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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what things you consider to be of “good taste”

186 replies

Dylaninthemovies1 · 04/08/2020 22:41

Well... I was going to say “classy” but I don’t think that’s a particularly classy word!

Following on from the “tacky/common” thread. What sort of things would you say are “good taste” “middle class” etc

I’ll start... appletiser

OP posts:
lampshadery · 05/08/2020 10:20

I don't think being interested in class and having a discussion about what it means to different people means that it is 'hugely important' to them. Why does having an interest in something mean (on Mumsnet!) that that interest is somehow 'too much' or reflective of their character somehow? Why can't we share observations without judgment? After all, as much as some may hate to admit it - certain things are generally indicative of class. That's where stereotypes come from.

ghostyslovesheets · 05/08/2020 10:25

kindness
manners
consideration
talking calmly and at a normal volume
ironed clothes and neat hair
books

equuscaballus · 05/08/2020 10:30

I've been accused of being posh and been described as classy (i'm neither)

It seems to stem from the fact that I don't swear - its unusual for my age group and people soon pick up on it.

Bluesheep8 · 05/08/2020 10:44

Why do people associate having good taste with social class though?
I think I have good taste, I have good manners. Neither are anything to do with my social class.

BertieBotts · 05/08/2020 10:45

OP sounds like you need to read "Watching the English" by Kate Fox!

BertieBotts · 05/08/2020 10:47

Shloer used to be nice before they filled it with sweeteners.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 05/08/2020 10:50

I don't feel like I belong anywhere

I feel a little like this. I grew up in foster care til being adopted at 10, so a WC childhood then morphed into a solidly MC childhood with a holiday home in the South of France and my own pony. Very odd - it meant that I went to a private school and to University, but felt like an impostor.

DH is solidly MC and comes from 'old' money. The kind of old money that is inherently classy to a ruffian like me. It's all about perspective - DH grew up believing that everyone had the same life as him (because all the people they socialised with did) and I grew up thinking I didn't quite fit anywhere. I think he's classy because he has so many ingrained behaviours and never behaves inappropriately, never talks about money, is kind without any kind of expectation, never shows off and never lets himself down.

I also think it's very easy to be classy when you come from privilege. It gives an air of easy confidence to DH for sure.

VincaMinor · 05/08/2020 10:57

I agree that if you look through the op's posts it looks like she is trying to market Appletiser

Blueeyedpixie · 05/08/2020 11:02

I’m also fascinated by social class.

Because it’s a huge factor to me having a breakdown recently. I want to become more tolerant, more relaxed, less snobby, less particular.

My paternal family were upper class. I saw them at weekends. They taught me to ditch my regional accent and the like. They put so much pressure on me to become something I’m not. And now aged mid 30’s I’m just a cantankerous snob Sad

My maternal family are poor and we lived in a poor town. But they were happy. And I want to be happy like my mum and my brother. They are humble and down to earth. Non judgemental and full of love for everyone.

Nice thread op. Hopefully it’ll help me find a balance Smile

I had Appletiser the other day that had lost its fizz. Was absolutely disgusting! Grin

MotheringShites · 05/08/2020 11:08

@TheWayOfTheWorld I’m sure you fit in just fine, as long as you are being yourself. I’m similar to you (but far less impressive) and went through a phase of trying to emulate the “classier” people I know. I was conscious of my accent etc. I realised that there’s no denying your background and people can see through a fake. So embrace your way of being uniquely you and people can take it or leave it.

Dylaninthemovies1 · 05/08/2020 13:06

@StCharlotte. I won’t hear a word against the good people in the Bahrain Ambassador’s office.

OP posts:
RedNun · 05/08/2020 13:19

I think he's classy because he has so many ingrained behaviours and never behaves inappropriately, never talks about money, is kind without any kind of expectation, never shows off and never lets himself down.

But surely many of those 'ingrained behaviours' in themselves don't necessarily have any positive value except as social class markers? I mean, there's nothing inherently wrong with, say, eating in the street or talking about money, any more than there is with saying 'pardon?' rather than 'what?' or lounge rather than sitting room?

And it's easy not to be a 'show off' if you're secure in your privileged place in the world, or to discuss money if you've always had it, whereas someone who has had to struggle for everything they have could be pardoned for drawing attention to it in case it's taken away again, or being preoccupied with earnings and the cost of things.

Obviously, it's probably generally more pleasant to be around the former than the latter, because they're not implicitly demanding any form of acknowledgement from you, but that's only because circumstances mean they don't need it.

What do you mean by 'never lets himself down'?

Thisismytimetoshine · 05/08/2020 13:24

God almighty, never letting yourself down is not a fucking class marker! Some people have such low expectations of themselves and others...

ShebaShimmyShake · 05/08/2020 14:15

@lampshadery

I don't think being interested in class and having a discussion about what it means to different people means that it is 'hugely important' to them. Why does having an interest in something mean (on Mumsnet!) that that interest is somehow 'too much' or reflective of their character somehow? Why can't we share observations without judgment? After all, as much as some may hate to admit it - certain things are generally indicative of class. That's where stereotypes come from.
I'm not talking about the existence of the discussion (although that definitely proves investment on some level) as much as the actual nature of the discussion itself. It's clear from the posts, more in the other thread than this one so far but both to an extent, that this is a mahooosive issue for many people on here. You think there was no judgement on the old thread?

But MN has a large percentage (couldn't say whether it's a majority, but it's definitely significant) of posters who are middle class but not as much as they want to be. It's to be expected.

LittleGwyneth · 05/08/2020 14:37
  • Writing a thank you letter after someone has you to supper.
  • Norfolk or Cornwall for summer holidays
  • Not talking about money
  • Lots of books in the house
  • Buying decent wine from Majestic or Oddbins but not making a fuss about it being fancy
  • Eating later in the evening
  • Not caring what people think of your habits
  • Having a home which is the antithesis of Mrs Hinch's
HowDeepIsYourLove · 05/08/2020 14:54

Elderflower cordial/presse.

RedNun · 05/08/2020 15:00

But MN has a large percentage (couldn't say whether it's a majority, but it's definitely significant) of posters who are middle class but not as much as they want to be

I think that's largely true, @ShebaShimmyShake. I would say that the general ethos of MN (in terms of the kinds of norms you see presented as normal on here) is lower-middle-class.

tinkywinkyshandbag · 05/08/2020 15:15

I grew up in a working class household but we drank Applestise. It was considered a bit posh, along with Schloer.

tinkywinkyshandbag · 05/08/2020 15:18

Around my neck of the woods I'd say anything too new/flash/branded would be considered poor taste. The truly wealthy/upper middle class lot drive battered old cars, have large but shabby houses, old but expensive clothes, they shop at Aldi, and while the women might have discreet blonde highlights but never lots of make up/showy jewellery etc, it's all very understated.

tsmainsqueeze · 05/08/2020 18:28

We have a big tv but loads of books !
Few people saying flowers , i think these can be bad taste ie cheap clashing colours missmatched supermarket generic type compared to ie beautiful roses in an old vase -tasteful to me.
Cheese mad me laugh !
Class and taste fascinate me too .

CottonEyeJo · 05/08/2020 20:28

I blame you all for this

To ask what things you consider to be of “good taste”
Frokni · 06/08/2020 20:19

@Bettyboop82 has got it.
If you have manners, are courteous and polite you are of "good taste".

LakieLady · 06/08/2020 20:29

Original paintings and drawings, or limited edition prints.

Clothes and accessories that don't have a visible brand name or logo.

Natural looking hair/make up.

LakieLady · 06/08/2020 20:42

*I've been accused of being posh and been described as classy (i'm neither)

It seems to stem from the fact that I don't swear - its unusual for my age group and people soon pick up on it*

I think posh people are quite sweary. The first time I heard someone say "fuck" in the workplace, the swearer was a marquess. And my friend's MIL was an Honourable, although she gave up using the title when she married a commoner, and she was famously foul-mouthed. They had an elderly labrador which she always referred to as "fucking fart-arse" because of his remarkable flatulence. Grin

Shizzlestix · 06/08/2020 21:34

Appletise? Extraordinary!

Also, black labs, while adorable like all dogs (in my opinion as a doggo lover), are among the most frankly boring of breeds.

You cannot dismiss an entire breed as boring. I have 2 of the same breed, both of whom are totally different characters.

Linen
Manners
Never discussing money, politics or religion.

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