To ask how you would reply to this couple?

[Rainbowb]

If this is true, a couple have sent out wedding invites asking all potential guests to submit two 250-word 'essays' to two questions. The gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. People who don’t write essays at all will be automatically disqualified. So how would you reply if you could do it in much less than 250 words?

Good grief! I think a suitable quote from Lear at this point? Not Edward Lear, King Lear . Though, probably Edward Lear’s nonsense verse would be equally apt. The moral being, don’t ask people to quantify their love for you; it rarely ends well!

How completely self absorbed of them if this is true!

Are they specifying the language in which the essay must be written?

I'd be very very tempted to write in the most obscure language I could think of (possibly with the help of Google translate...). And run it to around 1500 words, just to give them even more of a headache trying to work out what I'd said.

(And every other sentence would contain a variety of 'fuck you' in the language of my choice).

This is definitely going in the Daily Mail, and someone has used 'vanishingly small', my most loathed Mumsnet phrase too!

Mine would be:

Dear bride and groom, enjoy your wedding day. I'll see you when you've got over yourselves. Love Salty.

That's even worse than the AITA I saw mentioned on Twitter the other day which claimed to be from the groom of an equally self-obsessed pair, who'd decided to impose a white tie dress code on all guests, including requiring all women guests to wear high heels and floor length gowns, no guests to have visible tattoos or unnatural hair colourings and so on. Fairly obviously made up, I'd say, but it made me laugh.

"What will our wedding mean to you?"
I wouldn't go based on that pathetic question.

I’d do it.

I’d make sure that the beginning letter on each line spelt out ‘I can’t believe what utter fuckwits you are’

Yes Gods. It'll be CVs next!

Blimey, I wouldn't attend that wedding even if I was the Vicar.

Thanks for the invite, I love a free buffet

It's a destination wedding as well?!

I suspect the couple want written proof of their fabulous relationship and love to look back on (look what people think of us) so I would write the 250 word essay in the most gushing terms of admiration and endearment about someone else's relationship and use the wrong names too Just think of the false details you could put in there ....

Are they paying for the guests to go on the vacation wedding and don't want to pay for freeloaders so want to make sure they I clude people who are genuinely interested in their marriage?

Tbh I think I'd have fun writing something like that, but I've always enjoyed writing school essays haha.

Assuming it was a normal common or garden wedding then I guess they’d only get a letter from Auntie Mavis who is 85 and writes thank you letters to thank you letters. Everyone else would be too busy.

If it was my dearest and best friend then I’d text ‘because you’re my best friend”. If it was my brother or sister “because I’ll tell mum if you don’t invite me’ haha

"what will our wedding mean to you?"

I'd reply with "what would my attendance mean to you? How much do you want the £1k gift I've ordered but am able to get a refund on should I not make the cut?" Obviously there will be no £1k gift, just a cheap photo frame from Argos.

Wow. I would save the postage and ignore, and make sure I am busy that day so when they realise it's backfired and no- one has replied I can't make it.

Maybe that’s their way of weeding out all the people they don’t really want there. Genius! They save a wedge and don’t have to have any awkward conversations about why Roger’s second cousin isn’t invited.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
No thanks bridezilla
I will not obey you

It can’t be real.

Dearest Bride and Groom
I can only imagine how swamped you are with essays to read,my oh my to be so popular! I have witheld mine due to this very reason.I shall obviously be weeping sadly from my home in my pyjamas whilst trying desperatly to work my way through what would have been now an hour into your ceremony with a glass nay a bottle of champagne to toast your good health.It really is rather comfortable here and the Moet is so good!!!I do so apologise for not being able to be there with you and I know how disappointed you will be when looking back at your photos thinking how they could have benefited from a touch of glamour that is now sadly lacking with my absence.Have they turned out alright? I know white is not an easy colour to pull off it doesn;t suit everybody? Still its done now! Rest assured I was thinking abput you both on your big day,,how we laughed here at the hailstones coming down! Who would have believed it in August! I hope you both managed to stay dry,?! I will sign off now and please rest assured we wish you both well..Put us down on the list for the next wedding you know just incase this doesnt work we surely couldnt be that unlucky to miss two!!

Surely no one would really send this out to 'potential' wedding guest!

LOOL two words from me too :))

I'd write rude replies (I don't want to come, I was hoping you wouldn't ask me so I didn't have to come up with a good excuse, being there would be less meaningful than a day trip to Ikea, etc) but not actually send them.

Or get drunk and write OTT effusive replies about them being the lights of my life, an inspiration in everything I do and my heart breaking at the prospect of not being able to share their special day even though I know deep down I'm not worthy... and hopefully not actually send those either.

I wouldn't bother replying. An invitation should be offered because they want you there.

I'm tempted to think of a witty riposte in current climate about how nice it will be to come out of local lockdown. Weddings are such a good opportunity to get together and hug and dance and share a meal.

Just the thirty guests then... Oh not even thirty... Oh not even any in a local lockdown area?

You'll be begging total strangers in a pub to come, never mind people you know and supposedly like from separate households.

Masks and wedding outfits. Niche and nice for 2020.

Sad for genuinely nice people. Richly deserved for twats who pull shite like this.

Id ask for a 1000 word essay why I should go to their wedding.