Ex taking kids to Spain

[WhatwouldJudydo]

Ex due to fly to canaries in a couple of weeks time. Following government guidance assumed it would be cancelled however ex has said its going ahead and he wants me to quarantine with the kids after due to working from home and is saying he can't keep them. AIBU not dropping all my plans so the kids can go away?

What shitty behaviour from him to you and kids. Bet you're glad he's an ex.

Ex has now said he will pay for tests for the kids when they get back and if negative they can come home instead of quarantining. Is that viable? (It's good if they can as means that I won't go ages not seeing them) but could they still get it later on as I thought the whole point of quarantine was that it can take 2 weeks for it to come out?

OP, that won’t work as other countries test arrivals on day 0 the day 5 and then day 14. You only test positive when you are actively shedding virus. Say they go through Heathrow airport on their way home and pick it up, they won’t even start shedding the virus or test positive until say day 5, so a test the day they come home is useless.

That’s why it’s 14 days quarantine, they could test negative up to day 13 when they start becoming symptomatic, or become a silent spreader.

They have to stay with him until day 14 if they go.

But personally I would not be going anywhere near an airport or plane at the moment.

A test won’t negate the need for quarantine. It still applies.

I agree all the tests show you is they are negative at that point in time. They may not show symptoms for a week or two. Quarantine is the only solution.

Test or no test, symptoms or no symptoms, they could become infectious within the two weeks.
The point of quarantine is that travellers don't transmit it to other people. That would be you, OP. So, if they go, they should always stay with him until clear.

The other aspect to factor in is that even if they quarantine with him, it will be 3 weeks without you.

I agree, there is no part 2 of the instructions about return from a country on the 14 day quarantine list.

If you spend any time in one of these countries and you return to the uk, you
Must provide details of where you have been and where you’re going to quarantine and then you observe that quarantine

I’m due to return to the uk on Friday. If there was a way around quarantine, I’d have found it

Your h by insisting the kids go must take on the quarantine period as well. If you’re not confident that he’ll observe quarantine and/or he’s insisting you have them thereby making you run the risk of potential infection, then withdraw the permission for them to travel and refuse the passport

If that’s the course you want to take - and it would be the course I would take tbh - then better he’s advised now so he can cancel whatever he needs to.

You’re not going to win whatever you do here, so the only thing you can do is to make the decision to keep you and the kids as safe as poss.

*refuse to hand over the passports.

The test won't stop the need to quarantine.
They could have the test the second they get back and be negative but the virus could show up in the following days during the quarantine.
Regardless if any of this my vulnerable DC would not be flying to the canary islands during a world pandemic. Full stop.
I'd do all I could to prevent it. Absolutely everything.

I think I'd be more worried about them going abroad while a pandemic is on than the quarantining afterwards if they have medical needs and its true about the insurance.
I'm not one of the people overly stressed about Covid either.

@RightOnTheEdge

I think I'd be more worried about them going abroad while a pandemic is on than the quarantining afterwards if they have medical needs and its true about the insurance. I'm not one of the people overly stressed about Covid either.

As well as the fact a sibling is being left out. That alone would have been enough for me to say no much less the pandemic, health issues and quarantine.

So he will return and not quarantine?

What a bell end. I wouldn’t agree to it.

@WhatwouldJudydo

Ex has now said he will pay for tests for the kids when they get back and if negative they can come home instead of quarantining. Is that viable? (It's good if they can as means that I won't go ages not seeing them) but could they still get it later on as I thought the whole point of quarantine was that it can take 2 weeks for it to come out?

They still have to quarantine. I’ve just got back from Spain myself and have had a negative test and it makes fuck all difference. They have to quarantine and if he can’t be arsed it’s his fault.

What will your school say/do if you aren’t in for the first week?

You have to be at work. Ex and partner both have to quarantine so it’s a no brainer that the children stay there.

I wouldn’t let my children go just for all the insurance issues alone.

I would allow them to go and do a half hearted quarantine for a week or so. Can you have a week each?

A) evidence in schools showing primary age children not shown to transmit very much compared to secondary and adults
B) canaries have very few cases, no other country has done a blanket ban on islands thousands of miles away from Spain
C) the government have given out ONE fine and are not checking. They actually text you to check you're quarantining.

@RightOnTheEdge

I think I'd be more worried about them going abroad while a pandemic is on than the quarantining afterwards if they have medical needs and its true about the insurance. I'm not one of the people overly stressed about Covid either.

The EHIC cards cover treatment while abroad by the way...

I think I'll have to let them go I'm just worried about work, should I tell them?

Why would you have to tell work anything? He needs to so the quarantine not you. Unless you are suggesting breaking quarantine.

You’ll need to inform the schools though that they won’t be in.

@WhatwouldJudydo

I think I'll have to let them go I'm just worried about work, should I tell them?

You only let them go if they quarantine at his house. This is genuinely unreal. The selfish ignorance of your ex and his wife/ partner is astounding!

Why is it that your work will have to suffer but not him?

Why do you think you'll have to let them go?

Do you even want to?

EHIC card doesn't cover the full cost of medical treatment and it doesn't cover repatriation if, for instance, anyone is hospitalised and misses their flight or breaks a leg and needs a special seat on a plane. On return your ex and your children need to quarantine for 14 days AWAY from you (and everyone else) so they can't stay with you. I think it is a terrible idea to let them go without travel insurance let alone trying to dodge the quarantine ...

On return your ex and your children need to quarantine for 14 days AWAY from you (and everyone else) so they can't stay with you.

Exactly. This should be your answer to him.

This quarantine thing, as implemented, won't work to prevent transmission, btw. It's a tactic by the government to discourage people from travelling.

But I wonder what they'll say at the airport when he tells them that his plan is to take the children to their mother, thereby flaunting the quarantine.

If they go and he attempts to drop them off, then you can certainly refuse to take them and if necessary call the police for breaching quarantine. Tell him that you WILL do that.

Honestly, a parent who is prepared to put their children through any of this, is a bad and selfish parent.

He could have chosen a UK holiday, instead. Or just go alone. Or accept the cost of his decisions.

On return your ex and your children need to quarantine for 14 days AWAY from you (and everyone else) so they can't stay with you.

^ this

They travel with him then have to quarantine with him.

And if he thinks your children can't behave for 8 hours of home working then as their dad he needs to implement boundaries so they can behave (I suspect they are fine though!)

You don't send kids to the other parent for behaviour reasons - you parent them as the other person responsible.

It doesn't sound like you have the same issues! And that's as a lone parent!

I don't want them to go really no, but he has told the kids they can and if I don't let them all hell will break loose. I've already had him,and his mum also on at me saying I am being selfish (amount many other not so nice things - selfish c etc) and just want 3 weeks "off" despite 1 year old still staying with me 🤨 and me not being able to plan anything for these three weeks because I don't know if he'll have kids, his mum will or if he'll do this test and end up turning up with them at my house so I can't not have them (which he's done before)

If it was my holiday I wouldn't have booked it in the first place - this is the second time they have booked - so they only booked this last month. Her parents have paid which is why I think there is a lot of pressure from him and his family and obv I will be the bad one not letting them go but I am uncomfortable with it all. I wouldn't be going if it was my holiday, even if it meant loosing money, but then I haven't been silly enough to book to go abroad with the kids in the first place during a pandemic - I think if you did you would 50/50 have to expect it might go wrong!

I wouldn't (and didnt) be letting my children travel uninsured. They will get over the disappointment - kids are remarkably resilient and mine were very upset for a few hours but actually were fine about not going pretty quickly.
But if you're ok with that then they quarantine with your, also quarantineing, ex.