Husband trying to rehome cat behind my back

[Jj2431]

we have a rescue cat. She is 8. Since being pregnant she doesn't want to interact and her behaviour has deteriorated. She does things she never used to, she goes on counter now, if we take her off she wees on it later, she wees in her bed etc and is generally stressed. Whenever she goes out she doesn't come back and the neighbours have now resorted to trapping her as she is bullying the neighbourhood cats out of their homes. We have now decided to keep her in. I know the situation isn't great but I want to keep working at it and hope it improves when baby is born,however, husband has been getting more and more fed up with it all and has no contacted the rescue behind my back to tell them the situation and basically say he wants to return her. He told me after he did it. I feel so betrayed. He isn't even sorry. He said something had to be done as we are all miserable and it's more stress on top of a baby being due in a week. Not sure how I can forgive him for this to be honest. They'll probably take my cat now anyway thanks to him. He thinks AIBU. Am i?

The cat obviously loves you. Sending a message to the effect of "getting rid" is really inhumane. I guess he has not bonded with her? Either way it is cruel. If the cat is stressed, which it clearly is and could be to do with your husband anyway (perhaps just a sense), I would rehome with the intention of her having a safe place to live. It will be painful but if you know she is going to a good home, she will be ok with people around her who are not threatening her security. It sounds like your husband and her are incompatible - through no fault of the cat.

Btw I have never "given back" any of my pets, my cats are with me until the very end, but then I have not been in your situation and I do know that they need loving homes. That's the only reason I suggest rehoming.

Our cat started peeing everywhere when he had crystals in his urine, he'd wail and cry on the littler tray and then try and pee on anything soft.

I do think you need to speak to the vets about it specifically.

None of our cats have ever reacted negatively to any pregnancies or babies/children, on of our boys did give me a withering stare when we bought our newborn home from hospital and she proceeded to scream the house down. He then stalked off to a quiet area of the house to sleep in.

Your cat needs to see the vet. If her behaviour is out of charactor and she is stressed, irritable and fighting, she may be unwell. At her age, she is classed as a senior cat, so there might be an underlying condition that may need investigating. Behavioural issues are often a symptom of an underlying issue which may well be fixable.

@fascinated Pets are animals. Humans are more important. what a disgusting thing to say. Hope you don't have kids to teach this abhorrent behaviour to. Really sad.

ZooKeeper19 So humans are NOT more important than animals? Would you hit a car full of people in order to avoid hitting a squirrel? If you had to save your child or your pet would you save your pet and leave your child to die?

Animals are beautiful and amazing in so many ways and they deserve kindness and respect. However, you cannot possibly believe animals are more important than human beings.

maybe he's been nasty towards the cat or she's picking up on his hate and it's distressing her?

FELIWAY. Get some. Plug in in kitchen/sittingroom/bedroom. Get some Feliway spray too.

@ZooKeeper19

Like I said. Bonkers.

Honestly! I suggested rehousing, not chucking it into the river in a bag with some stones .... talk about overreacting.

I would email the rescue and explain that your H has got carried away, that you do not want to re-home the cat, that she is a little stressed but you are looking at options to address this and that re-homing her would be an absolute last resort only if everything else didn't work.

It at least gets your version in writing to them so that they know you are dealing with the situation.

People also use the phrase rehoming - but he’s not talking about rehoming the cat. He is surrendering it and hoping the animal shelter can rehome the cat.

The cat could spent Months or even years in the shelter.

People can be so heartless about their pets.

@fascinated

You’re being ridiculous. Pets are animals. Humans are more important. And anyway, the cat seems unhappy.

I mean if I had to choose I’d save a human life over an animal one.

But, a human that decided to unilaterally kick out an animal that was part of my family without consulting me and trying everything possible to help I would find hard to forgive! I don’t see how the two are hard to reconcile here. Humans are more accountable for their actions.

Could your dh have misgivings about cats and babies? Some people think cats steal babies' breath, or will sit on their faces - all sorts of things. It could just be a visceral reaction and dh needs to talk about it rationally.

My MIL was awful for that sort of nonsense when dd was born. She expected us to get rid of our cats (between us dh and I had 3 elderly Wonders, all of whom we had got before we met) and spent the whole time warning us about the harm they would do to dd. In fact they were lovely with her, protected her, were worried about her when she cried and fussed and purred at her and helped to calm her. They were great. Not a breath stolen or a face sat on!

What very stupid advice from fascinated. Without even trying to check the cat’s health, just rehome it and then, having done that, blithely get another pet in a year or so? Absolutely moronic.

The cat needs to be checked by a vet.

I love it! I’m a moron, disgusting... what next from the rabid animal worshippers who would sacrifice a marriage and a cat’s happiness to indulge their own sentimental imaginings ! Newsflash — cats just want fed and to be left in peace. They don’t care who provides this.

@fascinated

I love it! I’m a moron, disgusting... what next from the rabid animal worshippers who would sacrifice a marriage and a cat’s happiness to indulge their own sentimental imaginings ! Newsflash — cats just want fed and to be left in peace. They don’t care who provides this.

We tried taking my cat to a cattery.

She refused to eat or use the litter tray until we picked her up.

She has a cat sitter when we are away who she likes who feeds her and plays with her, when we come back she tends to not move from my lap for the whole evening when she isn’t usually a lap cat.

Just because it’s convenient for you to believe that animals don’t bond with their humans doesn’t make it true.

cats just want fed and to be left in peace. They don’t care who provides this - you clearly know nothing whatsoever about cats

I thought you meant the cat was pregnant!
He was wrong to go behind your back, but the cat must be very stressed out to be behaving in this way.
Have you gone off her in pregnancy, or been less affectionate towards her?

My childhood cat behaved in a similar way, when my mother was pregnant with twins. It does happen.

Newsflash — cats just want fed and to be left in peace. They don’t care who provides this.

Says someone who has no clue whatsoever about cats.

The cat is distressed. I think it would rather be somewhere non stressful.

OP I would take your cat to the vet, get her checked for urine infections and anything physical which could be causing this. Also ask for advice on helping her de-stress.

Feliway plug ins and room spray worked wonders on our very nervous little rescue cat when we got her almost 2 years ago, aged 18 months. She used to sit right next to the plug in! All we know of her history is that she was found abandoned with newborn kittens. No microchip. Cats Protection picked them all up and we adopted her once the kittens had all been rehomed.

Try some different toys. Ours is really playful, but my childhood cat wasn't very. However childhood cat reacted well to catnip toys.

I would also give your cat a safe space to run to when she wants - ours has an igloo bes, but also likes to go under our bed. In those locations we never bother or touch her so she knows it's a safe place. As you have 2 kids and a 3rd on the way perhaps a higher up perch would be best - away from little hands.

Has the cat had full bloods done and a urine test?

If not book into the vet and get them done. You’re both ignoring her health, yes its a shit time as you’re pregnant, but the cats welfare can’t be put on the back burner.

Alongside a plug in like feliway you can also try zyklene, I use it on my cat when there is going to be a change which may upset her, you just sprinkle it on their dinner so no trying to give them a tablet while having your eyes scratched out.

The problems are how long her being inside can go on for , especially if there's a baby in the house- if she's bullying neighbours cats etc outside and inside acting so erratic, and the vet cant find anything wrong then it is better for everyone including her to go to the shelter. It was awful that your dh went behind your back but I can understand how stressed he must be given in a while you're going to not be at 100% and there'll be a baby in the house

It baffles me how when a dog is ill owners take it straight to vet, when a cat is ill it seems to be a wait and see consult a crystal ball thing. Are cats lives less valuable?