To ask how you would reply to this couple?

[Rainbowb]

If this is true, a couple have sent out wedding invites asking all potential guests to submit two 250-word 'essays' to two questions. The gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. People who don’t write essays at all will be automatically disqualified. So how would you reply if you could do it in much less than 250 words?

"Oh, you poor things. It must be so difficult having to restrict numbers. I'll make a big sacrifice and excuse myself off the list so that someone else can go in my place."

How very noble of me

Read it on Reddit. Yeah, right. It must be real, so.

How spoiled and controlling do you need to be to send this out and not have one single person in your life who is able to make you see how utterly ridiculous it is?!

Fuck off would over it just nicely.

Ooooo I love a good Bridezilla story! And I thought a couple of my friends were bad!

Another good one to google was one about a leaked wedding dress code! The wedding was in Hawaii (not sure where B&G) were from and the dress code was insane (orange jumper, green trousers, children in red and more) - it was for a dance or something, then the outfit had to be worth £1000 or something. Someone leaked the list online and the bride went mad (obviously) and didn’t understand the issue and said anyone who didn’t want to follow the dress code for dancing could reduce their bill by cleaning up after or contribute to their honeymoon. Oh and the dress code was sorted by guest’s weight! Insane - I would love to know if that was real!

A couple of my friends have had these poems which are basically saying “give us money” in the invites. I hate those. Tbh if there’s no gift list I think most people would just give money anyway. I just hate “cash only please”. One even said “in order to make meaningful purchases, we would strongly appreciate cash rather than gift cards”.

I think weddings can just bring out the worst. And it’s not just about the day and the Hen/stag - it dominates everything. Two of my friends married in consecutive years - both those years, whenever there was a gathering, one of them would be “This is all about Laura this year, we’ll treat you” “We’ll by Laura dinner tonight everyone” “No Laura you don’t need to buy a round, this year is about you”. Then after Laura’s wedding, it switched. Laura was now the one saying “This year is about Eva. We need to do lots of special things for Eva” “Oh Eva you guys paid for so much for me last year, we’ve all got to treat Eva this year” “Eva shouldn’t have to contribute to the bill, this is her year”

Laura and Eva (not real names btw) cost me and my friends an absolute fortune their wedding years. We did stand up to them when we could but it made us look like bitches. The next bride was the opposite and so chilled!

"Knowing our friends this is about eleven more words than everyone else wrote"

I’d reply “I don’t want to come!”

Thanks so much for the perfect excuse for not coming to your wedding! With all the money we’ll save on a present/travel/hotel/drinks etc. we will treat ourselves to a short break we actually want to go to!

This is priceless!!

I need to know how this panned out! (Runs off to download Reddit app).

Wtf, how weird

'Jog on'

I just wouldn't reply, job save and I don't even have to send a "sorry I can't attend" - win!

I'd write the essay, and attach an invoice for £500 for my time.

Send back a blank piece of paper

Thisismytimetoshine

Have you actually had this invitation, op? Why would you even consider doing anything but ignore it?

The combination of your username and response have made me smile! Your time to shine... just not at reading the OPs post

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than do that!

Nope.

Another haiku:

Dearest bride and groom
Your wedding task is foolish
I won’t be there - soz!

It’s meant to be an Invitation not a test. I’d dump them as friends. Clearly narcissistic traits and illusions of grandeur 😬

I'd respond (by text) and say "Hi (CFers), I just recieved your jokey wedding invites through the post. DH thought they were real for a moment before we realised this was a prank and we couldn't stop laughing! Just let us know when the real ones are due to be sent so we can check the annual leave calendar, love Dilemma and DH"

I really don't get people who make such a big fuss over their weddings.
Me and DH only had one thought in our head on our wedding day, and it was "are all our guests having a good time?". It was a low key affair, all guests were people we genuinely liked, and the only instructions were "come as you are, and have fun". And we all did (by keeping things simple, it's much easier to make sure everything goes to plan, and focus on the essentials)... I wouldn't change a thing.

My first essay:

Weddings mean spending money, wasted time shopping for the right thing to wear, arranging childcare, anxiety beforehand about having to socialize, trying to get there on time, tight shoes, eye-rolling at stupid things people say, and often eating food that isn’t very good and dealing with a drunk or two. We gladly do this for people we love, because they are important to us and we want to celebrate their union. They in turn do whatever possible to make it a nice time for their guests. Since you’ve failed at recognizing that your guesting are honoring you with their presence rather than the other way around, count me out.

2nd essay: please submit a 250 word essay about why you think I should be bothered attending your wedding and I’ll consider it against the many more important things I have to do.

I would reoly in three letters.

Lol

I would love an invitation to your wedding.

I like the idea of getting together with other people with self-esteem so low that they are willing to suck up royally to someone else for the privilege of spending money to dress, buy a present and struggle to get to some tacky venue.
The appeal of being herded like cattle for photos is irresistible. I will enjoy being stuck on a table near the lavatories with your least-favourite relative. The idea of queuing for a lukewarm buffet and picking over jaded leftovers gets my juices flowing.
What would it mean to me?
A reminder that there are always shallow twats who think the world revolves around them, or more likely, are afraid that it really doesn’t.
It will reinforce my opinion that weddings are becoming more materialistic in direct inverse proportion to their likelihood of survival.
Oh, by the way, who are you? Have we met?

Thank you for making my day . My essay would be v v short ....