To offer some grammar tips to anyone who might want them?

[UnaCorda]

I sincerely hope this doesn't come across as either rude or patronising - it genuinely isn't meant to. It's also not intended as a pedants' thread.

I just thought it might be useful to list a few common mistakes, with an explanation, so that anyone who isn't very confident with their written English might be able to correct errors which, for example, could perhaps count against them in a job application or when used in a professional context.

I'll start with three:

1. "Your" shows that what you're referring to (probably a person or object) belongs to whoever "you" is in the sentence; for example, "Your brother showed me your book". If you mean "you are" you need to write "you're".

2. "Non" is not a word on its own - it is negating something, such as in "non-stick" or "non-committal". ("None-stick" would be incorrect, as would "non of them".) "None" means there aren't any. "How many cakes are left?" "Sorry - none." Or, "How many of the children finished the test?" "None of them."

3. "Alot" is not a word and the same goes for "abit", "infront", "incase" and "inbetween". Instead use "a lot", etc., just like "a little".

Hope I haven't made any mistakes myself...

Girls's makes no sense whatsoever. Girls is already plural so why would you need to pluralise a plural? I have never seen this.

I see 'I would of' a lot on here... it's actually 'I would have', as in 'I would've' where 'have' is abbreviated

Using apostrophes to pluralise things seems to be a contagious affliction. Really concerned about how many teachers don't seem to be able to get the basics right!

Also...bit of a tangent because it seems to be an American thing, but judging by films and TV it seems to be common over there to say "I could care less" instead of "I couldn't care less". I mean....!!!

I've been noticing it a lot recently and it's really been getting my goat. Just needed to get that off my chest!

One that's annoying me at the moment is "I DONE a pregnancy test" I cringe every time

To the PP asking about the dog belonging to a guy named Clements... the correct way of writing would be 'Clements's dog' rather than 'Clements' dog', which is why it would be pronounced 'Clementses'

Writing 'Clements' dog' would mean that the dog belongs to multiple people called Clement.

The correct written grammar looks clumsy but it's the only way to be specific about what it needs to convey.

Agree about St Thomas's hospital being misspelled. It's a trend that's creeping in because it 'looks right' but ends up meaning something entirely different.

@MrsKypp - Yes, they sound exactly the same in my area (London suburb, UK).

I think they sound the same with most dialects. They sound the same for me too (Irish, west coast).

@MrsKypp - It depends where you're writing though I think. You can't publish an article in a journal mixing homophones, and ideally, it'd be correct in an essay.

Absolutely. I will spend a lot more time crafting language in a journal article than in a post on here or a WhatsApp message. However, I always try to review what I've written to ensure it's accurate, regardless of the medium.

It does reveal your level of grammatical knowledge and education.

Which unfortunately, doesn't necessarily correlate with level of overall education. I get some shocking emails and submissions from postgrad students, never mind the undergrads. You would think that someone who is writing a thesis would make an effort to figure out the correct grammar. I refuse to correct it beyond stating that they need to proof-read as there are a significant number of grammatical errors.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

An oxymoron walked into a bar and the silence was deafening.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

To offer some grammar tips to anyone who might want them?

I think the clue here is in the last six words of the title. It makes it very clear that these tips are for anyone who might have a genuine interest in improving their English, and who are aware that their spelling and/or grammar are not all they should be. It never fails to amaze me how there are people out there who are just waiting to feel offended/ patronised by someone who is clearly just wanting to help. Obviously if you think spelling and grammar are not that important or you are happy with your own spelling and grammar, then then is not the thread for you, in the same way that if there is a thread about pregnancy or football or Eastenders and you have no interest in these subjects, then you will most probably not go onto those threads and start complaining about them. The OP makes it very clear that this a thread for people who would appreciate some help, and she has given very clear explanations to people who have genuine queries about the use of English.