To ask how you would reply to this couple?

[Rainbowb]

If this is true, a couple have sent out wedding invites asking all potential guests to submit two 250-word 'essays' to two questions. The gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. People who don’t write essays at all will be automatically disqualified. So how would you reply if you could do it in much less than 250 words?

Are you having a Tin Bath?

@AdoptAdaptImprove

I could do it in two.

Ha ha ha....exactly what I thought, cheeky bloody sods!

Might be good fun to write an essay about the lovely relationship and how perfect the the happy couple are for each other - but use the name of the groom's previous girlfriend throughout rather than that of the bride .. but then I'm evil sometimes.

I’d send a ‘Regrets’ card. And forget to sign it.

Keep it simple, "no thanks" always seems to work for me when someone is being so self important.

I would write 250 words...pointing out that I don't want people like that as friends or relatives.

As much as I'm partial to a bit of creative writing, I only really do it when I'm bored, and on this occasion I've got other things to occupy my time. So no.

Surely it’s their ide of a joke?

I would write the words fuck and off 125 times each.

My essay would include words like F right off you mental controlling bastards, you get my jist

idea: ahem perhaps we could do 2 lines each!
Why are you asking for this kind of essay from your dear friend

• it seems a bit of a strange way to decide who should come. While I like writing essays I think this suggests you are a bum You expect your friends to compete & don't care how you offend But expect them to twist words & themselves & bend To your desires & to mark a new trend But I fear you don't get it & don't understand friends wont flock to your wedding at your command Instead you will loose them away they will go Not to your wedding - because they won't show

Is this a reverse?

(I write dreadful poetry so I think my answer would be totally cringeworthy suitable!)

She’s saved herself thousands, surely no one would entertain this type of bridezilla BS

It's one way to have a very cheap wedding do! No one is going to bother!

Them: What does our wedding mean to you?
Me: A waste of a rare babysitting opportunity

Hey you haiku:

Come to your wedding?
I'd rather gargle cats' piss
Laced with cyanide

Fucks sake, I wouldn't even grace that nonsense with an answer even if it was my own family.

Seriously?? I'd reply in two words too - fuck off!

Could HRHs please indicate if we are dreamed good enough to get an invite.
If we are please let us know ASAP if not no reply is necessary.

PS
Hope the corgis are well

I'm sure I put deamed

Dear bride and groom
Thank you so much for inviting to your wedding and for this second invite, with all this coronavirus madness I would have happily accepted that you want to be wed in the company of your closest family and friends. The nightshift cleaner on the second friday of every month that always polishes your desk just right is what I would call an acquaintance, not a friend, but if its an essay you need then an essay you will get. So my enthusiasm for your magical day, i have heard the beaches are stunning at that time of ther year and its not too humid. The food is to die for and you paid for flights so its a free holiday, bloody marvelous i say, really looking forward to my 7 day extended trip, only disrupted by the hour watching the ceremony. On the offchance that you feel my enthusiasm for the free holiday trumps my enthusiasm for your wedding, well you might be right, so don’t worry I have spoken to the airline and managed to get my seat upgraded to business class for a small fee, soooo cant wait.... see you on the plane sucker!

I've a migraine that day, sorry 🤭

I’m busy that day

Oh my dears, It's your wedding day!
You've asked my opinion and what I would say,
I thought long and hard, and although others might scoff,

I've written my thoughts,
It's simple, Fuck Off.

Two and fifty words to give my disdain,
I can do it my dears, again and again.
Fuck off, fuck off and fuck of some more,
Just copy and paste until I complete your score.

Enjoy your day, the church may be empty,
But the fucks in the post will be ever plenty.