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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dad only wants contact with one child

47 replies

Divorcedmum · 04/08/2020 21:43

Hi,

Name change which I hope works and posting for traffic.

Dad has been having the two children one evening, where dads stepmum picks them up and takes them out and then one weekend day. For the last 3 months it's been overnight. So evening before at 8pm then drops them off the next day at 8pm.

He and eldest son haven't been getting on, DS1 (11) has called to be picked up a few times. Always say you need to ask dad. Dad confirms d'Iéna want him there. On one occasion dad has said he won't have the youngest (8) as he is naughty and won't get off his device.

Dad has told both DS's they are overweight and fat. They aren't. Last weekend they were picked up as dad said get on the scales so I can show you.

The children's dad messaged tonight saying he will have the older child in future not the younger.

I can't tell one DS tomorrow that dad will see him not the other.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Feralkidsatthecampsite · 04/08/2020 21:46

He sounds abusive. Keep the dc home for now - they may open up more about the treatment they have been receiving from df...
It sounds like they need a break at least.
Do not imo split them up for exh's benefit.

Original poster
Divorcedmum · 04/08/2020 21:47

*sorry confirms he doesn't want him there and to pick him up!

Last weekend little ds didn't want to stay either. Both were dropped off at 11am not having brushed their teeth, hair etc. They have to get up at 7am. Apparently they had been arguing since then.

I think the elder one can choose but an 8 year old can't. Will post in legal as well.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 04/08/2020 21:48

Both stay home

VeniceQueen2004 · 04/08/2020 21:48

Well he sounds like all kinds of a shitty father. He gets neither.

imissthesouth · 04/08/2020 21:49

Children's dad sounds awful, you never tell a child they're overweight for a start, true or not! Definitely don't split the kids up, if he can't be bothered to deal with bad behaviour then he shouldn't be a dad in the first place. He sounds vile and abusive!

imissthesouth · 04/08/2020 21:50

Is going through the courts an option to get full custody of your children? It'll be a long process but it sounds like the kids are better off with only you in their life

Chickychoccyegg · 04/08/2020 21:51

wth, thats awful , he sounds like a terrible dad, I'd keep both kids at home for now

Snorlax86 · 04/08/2020 21:57

How damaging would it be for your youngest to be left out, if he decided he wanted to spend quality time with each other individually that could be acceptable but choosing not to see one is out of order.

Chloemol · 04/08/2020 21:59

So you keep them both at home, and he can go to court and explain there why he only wants contact with one child, which I don’t believe they would stand for

Horrible man, you can’t expose your kids to this

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 04/08/2020 22:00

At 7 my ds didn't have to see his df via the court route.

AnotherEmma · 04/08/2020 22:03

Do you have a court order or any formal agreement in place? Or are the contact arrangements just informally agreed between you?

If I were you I'd seek advice from NSPCC about his behaviour towards them as he sounds abusive and you need to protect them.

imissthesouth · 04/08/2020 22:04

Second the NSPCC for advice. This is a potential safeguarding issue

Pobblebonk · 04/08/2020 22:19

Keep a detailed record of all of this, including copies of texts and messages. You might need to produce it if you need to go to court to sort all this out.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/08/2020 22:19

Keep them at home, I would bet you a months mortgage money that this piece of shit wont bother himself going to court. He will shout and threaten but when it comes to it, he wont do a thing,

In the meantime contact NSPCC as suggest above, they will help you figure out what has been going on.

howfarwevecome · 04/08/2020 22:22

Keep them both home and get legal advice.

Ideasplease322 · 04/08/2020 22:24

Sorry I’d this your dad of the boys dad? And whose step mum is collecting the boys?

I got very confused😂

Ideasplease322 · 04/08/2020 22:25

Is this your dad or the boys dad that should read

Louise91417 · 04/08/2020 22:32

Surely this is child neglect/ unfit parenting. I personally wouldnt be sending either child. Imaginr being 11 and your parent not wanting to see you but wanting to see your sibling..devastating..

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 04/08/2020 22:33

I hope it was all in texts so he can't backtrack and say he didn't say any such thing.
I'd keep them both home too. Sounds like the eldest doesn't like going and he isn't interested in the younger one. So your Ex looses out on both. What an arse.

Serendipity79 · 04/08/2020 22:33

This could be incredibly damaging to both of them emotionally for different reasons if you allow him to see one child and ignore the other. If you don't have a court order in place I would take legal advice and keep them both home for now.

I'm disgusted enough with parents that walk away from their kids, but to remain in the life of one while ignoring the other is horrific behaviour.

Tistheseason17 · 04/08/2020 22:35

I would keep both with you. Weighing them in front of others is not normal. My DM did me huge amounts of emotional damage over weight. Choosing which child you're wanting to parent is also not normal. What a prize pig of a Dad he is.

Louise91417 · 04/08/2020 22:35

Sorry..didnt read op correctly but regardless of which of your dc he doesnt want to see this is all kinds of wrong..what a dickAngry

xmummy2princesx · 04/08/2020 22:36

Stop them seeing him

BigMumJill · 04/08/2020 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jessstan2 · 04/08/2020 22:38

I'd keep them both at home, he can visit maybe and take them out but no pressure on them to stay the night. I can't understand why they have to get up at 7am. It's the holidays after all. Doesn't their dad like a lie in?

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