To ask whens the right time to have a baby and to want one so badly?

[Givemealltherice]

So I know there's no such thing as the actual right time but I wonder whens not the wrong time?
My partner and I want a child really badly, it's very important to us. We're both students and everything I see and read is saying don't do it when you're a student, so when? I think it might help with the waiting if I had some sort of time frame. So when was or would have been the right time for you? If you were me when would you start trying?
For context I'm 20 husband is 21, married last year been together 5 years. I'm in biochemistry and husband is in physics both graduating 2022 (both currently doing a placement year) we live in Newcastle. I would really settle for any job, whatever I do I imagine I'll have to enter some sort of graduate scheme based on my post graduate job research. Husband wants to be a science teacher so when graduating wants to enter something like the teach first scheme. We think we'd like 2 children but that seems like the kind of decision you make once you know what parent hood is like. I have a family history of people having trouble conceiving and I have irregular periods which I imagine will affect fertility.

Sorry didn't mean for the voting thing to be there, doesn't make much sense.

Well I think if everyone waited for the absolute ideal, perfect time, a lot of us would still be waiting now.

However, I think there are better times which to me would personally be at least after you'd graduated.

Irregular periods doesn't mean that you aren't ovulating, so I'd check that out with testing.

I'd say to give yourselves at least a couple of years in the real world, outside of student life. It's important to establish when a man says that he wants children, is he wanting to fully co-parent, or is he planning on you being the default parent?

What's he like as a partner and how is he with money and around the house? Have you discussed the day to day of being parents?

You are honestly so young, in your position I would wait until I had graduated and established a career that meant we were financially secure as a family.
If you’re concerned about your fertility could you have some testing done to give you some confidence that everything is ok?

You have plenty of time for children, and given you're both students, now is not it. Just because some women in your family had fertility issues does not mean you will. Enjoy life, get into your career, save money and then think about children.

You need to finish your studies, get a start on your career and have been employed long enough to qualify for maternity pay.
Would also help if you have a secure home either rented or purchased and some savings.

In your position, if at all feasible, I'd crack on. You're young, hopefully you'll be able to get pregnant easily and have healthy children. Honestly, I really do think having children when you're young is a good idea, if the circumstances permit. Then by your mid-forties you'll have your life back, you're young enough to do whatever you like, live wherever you like and enjoy grandchildren if they come along.

I know a lot of people think you should spend your twenties getting your career sorted, but frankly I think get the childbearing done and dusted and go from there.

I think waiting til u graduate would be a good idea :)

Sorry - just re-read your OP. Maybe graduate first and then start trying.

Ideally when you have finished studying, have a good job, ideally your own house and have travelled at least a little... having baby is stressful enough without trying to sort all that other shit out too! In my personal opinion later in your twenties makes sense but there is never a perfect time - although right now seems like a particularly inconvenient time for you!

I’d wait until we are out of a pandemic, you both have actual stable jobs, own your own home and have decent savings behind you before making the huge financial commitment of having children.

You’ve only been together for two years as actual adults so I certainly wouldn’t be rushing into it.

You'd be quite mad to deliberately have a child when you're students. Get yourself established in a career first, with a job to return to from maternity leave, before even contemplating having a child.

Why are you in such a rush? I get that you suspect you may have trouble conceiving, but the difference between 20 and 25 is not going to make a whole hill of beans, surely?

I know a lot of people think you should spend your twenties getting your career sorted, but frankly I think get the childbearing done and dusted and go from there.

Alas, the bills still need to be paid if you spend your twenties having children.

I know people will come along and say that there’s never a right time, and to a degree they’re right, but you do need to carefully think through all the possible eventualities.

You’ll need to consider how you’ll provide care for your child once he or she is born, who will work, who will stay at home, or what it would cost for nursery care. Could you manage on one salary if you were too ill to work after giving birth? If your baby had additional needs could you afford to provide for them? Costs will rise as your family grows, and if you’ve just taken any job, will you be able to earn enough as time goes on to support all of you? Do you have a buffer Of savings to keep a roof over your heads if one of you loses a job (which neither of you have yet)?

Concentrate on getting your degrees and getting established in jobs - maternity leave will be important to you and you’ll need to earn the right to take the time off or money will be even tighter.

Even a couple of years will give you a better idea of your earning power, the economic situation post-Covid and Brexit, and the sort of lifestyle you can afford, and a chance to build some savings, without having an impact on your fertility. The broader horizons you develop once you leave education might even change your view about how important it is to start a family right now.

I was similar to you, in that I got together with my DH and felt very broody at a young age.
We waited until we had graduated, worked in our careers a couple of years, saved for a house deposit and had a few really great holidays.
I’m so glad we did it this way round and waited. Having a baby is amazing, but once they are here you are going to love them so much and want them to have the best of everything. That means a secure home, parents that are happy in their careers and preferably earn enough to not have to go back to work ASAP and work every hour possible. Plus all the little luxuries and holidays you will want your children to have.
Why make things harder for yourself and your children if you have the choice.

same as all above, no idea wgy it would seem a good idea just now, you're only 20, you and dh are both students, still some covid risk, so wait 5 years, you're still only 25, you'll have a job and some savings and ge entitled to maternity pay, and covid 19 will be a thing of the past

It's true there is no right time but in your case (because you asked) it is definitely not the right time.

Firstly you are very young and you havent establishes any sort of career yet - what is the point in studying if you won't be making use of it? Not many employers would want to hire a graduate with no work experience, who graduated a few years ago.

If you don't want a career then go for it, but it would be naive to think you can have kids now and then easily get a job in the field you are studying for when you are competing against grads who have only just graduated. You need to decide what's important to you?

The reality is that one of you will have to stop being a full time student unless you have retired family who are very, very generous with their time. Because you won't be able to afford full time childcare as students.

I would recommend graduating, husband finishing any training schemes, and renting your own place at the very earliest.

I cannot tell you how helpful having savings has been in this pandemic as I lost my job in March. The added responsibility of a child in times of financial uncertainty is immense.

Your decision. But remember you are the one who will end up doing the whole pregnancy bit, so factor in how that would fit with your final assessment. Are you willing to lose out on a decent degree while your partner sails through? Then again, you are the one whose career will be put on hold while you miss out on the terrific opportunities that exist for a woman in STEM careers. You will be lucky to be able to hang on to a part time job, doing all the grunt work and being the one using up all your holiday entitlement doing emergency childcare.

Science teachers don't earn a lot, with you part time at best you will be renters for life.

Concentrate on your degrees, get a couple of years work experience under your belt then think about babies. You want to be able to give your child the best, a decent home, parents with good incomes and prospects. Don't get stuck in the one bedroom flat /two babies scenario.

To be honest you sound a bit immature and dewy eyed about babies, if you want something cute and dependent rescue a pair of kittens. Enjoy your youth, your freedom, you have worked hard for your education, don't stand by and watch your contemporaries enjoying the fruits of their hard work. You have plenty of time to have it all, just do it in the right order.

Just finish your studies and get into a career then after 12 months I'd say get going :) there is no right time but believe me when I say getting a career post kids is much harder and although I wouldn't change a single thing you're half way there now!

Please please please

As someone with a 8.5 month old son

Know this

Your life will change forever, as will your body, your views on the world and your relationship with your OH.

I am not saying it will be negative or positive just very very different.

If you have aspirations of finishing your education please do it first if you are lucky enough to have the opportunity.

Don’t give up that life experience or the prospect of it as you may not be able to restart in the future or not for some time.

I love my son. He is my entire universe, but this is the hardest job I have ever had in my life.

I am knackered, my entire body is exhausted, I haven’t slept longer than 5 hours in over a year.
(By the end of your pregnancy you need to pee every 5 minutes!)

I’m not saying don’t have a child. Do it it bloody awesome.

I’m just saying finish your education first if you have the chance.

You may regret it if you don’t

I’m significantly older than you and I can honestly say I miss and mourn some aspects of my former life even though I am beyond in love with my son x

Establish a career with a decent salary first. Kids - and childcare - are insanely expensive

And I agree with the above, much as you love and adore your children, you miss your old life

I don't believe there's a perfect time but there are better times. Aged 20 and being a full time student is not ideal.
How would you afford it?

Depends on your circumstances and how you would afford it I guess?

I know a girl who got pregnant in our final year of uni, but as she lived rent/mortgage free in a house she inherited from her nan, and her boyfriend had a job, she wasn't worried about money at all. Plus her mum was happy to help out with childcare so she had the option of getting a job after graduating. Whereas for me with my student loan, zero hours contract with no maternity pay, living in a 5 person house share, with no family who would be able to help with childcare, I would have been freaking out.

There's pros and cons to having babies earlier or later, but think you need to think about the practicalities. I graduated around the 2008 recession and the job market was tough, who knows what it will be like in 2022, but there's a chance it may be difficult for you both. Interest in teacher training has gone through the roof recently so your husband might struggle to get in first time round. Hopefully not, especially with a physics degree but you never know.