Concerned about friends sons behaviour

[Mecredi65]

My close friends son 4yrs is very bossy and rude. She was so happy last week when she told me how well he is doing at school and that she just doesn’t know where he gets all his confidence from, in his school report his teacher had said she has to constantly remind him that he is not the teacher and that he is very bossy with his friends and always has to be in charge in the game/during play. I wanted to say that it’s not confidence, Its actually quite arrogant. She finds his behaviour at home very hard he is very overpowering he will regularly hit her and say shut up but she seems to think this is how kids behave. Over the last few years other friends have said to her about his behaviour and it’s fallen on deaf ears and she thought it was funny when her in-laws suggested she shouldn’t have another one as she couldn’t manage son very well. What should I do?

Mind your business. Your strict style of parenting might backfire when your children are teenagers and your friends son might chill out. . Would you be happy if she then started giving you parenting advice?

But that’s not what I said is it @Iwalkinmyclothing?

I said ‘this is a very close minded and judgemental way of thinking’ not ‘you have a close minded and judgemental way of thinking’ I do believe there is a distinct difference and I did choose to write the former as of course I have no knowledge of you or your thought processes personally and nor would I feel comfortable making assumptions on that.

I did however think it was important enough to point out, and clearly based on what you’ve said you grasp my premise and can employ it when necessary so maybe you should do so for the OP?

From reading the thread myself I don’t see the need for additional training, she’s simply asking for people’s opinions on a matter unrelated to her job. And whilst I can appreciate and understand others may feel differently to me I do think there’s a way of entering into a respectful discussion with someone regarding this.

He shouldn’t hit her, that’s rotten behaviour and it needs to stop. Maybe gently tell her that it’s not right, but that’s hard to do without her taking it as criticism. (I feel a lot of posters here think you are criticising their parenting just because they have unruly kids too.... so defensive on here at times ) It’s good that you can see this objectively as his mum is probably a bit blind to it.

I don’t think it’s possible or reasonable to assess someone’s capabilities and competency regarding their profession on a few lines of text. This is a very close minded and judgemental way of thinking.

I think it's fair enough to question someone's competencecy as a SENCO when they declare they "don't think a child has SEN" with zero evidence and they blithely state they wouldn't allow "their child to hit and be violent." You would think, or at least hope a SENCO would realise sometimes it's not that simple.

From reading the thread myself I don’t see the need for additional training, she’s simply asking for people’s opinions on a matter unrelated to her job.

Given that the OP has somehow decided she's qualified to judge whether a child has special needs or not I'd disagree. And it's not a matter unrelated to her job when she's the one who brought her job up, in an attempt to demonstrate that she thinks she has the relevant knowledge to decide if a child has any special needs.

@Bbang

But that’s not what I said is it *@Iwalkinmyclothing*?

I said ‘this is a very close minded and judgemental way of thinking’ not ‘you have a close minded and judgemental way of thinking’ I do believe there is a distinct difference and I did choose to write the former as of course I have no knowledge of you or your thought processes personally and nor would I feel comfortable making assumptions on that.

I did however think it was important enough to point out, and clearly based on what you’ve said you grasp my premise and can employ it when necessary so maybe you should do so for the OP?

From reading the thread myself I don’t see the need for additional training, she’s simply asking for people’s opinions on a matter unrelated to her job. And whilst I can appreciate and understand others may feel differently to me I do think there’s a way of entering into a respectful discussion with someone regarding this.

But that’s not what I said is it @Iwalkinmyclothing?

I said ‘this is a very close minded and judgemental way of thinking’ not ‘you have a close minded and judgemental way of thinking'

Yes, it is what you said . You quoted my post. You said "this is a very close minded and judgemental way of thinking". Unless you are under the impression I don't do my own thinking and had relied entirely on someone else's in making the statements I did, you were, very clearly, commenting on my way of thinking.

I did however think it was important enough to point out, and clearly based on what you’ve said you grasp my premise and can employ it when necessary so maybe you should do so for the OP?

I'm sure you feel this is a profound statement but I'm afraid I haven't a clue what you're on about. Let's leave this here, it's tedious and odd.

It is mainly genetics, personality and a big heap of luck. Very little to do with parenting.

Yep!

I have 3, dc is literally an angel. Hardly needs any discipline, is cautious & super easy etc. Dc2 incredibly forceful, strong willed, daredevil. Their childminder & teachers have always been so shocked how different they are. DC3 is more of a mix. I'm one of 4, all very different & my dad is one of 7, again very different.

So if I'd stopped after my first Id be the smuggest & most relaxed parent ever since he slept through early, moved seamlessly to bottle, potty trained himself & learnt to read pretty much by himself. Eats everything even when he doesn't like it, etc etc. Dc2 taught me parenting was hard! 😆🤣

I’ve had 3 children my first and second are girls and have no problems with them at school very well behaved brilliant reports etc. My 4 year old son I swear was sent to stop me having anymore he is the total opposite he’s very strong willed, wild and knows his own mind. I’ve been told a few times he is articulate and intelligent but he wears me out daily. Have I done anything differently? No! They all just have different personalities but must admit I do some times feel jealous of those who have 4 year old boys who are placid as mine is the total opposite still love the little bugger though!

He sounds very rude and she’s letting him get away with it but she has to realise for herself. If you say anything she will not thank you for it. When other children stop wanting to be his friend she may take it more seriously

@Iwalkinmyclothing

Yes this is a very tedious and ridiculous conversation you are forcing me into.

You don’t appear to be making any sense either, and I’m not sure why you’re still deciding for me what I meant when I’ve clearly articulated myself above and then further explained myself. I know I what I meant I what I didn’t and I’ve explained as such above, nothing I can do if you want to ignore facts.

I don’t think anything is ‘profound’ other than you’re need to be unpleasant and childish and every available opportunity, I was merely explaining my point to you as you didn’t appear to understand. I see now that was futile and you do understand but are preferring to re-write the narrative you have decided for me. How very bizarre and unsurprisingly judgemental.

Bit shocked at all the comments justifying this behaviour “because he is 4 years old”. So at what age is violence and rudeness suddenly not ok?
At 4 years old he needs to learn boundaries, it is down to his parents OP sadly nothing you can do.