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Original poster

Help me to stop chickening out of a confrontation

129 replies

LankylegsFromOz · 31/07/2020 22:39

Delurking for my first ever post...

I need to confront someone tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit anxious.

My son is 11 and has aspergers and we have an almost 2 year old lab. We have a support worker that comes over twice a week. His first was a woman mid 20s, and his 2nd that started last Wednesday is the same.

I admit from the get-go my son talks alot. He goes to a mainstream school but obviously he has asd. Still he is a good kid and respectful to elders. Our dog is a typical juvenile male lab.

One of the things my son and his support worker likes to do is go to the dog park. Both son and dog loves other dogs and they have a great time. There is this man (around 60 yo) at the park and he thinks he owns it. At home we call him Mr Know-it-all. Over the last year he has been doing what I can only describe as low level bullying towards my son and dog. Never when me or DH there, only with the support worker. Snide comments about how much my son talks, obviously dislikes our dog, yells at him etc. He knows son is ASD, as my son is very open to everyone about it.

When son and new support worker went on Wednesday we warned her about him. Son hasn't been to the park for a few weeks as we were between support workers. This time he was the worst ever, calling dog 'a dick of a dog' just generally being unpleasant. He sidled up to support worker asking 'so what us your name.. are you the new support worker.. so I suppose you'll be here alot' (sniffing disapproval).

She was so uncomfortable she doesn't want to go back and I'm not going to force her, but..

Who the fuck does he think he is? Why should they go to a new dog park because if this bully picking on an autistic 11 year old boy? Nobody else in the park has a problem with them, just him.

So tomorrow, I'm taking the dog to the dog park to give this dickhead a piece of my mind. But I'm abit nervous and I need you guys to help me to not chicken out...

OP posts:
JJXM · 01/08/2020 11:19

OP is protecting her child as she has every intention of confronting this bully. She’s just nervous about it and wants to not talk herself out of it. OP I bet you’ve spent almost every day of your life fighting to get the support your son needs and quite frankly that’s exhausting enough without having to put up with crap from members of the public.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 01/08/2020 11:21

"You have taken an unhealthy interest in my child, I am concerned about your behavior and I am asking you politely to leave him and his support worker alone. I will be reporting you to the police if you approach or speak to him again"

Get the support worker to video the conversation on a phone, and if he does approach them again report him to the police with evidence of the warning.

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/08/2020 11:24

I'd go with the first response you had.

LeoTimmyandVi · 01/08/2020 11:27

Good luck OP, I am also a confrontation hater but would feel exactly as you do in this situation!

dontdisturbmenow · 01/08/2020 11:27

Good luck OP. Whatever you do, don't lose your calm. Remain firm, keep your gaze up and don't say anything in a confrontational way.

Just having the guts to pick him up on his behaviour will likely be enough.

Tistheseason17 · 01/08/2020 11:31

Record the interaction on your phone, but with it face down so it captures the conversation without him knowing. Hit record before you see him.

TiddyTid · 01/08/2020 11:38

Good luck OP Thanks

MrDarcysMa · 01/08/2020 11:44

'Either you're bullying an 11 year old disabled child or you have an unnatural fixation on him. Either way it's very concerning so if you approach him or his support worker again I shall be going straight to the police, and earning other people who use this park about you'.
Don't get into an argument, don't respond to anything he says. X

Baconking · 01/08/2020 11:48

You could speak to the police and ask for a community support officer to visit. Give them all the details and see if they can arrange to go to the park at the same time and have a word with him

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 01/08/2020 11:51

Fuck me OP, my blood is boiling at this. When my son (also with ASD) was younger I'd see this sort of behaviour - making him the butt of jokes - from other kids in the park and I'd break my heart over it. It's disgusting that this man is trying to get other adults to gang up against your son. What a total prick.

You need to channel your inner lioness for this one. I hate confrontation too but who the fuck died and made him king of the dog park?

Malbecfan · 01/08/2020 11:59

OP, I have enormous sympathy for you. I teach a young man like your DS. Once he starts talking, that's it! Actually, I love listening to him because it's progress from when he hid under a table rather than joining in.

Anyway, before the confrontation, I would film/record his behaviour first. I've never used one but something like a GoPro might be useful. If there is any come-back, you already have a recording of this bully's behaviour before you step in. Good luck!

dappledsunshine · 01/08/2020 12:06

You've got this op. You sound confident and articulate, I'm sure you'll handle him perfectly. He sounds like an absolute knob.

LizB62A · 01/08/2020 12:11

You should report him to the police.
It's very unlikely that your son/dog are the only objects of his hate.
He's still doing it because people DON'T report him - odious man

WorraLiberty · 01/08/2020 12:30

Sorry if this has already been asked but how tiny is the park that there has to be so much contact with this man, when walking the dog?

81Byerley · 01/08/2020 12:51

I think you and the support worker are in a very difficult position, and I really feel for you. I do think you have to say something, but I would be non-confrontational (at least, at first). Perhaps say something like "My son's support worker thinks you have some sort of problem with my son and our dog. Is there anything I can help you with?" If you get into a conversation with him, you can expand on the things you have been told, and ask him not to make jokes about your son. And you can tell him that he makes the support worker feel uneasy about visiting a public park which is an important part of your son's life.

hadtojoin · 01/08/2020 15:31

I think the PP's idea about saying that 'his interest in your son is unhealthy and that you will go to the police if it continues' is no so much that you beleive him to be a paedo but to shock him into stopping any interaction in case you are serious.
You do need to try and stop this as soon as possible though as this kind of bully will not stop and it may escalate.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 01/08/2020 15:42

Good luck op. What a big brave man, bullying a woman and a young child.

LadyEloise · 01/08/2020 20:20

I hope it went well OP

RandomMess · 01/08/2020 20:27

I am fuming on your behalf op!

ROTFLBSST · 01/08/2020 20:57

Have been thinking of you OP, how did it go?

Original poster
LankylegsFromOz · 01/08/2020 21:39

Hey everyone, thanks for the advice and checking in. I'm in Australia so it's this afternoon.

I'm thinking of going with 81Byerley's advice and also, not taking DDog. It would be just like him, if I'm sticking up for him and I turn around to see him humping another dog Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
LankylegsFromOz · 01/08/2020 21:51

Oh snd to answer the question, the park is quite small but big enough for dogs to play. Thr owners all congregate in the middle to talk. Obviously, as DSon is talkative, he joins them (when he is not playing with the dogs). Everyone else treats him kindly, except Mr Know-it-all.

OP posts:
LadyGAgain · 02/08/2020 18:08

How did you get on?

itsgettingweird · 02/08/2020 18:20

I'm pleased you are going to stand up for everyone. It's to see someone calling out bad behaviour.

sonjadog · 02/08/2020 18:23

Good luck!