurt. Oil.

Lunch: assume one day eating out, but 5 days anyway:

• Soup and bread
• Loaf of bread and families preferred fillings - cheese, pickle, cooked chicken, avocado, pesto, mozzarella, tomato.
• same again for another day
• Cooked chicken, lettuce, Caesar dressing, crusty stick

Lots of apples and bananas

• Pasties

Huge bar of chocolate All the Pringles in the shop

Dinner:
Pasta and sauce
Chilli, rice, sour cream, tortilla chips
Chicken/tofu and veg for skewers on the BBQ, salad
Dinner out locally / takeaway back to campsite
BBQ stuff: sausages, burgers, bread

That took me precisely 7 minutes to think and write, including an interruption.

@lockdownalli

I would be inclined to drive home and leave him there...

Yep. Go home and leave him with the children.

Leave him to sort it. Catch a train or bus and fuck off home - I would. But I have zero patience for people that don't pull their own weight and then pass judgement on me.

@Moreisnnogedag

Depends. Is there going to be a load of food wasted? Are you out in the sticks so it’s not feasible to have picked up some bits later? I’d be a bit cheesed if my husband paid for a lot of food that would now be wasted.

Well, yes. Surely you knew how big your cool box is? No?

@AtrociousCircumstance

Calling you stupid is abusive IMO.

So he sat on his lazy arse in the car, left you to do all the mental load plus physical work of it, then had nothing but scathing criticism of you?

Calling someone stupid is a vile display of assumed dominance.

He sounds like an absolute prick.

OR

They Both agreed one would stay with the kids in the car but now OP is using it to complain about

Can't see what more mental load is required than the normal weekly shop and at 1hr long doesn't sound like it took any longer than normal

Physical load - what pushing a trolley round??

And over shopping when you are CAMPING with little food storage options IS stupid 🤷‍♀️

Op’s DH did say she was stupid

The sulking would get me more than anything else. Absolutely hate sulkers! Life’s too short. Does he have form for that OP?

I wonder why you go on these holidays to be honest. Getting worse sleep, worse cleanliness, worse way of cooking food, worse job to wash up, worse way of washing clothes/huge amount of laundry to do when you get home, it's worse than being at home, but that's only my opinion, I know some people who absolutely love it.
It was probably a bit silly not to plan properly before you went what you were going to eat and what would fit in the fridge. It's just a waste of money and food to get stuff that won't fit. However, your husband should have helped with it or done it himself if he's so clever and shouldn't have called you stupid. As unpleasant as that is, it is not abusive! What a way to undermine abuse women suffer every single day. Absolutely ridiculous to suggest that. Abuse is against the law. Do you honestly think the OP should phone the police and say she is being abused by her husband and when they ask her for details she should cry and say he called her stupid? That comment is almost offensive in its absurdity.

ellisandra you must own a massive cool box!

surely only meat and wine needs to go in the cool box?

Are you in the UK? I've done a click and collect order near to our holiday location a few times in the last couple of years. Got other holiday guests to log in and add what they want too, then you just empty your car of holiday stuff and go and pick up the shopping.

Sorry its probably annoying me saying that now though...

Food packaging is still often very big. Maybe if you have sandwich bags you can take some of the food out of the plastic boxes it came in and put in bags instead to fit everything in better.

Your husband sounds mean and stressed...

Surely you just took those freeze dried sachet meals you get in the camping shop for mountaineering expeditions.
Or buy a sauscisson some cheese, pasta baguette. The campsite usually has a little shop on site you can get fresh stuff from daily.
Meal planning for camping must surely involve planning food which doesn't require chilling.
Is there a stream nearby? A lot of people pop their booze in the stream to chill.
Anyway. I don't think you're cut out for camping.

Do you and your boyfriend live together ordinarily OP?

@Mintychoc1
From my list the only things going in are:
2 packs bacon - just in foil/food bag
250g tub butter
Large natural yoghurt
I block cheddar
4 mozzarellas
4 packs cooked chicken - again, in a bag not original plastic tray
3 raw chicken breasts - bagged
Packet tofu
Packet mince / quorn - small size as personally I’d do more beans/mushroom/courgette: so you could just make that a veggie chilli and then there’s nothing in the cool box
Sour cream
6 sausages (bagged)
4 burgers (bagged)

My list was more to show that you can come up with a meal plan in a few minutes.

But actually - that would all fit into my cool box, which isn’t massive.

@Mintychoc1 this one:
www.halfords.com/motoring/travel-accessories/coolboxes/halfords-40-litre-mains-and-12v-and-24v-electric-coolbox-291077.html

Bigger than average maybe, but still easy to bring.

We just came back from camping and in the info from the campsite they asked guests to bring as many groceries as they could with them to avoid over stretching the local shops, so it's not always the case that shopping locally is the best thing to do.

Is that not specifically because of Covid? So wouldn't normally be the case.

Not sure it’s abusive but it’s lack of respect to call your partner stupid

Anyway search function says that OP has camped for 10 years and was hoping not to this year.

Which means: her husband is not unreasonable for expecting her to know how much will fit in their cool box.

She is not unreasonable if she went into this pissed off because Covid fucked with her plans for a change

There is a pandemic going on. Two adults shouldn't be shopping. Whoever is going to do the better job should do if.
If I only had a cool box as cold storage I would buy accordingly- about 3 evening meals max with milk I reckon.
I think you are creating a drama and BU.

Spats like this are rarely the result of just that incident.
In a happy relationship, you’d laugh a pit having to invite your tent-neighbours for tea, and every camping shopping trip thereafter rob the shopper by handing them extra bags to take in, family joke.

I’m certain this is not a one off incident.

*rib not rob!

Did you not think about the size of your cool box as you were shopping? Surely you would have realised that a large trolley load of food wouldn’t have fitted into it?

Can't vote unless we know whether it actually didn't fit in the cool box.

Cooking??? On holiday??
Fuck that.

I take cereals and milk for breakfasts and bread, crackers, butter and jam/Marmite kind of things for either lunch or tea time and we have our main meal out. Every day.

I cook every other day of the year, it's my holiday too.

Learnt that the hard way...