Violent dog and 9mo DS

[cuddlypenguins]

So just before i found out i was pregnant with now 9mo DS, we were visiting DPs DF and DSM for an evening. Towards the end of the evening, their dog bit my face through to the bone, leading to stitches and black eyes for a while.
Fast forward to now and DP has understandably told his DF and DSM that they cannot have DS overnight as they still have the dog.
Dog has tried to bite DP in the past, but he brushed it off as want more than a nick, hes an animal lover and there wasnt a child involved.
His DSM has been like a second mum to him, has been in his life since he was a child and treated him as her own. However she was never able to have children of her own and treats the dog like her baby.
His DF, hates animals, so the dog probably hasn't had the best life with him and that could be the cause for the aggression, but its not worth putting our DS at risk.
DP had the conversation with his DF as lockdown is easing and they started asking for overnight visits. So DP told his DF they can't have DS overnight as its too dangerous. The conversation was civil and he said he understood and it was for the best.
Once his DF told his DSM though, it has turned into an argument where we have been called ungrateful etc after everything they've done for us, and do we really think they'd be stupid enough to put DS at risk?
Problem is on more than one occasion now when we have visited them on the understanding the dog is kept well away from DS, they have let the dog out around him as if it is no big deal, so we worry they can't be trusted to keep the dog away if we are not there.
Its escalated now to them having been almost totally NC since, with DPs DF talking to him briefly but seemingly trying to play both sides for an easy life.
This means for the time being by their choice they aren't seeing DS, which is making us angry as it feels as if they are putting their violent dog before their DGC.
We want to resolve this without causing more of an argument but dont know how.
AWBU to stand our ground and say absolutely not?

@AbbieFB they apologised, and said it wasn't that bad so no need for a hospital and paid for us to get a taxi home, which we used to go to A&E where the doctor pointed out the white visible was actually bone. DPs DF was angry, DSM was upset at the idea her dog might get put down.

The decision that DS can never ever go there unsupervised is and already was well and truly made, guess we just needed some outside perspective as they've made us feel like we're being totally over dramatic

Holy shit. If family had that reaction over me being savaged by their dog, I’d never have contact with them again.

And I’d have reported the dog to the police and it would have been put down.

Again I say that as a dog lover who often prefers dogs over people ;)

YADNBU. I would not let that dog near my child, not ever. Nor myself, to be honest, after it bit me to the fucking bone!!!

Out of curiosity, what type of dog is it?

Please do not even think of letting them take the baby out on their own. They are deceiving themselves about the dog, and have shown that they cannot be trusted about it. They would probably take the dog out too at the same time, whatever they said. Why do some people get so irrational about their dogs? Unbelievable that it was not put down whenit attacked you..

They are deceiving themselves about the dog, and have shown that they cannot be trusted about it.

Yes, this. I actually think this would be enough of a red flag I wouldn't let them have the baby unsupervised, whatever happens with the dog.

I have dogs.
I love dogs.
That dog should have been put to sleep after it bit you.
That is appalling.
I would not want that dog in the same room as me after that bite.
If anything you are being too nice.

A dear friend of ours took on a neurotic abused rescue dog that bit. When she went into hospital we took in the dog temporarily. (3 months !!!!!) Under no circumstances would I ever allow that dog to be under the same roof as our visiting grandchildren so whenever they came to stay, dog went into boarding kennels at its owners expense. He never met the children.

It'sone possible solution

I have had dogs all my life. I absolutely would not be taking your DS to their home while they have this dog. I appreciate that you have said never unsupervised but the fact is you have already been badly bitten so the known risks are really high and the consequences of a similar bite to a baby/young child could be catastrophic.

Why would you want a baby around your dog that you know had bitten in the past? Surely they’re inviting trouble to their door. You should absolutely stand your ground and not give in . I do hope the in laws see sense in your choice .

Out of interest what kind of dog is it ?

@MaxNormal

I love dogs and can find MN a bit hysterical on the topic but in this case YANBU times about a million. You could have lost an eye. You are doing completely the right thing, your child could get maimed for life or worse.

Hell, I prefer dogs to babies.

Don't let them ever have the baby alone - or visit them. And I would have reported the first attack.

The dog is a border collie for those that are wondering

has turned into an argument where we have been called ungrateful etc after everything they've done for us, and do we really think they'd be stupid enough to put DS at risk

There's an easy answer to that - they put you at very serious risk as evidenced by the attack on you, so yes, it's perfectly reasonable to think they might put your child at risk.

@2bazookas

A dear friend of ours took on a neurotic abused rescue dog that bit. When she went into hospital we took in the dog temporarily. (3 months !!!!!) Under no circumstances would I ever allow that dog to be under the same roof as our visiting grandchildren so whenever they came to stay, dog went into boarding kennels at its owners expense. He never met the children.

It'sone possible solution

This sounds like you were a completely responsible (if only temporary) dog owner & thoughtful grandparent. It would be a solution if the OPs were of the same mindset but unfortunately, it doesn't sound like they are. They'd need to be 100% on board and OP would need to trust them.

No 9 month old needs sleepovers with grandparents anyway.

I would never go near the dog again, let alone let my child.

I have real issues with people keeping dogs that bite, we have far too many stressed out dogs, badly looked after, in Britain and I hate being around them.

No way would I be stepping foot inside the house while the dog lives there. And never with the baby!!! If they want to see you, they can come to you - they're choosing a dog over family!

You must have scars OP, just keep showing them to her and asking if she wants your DC to have similar.

YANBU. I wouldn't go near them with that dog given it's attacked you and DH. The fact it bit you to the bone says to me it should be put down. I wouldn't have my child anywhere near the dog or the irresponsible owner ever. DSM is selfish and cannot be trusted. Please don't ever allow you baby be left with them ever, it's not a risk to take.

No, they can't be trusted to take the situation seriously so must never have your DS in their home.

Either they take the risk seriously or they don't. If they don't, they can't have DC near that dog. Dogs can bite - it's a risk you take when you have them. But having one that's bitten previously and been trained properly since is one thing. Having one that's bitten and been treated like a baby ever since is a recipe for disaster.

YANBU

I would stop going there at all. If they wanted to see me or our baby they'd have to do it supervised at our house or 'out'

End of story, no compromise.

Given how they tried to hide the dog biting you (From the authorities) & down play it - they wouldn't have unsupervised contact anyway. Because I simply wouldn't trust them with DS.

For me this isn't Entirely about the dog biting, it's about the trust and for me there wouldn't be any

Plus obviously the risk of DS getting bitten, he wouldn't be going to the house with or without us

What was the situation with it biting you?

I've always been quite confident around dogs and they've never bothered me so the dog was lying on the sofa and I was sitting on the floor next to him and went to give him a cuddle which was, unfortunately, at face level

I don't understand why anyone thinks the baby would be safe with you there? You weren't safe and no-one could protect you, surely nothing has changed? Please don't even take your baby into the house with that dangerous dog.

@raspberryk

I would have insisted the dog be put down when it bit your face. I would also never go there again with the dog still present especially not with your child, never mind overnights. You aren't overreacting but there is some serious underreacting going on. I am an animal lover and lifelong dog owner btw.

All of this. ⬆️

Dog should have been put to sleep for biting a human, let alone on the face and through to the bone- how did that not happen?

And you’re definitely in the right - keep your baby away. The fact that this is causing such a drama with DSM means she sees no problem with baby and dog being together.

Agree with others that they can’t have any unsupervised contact with your DC. Who’s to say they don’t decide to head home where the dog is, without your knowledge? I’d say it’s actually quite likely, DSM perhaps trying to prove the dog is not so bad 🤷‍♀️ Too much of a risk. Right choice by you and your DP, well done.