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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being upset with dp...

40 replies

SweetCherryPie · 01/10/2007 16:46

On Friday a girl who works for my dp told him she was pregnant. After she went home he told me. This morning she came and said to my dp "you haven't told (me) have you?" to which he replied "No".

I feel very upset with the fact dp told her he hadn't told me because i think if she is going to tell the boss she should expect him to tell his partner. I wouldn't go around telling everyone, i just feel like she doesn't see me as her boss too or even respect that i am the bosses partner. I am even more angry with dp for not saying to her "yes she does know because she is my partner and your boss too."

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 01/10/2007 19:04

It may well just be a case of her not wanting to "tempt fate" by telling too many people. If that is the case give her the benefit of the doubt. When she does tell you say, well dp did tell me, obviously because as a partner in the business and your employer it affects me, but of course i woudlnt say anything, that gives the message without making you seem like you are being funny.

To me, it sounds as if there are other issues here, does she not respect you in other ways? If so, you were within your rights to deal with that face on.

flowerybeanbag · 01/10/2007 19:05

Just sit down with her and DP, and say you want to have a discussion about your role. It doesn't have to be confrontational or difficult at all, if you approach it nicely. Just say that you wanted to take this opportunity to clarify that you and DP are jointly in charge, and she reports to you just as much as him. Say you were a bit unsure whether she realises this, so you hope that clears things up.
Congratulate her on her pregnancy, say you would be pleased if she felt able to discuss anything she needs to relating to it or other matters with either you or DP. Then ask if everything is ok with her, is there anything she would like to ask.

I would advise having a discussion with your DP first to make sure you are both singing from the same hymnsheet.

I think your DP will need to come clean about having told you about her pregnancy. He can apologise, say he assumed it would be fine to tell you, and then panicked a bit when she asked if he had told you.

Then say that in future if there is anything personal like that which she tells one of you but that both need to know, whoever she speaks to will say that both need to know and will check that she is happy for you to pass on the information or allow her the opportunity to do it herself if she would prefer.

lucyellensmum · 01/10/2007 19:07

i was very superstitious about telling people i was pregnant until it showed really. Could be that as yours is a small business there isnt the need for a hierachy to be laid out and she doesnt really get it. To be fair, to you and your dp this is a business and you are business people, but to this girl it is probably just a way of making a wage and she probably doenst give the place a second thought when she leaves and hasnt thought of you as her boss or not as her boss, if you see what i mean.

Original poster
SweetCherryPie · 01/10/2007 19:09

I am alot younger than my dp, that could be one reason. She is only 20 and can treat my dp like dirt sometimes by the way she talks to him. She is very mouthy to dp.

I have been in alot last week and this week training someone new. I think she feels a bit put out of place because i keep putting her straight over things she whines about. She hasn't been mouthy while i have been there but she has been known to question everything dp asks her to do and swears at him etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCherryPie · 01/10/2007 19:11

I only told two people i was pregnant. Gossip took care of it for me!

OP posts:
Vikkin · 01/10/2007 19:12

I have a lot of sympathy here.
My dp and I run a business together, he works fulltime in the workshop, I work parttime in the office. I am the only admin person and deal with everything on the admin side.
In the OP's situation there would be serious words between dp and myself - supposing I had attended an important forward-planning meeting with the accountants and had not had the knowledge that one of our staff was to require maternity leave which would affect the business's finances.
I am also the business's sole health & safety person - our staff have to know that I have as much right to give instruction as my dp.
However, I must say that dp is very clear on my role in the business. In our workshop, HE would be the last to know.
A definite "realignment meeting" needed between the two partners (I got that phrase from another thread - it's great innit)!

VoodooLULUmama · 01/10/2007 19:14

sounds like you don;t really like her or respect her

and that you think your DP lets her get away with murder

flowerybeanbag · 01/10/2007 19:16

If she's mouthy and swears at your DP sounds as though whether or not she thinks of you as her boss is not the only issue you need to deal with!

JustcallmeMAT · 01/10/2007 19:16

Is this the mouthy girl who walked out a few weeks ago? Has she came back again?

Were you sitting there when she asked your dp if she had told you?

If so, I would have used that as an excuse to say "Oooh told me what?" in a nice cmiley way

Original poster
SweetCherryPie · 01/10/2007 19:35

No i wasn't there when she asked. I do think she gets away with murder but thats a whole other issue! Dp wanted to sack her last week but then didn't when i told him he can't just sack her without giving written warnings first.

OP posts:
JustcallmeMAT · 01/10/2007 20:04

So it's the same girl then?

Only I thought I recalled you saying she had handed in her notice.

I think that unless you are on her contract as her boss then you shouldn't be pissed off.

Is there any other reason why she wouldn't want you to know? Apart from the obvious fact that neither of you like each other very much.

snowleopard · 01/10/2007 20:12

Noooo SCP, what I meant was, the bit where she said to him "you haven't told (SCP) have you?" and he said "no". Did you overhear them saying that? Or did your DP tell you that later?

The reason I'm asking is I'm wondering if the pregnancy is actually what she was referring to.

walbert · 01/10/2007 20:24

If he's legaqlly her boss and you're not, then even though you help your dp run the business then no, you've no right to know, and untilthe person who is pregnant wants their personal details to become public knowledge, then she doesn't need to tell you. I think you have two issues hgere: you do seem to have a (deserved or undeservbed) dislike of this girkl andthe fact she has told you dp and not you is annoying / upsetting you as i think you feel this is trying to some way come between you two, and also you are annoyed that your dp didn't tell her he had told you; The simple fact is that if your dp said 'yes, i told her' then whether you are his partner and help in that business or not, if you have no legal right to know and the staff asked that no one else be told then your dp coulsd have been in an awkward position legally?

walbert · 01/10/2007 20:25

Your posts suggest you don't like this staff and i get a feeling you feel there's potential for her to stir thuings between you and your dp?

Original poster
SweetCherryPie · 02/10/2007 19:45

JustcallmeMat. I think your talking about someone else because she has never handed in her notice?

And she doesn't have a contract.

OP posts:
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