Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex taking kids to Spain

105 replies

WhatwouldJudydo · 03/08/2020 23:09

Ex due to fly to canaries in a couple of weeks time. Following government guidance assumed it would be cancelled however ex has said its going ahead and he wants me to quarantine with the kids after due to working from home and is saying he can't keep them. AIBU not dropping all my plans so the kids can go away?

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 12/08/2020 11:19

Someone unthread said about police.

And why I'm certainly not a ring 111 straightway person I would say that if he turns up with them in that 14 day quarantine you will not be opening door and will contact police as he's breaking the quarantine rules by moving them from the adresss.

I would also look at contacting border control or something. I know you can stop children travelling but I also wonder if there's a way if giving permission on the basis the quarantine period is with the people they are travelling with.

Newuname199987 · 12/08/2020 11:32

The EHIC only gives medical treatment that a person living there would be entitled to do it is not in any way a replacement for proper insurance which would cover repatriation for example. If something happened and they needed medical repatriation that would cost thousands and not covered by EHIC.
I would not allow my children to travel anywhere if there was no insurance in place that covers everything to do with the current COVID situation.

AuditAngel · 12/08/2020 11:36

I’m in a similar position to Boom (although not dual nationality) and should be in Spain right now, however, the FCO have advised against all non-essential travel which invalidates our Insurance (annual policy bought long ago and flights were bought in December).

I was happy to quarantine on return, and was even ready to take my laptop with me in case we had to stay in Spain longer.

If he takes the kids, he needs to quarantine them

combatbarbie · 12/08/2020 11:51

OP how old are the two that are going.

I think you just need to be firm and say, they can go but as per guidelines they quarantine with him and just don't be there when they get back. What's he going to do, call SS? He does know there is a £1000 fine for not quarantining on return.... Only takes one phone call if he is planning on going straight back to work.

combatbarbie · 12/08/2020 11:52

And not taking the youngest is just disgusting..... But that's another thread.

BeeTrees · 12/08/2020 12:30

OP, these people have cakes you a cunt, yes I’ll say it but just the C word, as it is so abhorrent to you that you can’t type it on a forum that allows swearing. They called you this and are not taking the youngest as they want an easy time.

These are not nice people and they are the arseholes not you. Why the fuck should you miss 2 weeks off work for nothing?

Honestly. Stand your ground

BeeTrees · 12/08/2020 12:31

“Called”
Cakes I’m sure is a whole nother website out there somewhere

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/08/2020 12:33

@combatbarbie

And not taking the youngest is just disgusting..... But that's another thread.
I wouldn’t let the others go for that reason alone in normal times but a country that the FCO recommendation is to not travel too and added medical conditions would have had me saying a firm no even if the youngest was added.

No one needs a holiday and there are plenty of things for children to do without taking risks like this.

Lweji · 12/08/2020 14:03

Well, break all hell on them.

Stand your ground.
Explain to your children that going means staying at dad's for an extra two weeks and not seeing you, if necessary.

whittingtonmum · 12/08/2020 14:23

I don't think you need to accept that is your responsibility to make a decision here as your ex and his lot have you believe.

It's quite simple the children can go if
× he agrees to abide by government guidelines that the whole family bubble will quarantine for 14 days after return from the holiday at his place
× he agrees in writing to foot any costs 100% that may arise from lack of travel insurance for the two children.

Simpels. If he doesn't agree to that there is no choice for you to make. You can't allow your children to break government rules and you can't be liable for thousands, possibly tens of thousands of repatriation costs in case of medical emergency. Not your choice - his.

MzHz · 12/08/2020 15:11

Stop being such a mug!

His family are bullying you into doing something that places you at risk, your toddler at risk, interferes with your work potentially and is also against the law.

I don’t trust that even if he said he would quarantine with the kids that he would.

So pull the plug completely, refuse the trip in writing telling him why and that should he wish to take this up legally in any way at all that all communication he’s spewed in your direction will be support your position in court.

You don’t owe this bloke a thing, he’s NOT putting your kids first, he’s putting them in an impossible situation

Let hell break loose. Let him go with his new gf and her kids, let them quarantine or not and keep you and your kids out of all of it.

If your kids are upset, so what! Their dad could have arranged to take them somewhere without quarantine but he didn’t. You’re not responsible for him or for his girlfriend or her kids, you’re responsible for keeping the roof over your heads, you’re responsible for the kids and nothing will ever be allowed to jeopardise that.

End of discussion

You have the passports right? Get them out of the house and somewhere safe and send the email ASAP.

Original poster
WhatwouldJudydo · 12/08/2020 20:06

He has their passports - none of them had them so he brought them well his mum did and she also has the birth certificates (which I gave to her for a holiday they were all due to go on with the kids back at the start of the year that didn't happen due to COVID) this man is a controlling arse and I just don't think I have fight in me to do court etc. He and his family and new gf have already nearly bullied me to breaking point

OP posts:
combatbarbie · 12/08/2020 22:19

Are they providing holiday clothes or are you also expected to do this also.

Just send a firm email stating what's been said above, he can take them but they have to quarantine with him on return and make yourself unavailable for their return as in go away for a night or two.

itsgettingweird · 12/08/2020 22:25

And add in the email that you are sure he was going to comply anyway due to a) government guidelines and b) not wanting to risk the health of his smallest child

AnyFucker · 12/08/2020 22:39

Oh dear. Op you sound very ground down. To the point you will cave and let your dc with medical needs travel uninsured ?

Over my dead body would thst be happening. Come on now, dig deep and don't let these idiots put your kids at risk.

LittleOwl153 · 12/08/2020 22:59

You say you are expected back in school for the second week. Why dont you talk to your Head and see what they think? They will likely tell you that you will not be paid if you don't turn up, and that you can't turn up if you are subjecting yourself to quarantine unnecessarily - as in you are not the one travelling. You may be putting you job on the line for this fancy of your ex's. especially as it was booked after all this came about.

Good luck as it doesnt sound as though you are in a great place. I suspect you will let them go and will end up breaking the quarantine for the kids as you will need to return work....

TheSerenDipitY · 12/08/2020 23:10

if he wants to take the kids to a CV hot spot then he gets to deal with the quarantine too, no way should you have to lose work/money and risk being infected so he can play disney dad

Pumpkinnose · 12/08/2020 23:19

Doesn’t he need your permission for them to leave the country?

FortniteBoysMum · 12/08/2020 23:28

So is he going to pay you for the loss of earning on week two and condensation if you pick up covid from the kids. Only if they go away together they quarantine together. This risks passing the virus to you which is not part of the isolation rules. Either they stay with him or they don't go personally

SandyY2K · 12/08/2020 23:32

It's difficult isn't it. I know what the guidelines say, but the Canary Islands do not have the same high rate of outbreaks as mainland Spain.

They're on the list as it would be an administrative difficulty to separate the Islands.

If his parents are giving you grief, why don't they quarantine with the kids?

In what universe would you be going on holiday and it impact on him being able to go to work.

I don't blame his GF for not wanting to look after your kids as well as hers, but he should be the one taking time off.

RedToothBrush · 12/08/2020 23:42

Let me get this straight:

  1. He can't be arsed to look after his kids after the holiday - pretty much because he has no intention of quarranting.

  2. The kids can't quarantine with you because you have to be back at work for the second week of their quarratine.

Is that right?

Therefore they can't go as they can't quarratine as required by law.

All the rest of it is controlling emotional blackmail.

They won't have travel insurance whilst away, so thats a risk that you are well within your rights to object to.

You don't have an alternative, unless you are prepared to risk losing your job or are prepared to go to work when your children should be quaratining which if you are caught doing this, is a safeguarding issue and could also loose your job for as its a criminal act.

Let me repeat this, he's putting you in a situation where you get to pick your poison of potentially putting your job at risk all cos he wants a jolly in the sun.

The answer is NO. Anything else put your future and your kids future at unnecessary risk. Yes he's going to make it difficult, but you don't have a choice.

Alwaysoutofreach · 13/08/2020 00:04

It would be a no just for the no insurance!

MzHz · 13/08/2020 00:08

These are your kids, this is your livlihood, you can and need to say no, they’re not going and fuck the fucking lot of them

Why aren’t you standing up for what’s best for your kids and what will help you keep a roof over your head? Why does your ex feelings come before your welfare? Your kids welfare or your career?

Really, why?

WaterOffADucksCrack · 13/08/2020 00:14

Aside from all the obvious pandemic issues I would have said no as soon as they suggested leaving one child out. It also sounds as though her children are the golden children and yours are the scapegoats (his comment about her kids being better behaved whilst she's at work). Plus he can't have been with the girlfriend very long? So a mixed family holiday sounds intense.

FrippEnos · 13/08/2020 00:21

@WhatwouldJudydo

I think I'll have to let them go I'm just worried about work, should I tell them?
He takes, he quarantines them.

If you quarantine them you stay off work.

He is being a selfish prick and I doubt that any quarantine will happen and that is why he wants you to do it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.