Help me to stop chickening out of a confrontation

[LankylegsFromOz]

Delurking for my first ever post...

I need to confront someone tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit anxious.

My son is 11 and has aspergers and we have an almost 2 year old lab. We have a support worker that comes over twice a week. His first was a woman mid 20s, and his 2nd that started last Wednesday is the same.

I admit from the get-go my son talks alot. He goes to a mainstream school but obviously he has asd. Still he is a good kid and respectful to elders. Our dog is a typical juvenile male lab.

One of the things my son and his support worker likes to do is go to the dog park. Both son and dog loves other dogs and they have a great time. There is this man (around 60 yo) at the park and he thinks he owns it. At home we call him Mr Know-it-all. Over the last year he has been doing what I can only describe as low level bullying towards my son and dog. Never when me or DH there, only with the support worker. Snide comments about how much my son talks, obviously dislikes our dog, yells at him etc. He knows son is ASD, as my son is very open to everyone about it.

When son and new support worker went on Wednesday we warned her about him. Son hasn't been to the park for a few weeks as we were between support workers. This time he was the worst ever, calling dog 'a dick of a dog' just generally being unpleasant. He sidled up to support worker asking 'so what us your name.. are you the new support worker.. so I suppose you'll be here alot' (sniffing disapproval).

She was so uncomfortable she doesn't want to go back and I'm not going to force her, but..

Who the fuck does he think he is? Why should they go to a new dog park because if this bully picking on an autistic 11 year old boy? Nobody else in the park has a problem with them, just him.

So tomorrow, I'm taking the dog to the dog park to give this dickhead a piece of my mind. But I'm abit nervous and I need you guys to help me to not chicken out...

Brilliant op, well done! It sounds as though you handed it perfectly

👍👍👍 you should be very proud, let’s hope you lovely son and his dog can enjoy the park

Thank you so much everyone! If I didn't post here I could very well have chickened out. When I was walking down I was actually thinking of the Mumsnet collective, so thank you again for cheering me on.

Well done!

Oh and I must say, that when I said that part about the support workers, I think that's when the penny dropped as he said quietly 'I know'. So hopefully he realises that these poor women are just doing their job while he is prancing around like some fecking gob-shite! La la!

Oh and the look on his face when I was walking up to have a word with him was priceless

Amazing work! Well done!!!

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, instead of telling them you'll give the benefit of the doubt please say "I'll pretend to believe you this time" even add an "however..." for example "if you didn't know my son has ASD how would you know he had support workers" or "how come you made this joke [insert comment he's made which is obviously about your son's ASD]" which would really let him know you're well aware. And would also probably shock a lot of his gathering.

So pleased for you to do this, your son is one lucky boy!!

That's a huge thing for you to have done and I bet there won't be a peep out of Mr dickhead again. Don't underestimate what a brilliant thing you've achieved and done!

I think you've taught your son some wonderful life lessons there. And also shown him how strong his mum is, and how you're always in his corner. As PPs have said, he's a very lucky boy

Well done. You sound like a great mum and your son sounds lovely too 🙂👍

How confrontational do you want to be? Your child has a disability and that makes bullying him a criminal offense. Do you want to point that out to Mr Dickhead? Perhaps imply that any further bullying from him would lead to you reporting him to the police?
Things like this make me so angry. You shouldn't need to discuss your son's private medical details for other people to treat him kindly. Other people should be mature enough to be respectful just as their natural way of behaving.

I'd suggest writing down what points you want to make and run through it a couple of times. Also, don't go down the implied creepy pervert line; lies won't help you.

You may want to read OP’s update

Bloody fantastic - well done!

Just de-lurking to say you’re an awesome mum, OP

I'm so pleased you did it. Cherish the look on the fucker's face. You are right, he knew.

And now he won't try that crap again. You stood up to a bully and won. Go you and your awesome son (and dog)!

@Sparticuscaticus

Can you video him when you go down (it'll help you keep your cool) "You are harassing a disabled child- that's a criminal offence, you won't leave them alone. Why are you so interested in children that aren't yours? Stat away from my child, this is going to the police"

I'd do this. But I also agree that the support worker should've been more assertive when our with your child.

Well done OP! You were firm but very dignified!

Well done xx sending love, you're an amazing mumx

Brilliant! Well done on standing firm x

Well done OP. You sound like a lovely mum.

Well done 👏👏

Well done LankylegsFromOz

Well done OP, hopefully you won’t have anymore trouble from him now.

BUT and I’m sorry to say this as I know you’ll probably roll your eyes etc, PLEASE train your dog. Being a lab makes no difference whatsoever. Labs are working breeds who actually have a lot more capability than most to be well behaved. I imagine he’s big and that can cause problems if he’s charging up to other dogs etc in a small park.

I’m not for 1 second condoning this man’s actions, but just the way you are so flippant about your dog being ‘boisterous’ like it’s just this inevitable thing and you’re a passive ornament in his life that can’t do anything about it. He needn’t be boisterous, I have always had labs and none of them would ever be described as a ‘dick of a dog’ by anyone because I wouldn’t give them that chance. Any dog can be a dick if it’s allowed to be.

Well done you legend!

Do you not think this man might have some sort of mental health issues? I think I would tailor whatever I was going to say to suit, rather than go in all guns blazing.