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Original poster

Dad only wants contact with one child

47 replies

Divorcedmum · 04/08/2020 21:43

Hi,

Name change which I hope works and posting for traffic.

Dad has been having the two children one evening, where dads stepmum picks them up and takes them out and then one weekend day. For the last 3 months it's been overnight. So evening before at 8pm then drops them off the next day at 8pm.

He and eldest son haven't been getting on, DS1 (11) has called to be picked up a few times. Always say you need to ask dad. Dad confirms d'Iéna want him there. On one occasion dad has said he won't have the youngest (8) as he is naughty and won't get off his device.

Dad has told both DS's they are overweight and fat. They aren't. Last weekend they were picked up as dad said get on the scales so I can show you.

The children's dad messaged tonight saying he will have the older child in future not the younger.

I can't tell one DS tomorrow that dad will see him not the other.

What do I do?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 04/08/2020 22:39

You simply can't allow this man to damage your kids like this. He can't see either if he thinks he can choose.

Definitely don't send either OP. Let him go to court. He probably won't bother by the sound of him and your boys will be better off.

Tell the boys he's too upsetting for them and he's also busy.

lyralalala · 04/08/2020 22:43

I wouldn't be sending either. Keep everything you have from him in texts. Also write down as much as you can remember dates and time when they've been sent home early or whatever.

Then let him go to court. He sounds abusive.

Original poster
Divorcedmum · 04/08/2020 22:44

@Ideasplease322

Sorry I’d this your dad of the boys dad? And whose step mum is collecting the boys?

I got very confused😂

It's the dads step mum. She has contact with the boys one night a week. It was dads time but he gave it to her.

He doesn't see the kids then but also don't want to get into a grandparent battle over contact if it's a regular thing.

OP posts:
Onekidnoclue · 04/08/2020 22:46

Please keep your children with you where you are confident they will be loved. X

Ideasplease322 · 04/08/2020 22:48

Ah okay so this isn’t your dad but the boys dad. And their step grandmother.

Your ex is an arse. Your boys deserve better. Don’t allow him to pick favourites and play them off against each other.

Original poster
Divorcedmum · 04/08/2020 22:48

@jessstan2

I'd keep them both at home, he can visit maybe and take them out but no pressure on them to stay the night. I can't understand why they have to get up at 7am. It's the holidays after all. Doesn't their dad like a lie in?
What he has said it's it's his house his rules and he is allowed to be strict. He has said he won't apologise for that just because I 'spoil them'. I really don't, they do jobs, earn pocket money and then get treats for them.

I've read about Disney dads, that's not great. But if you have them for 24 hours then surely you can just have fun and do nice stuff?!

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 04/08/2020 22:49

I would keep the both home sounds abusive

Original poster
Divorcedmum · 04/08/2020 22:51

I can withhold contact but if he does go to court as far as I can tell he will get contact with them.

In that case the boys choices are taken away. I don't want that either. A court order means they have to go all the time no matter what. Unless we go back to court to change it.

I don't want to put them through that.

OP posts:
Aveisenim · 04/08/2020 23:03

Love isn't conditional, he's either a father to both or neither. He doesn't get to pick and choose.

Aveisenim · 04/08/2020 23:04

He's putting them through far worse if it doesn't go to court unfortunately OP.

IdblowJonSnow · 04/08/2020 23:24

I agree - keep them both at home and get advice.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 04/08/2020 23:30

What’s your relationship like with the Stepmum? Maybe just cut him out of picture and she can come to you once or twice a month, then wean it down further? Say kids don’t want to visit him b3cause of the body shaming😡.
He’s a shitty dad though .

Dullardmullard · 04/08/2020 23:48

So you haven’t taken it to court

Do not separate the kids regardless.

Send one text saying it’s both they are yours too.
If not don’t bother coming round.
If he threatens at all tell him again it’s both or none.
Courts will take a dim view of this. If he goes that route.

If he turns up he might be aggressive phone the police
Again don’t allow him to take one of the children.

HotPenguin · 04/08/2020 23:53

It's not really parenting if he sends them back to you when they are naughty. From what I've read on here courts take a dim view of this kind of thing. He's punishing one child by refusing to see them. That's really cruel.

KorkMum · 04/08/2020 23:58

Dont send either the dad sounds abusive.

Splitsunrise · 04/08/2020 23:59

You cannot separate them

Devlesko · 05/08/2020 00:14

He's nothing to you now, and has no hold.
Send neither, lock your doors and be prepared to call Police and for your children's sake go through the courts. He sounds abusive and not fit to parent your children. I'd be informing ss about what he says to them, tbh.

Lilymossflower · 05/08/2020 00:18

Yep keep them both home

If step grandmother wants to see them then arrange an afternoon for some point in the future

No overnights

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 05/08/2020 08:26

If he does take it to court, the 11 year old is old enough to tell them he doesn't want to go and why. I've heard that some judges will have a chat outside the court room to save the child being intimidated. He could write the judge a letter if it comes to that, tell him what goes on.

Alexandernevermind · 05/08/2020 08:39

This is really sad. Suggest he takes them out for a couple of hours instead. He doesn't sound bothered enough to fight through the courts for overnight stays.

Twisique · 05/08/2020 09:01

Get as much in writing as you can

slipperywhensparticus · 06/08/2020 00:08

My 7 year old rarely sees his dad he just doesn't like him the social worker said dont force it and if my 11 year old decides he doesn't want to see him either then that's up to him

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