Deflated by children after giving them my all

[Atadaddicted]

I have just told both my children that tonight - I’m done. They can just go to bed and turn their own lights off (7.5 and 10, I always tuck them in).

I am just done today. It feels like no matter what I arrange (today.... a picnic, paddling in stream, some computer time, ice cream, pizza in front of a film.... it’s just bickering and bickering.

And if I ask them to do anything - take a plate in to the lounge, have a shower - huffing and puffing. My so even shouting “I WAS GOING TO!!” when I asked him to pick up a bit of pizza he’d dropped on the rug. I got cross at that point and pushed him through the door in to the kitchen, which I feel dreadful about but I’d just had enough. Enough.

They are beautifully polite; they are kind; do very well at school etc but it seems with me, their mother... painS in the arse (divorced. See father 3 weekends a month. Loving dad but ultimately - Disney dad)

You sound at the end of your tether!! Nothing wrong with sending them to bed for poor behaviour. Tomorrow is a new day.

You are not being unreasonable.

It's hot and humid and this year has gone on forever with us unable to get away from each other.

I've had one at home since the schools shut and just want 10 minutes where I'm not totally responsible for her, add the other child and DH and I'm sick of not having my own space.

YANBU to let them know you're done and they can belt up and get on with it. YWABitU to shove your SO out of the way, and should apologise. Maybe you need to deal with irritation 5 minutes before you lose your temper and go have a moment for yourself. I used to say 'ENOUGH' before I lost it and while I still had the ability to remain calm just

YANBU - you are a person too.

They need to understand that you have feelings and don't like being treated poorly.

I hope they give you a peaceful evening.

My lot are being just as ungrateful too.

Sad that could have been so lovely
As so many other days too

But the general attitude and bickering spoils so much

I am just done today. It feels like no matter what I arrange (today.... a picnic, paddling in stream, some computer time, ice cream, pizza in front of a film.... it’s just bickering and bickering.

This sounds as if you've fallen into the role of entertainment provider in chief, rather than parent, and they've started taking it for granted?

OP

Yanbu, it's ok to be overwhelmed or reach the end of your tether. It's hard and relentless! Sometimes you need a break, draw a line under it and recharge yourself.

I find the level of effort that goes in to anything increases my DDs dickheadery. Her behaviour is awful for me, absolutely fowl and gets worse if I try to do anything nice for or with her. Tonight I'm so sick of the pissing and moaning she's watching tv in her bedroom until she goes to bed. We had such a lovely day planned and she's cried, screamed and hit me all fucking day so fuck it.

Absolutely exhausting. Hope you have a refreshing night's sleep.

You should try letting them entertain themselves for a few days, and explain it's to help them to show gratitude. They're really old enough to.
Hugs to you OP

plus a bit of a calm talk tomorrow morning when all is calm about speaking respectfully to each other.. the world is tough enough at the minute without speaking rudely to each other .. most especially towards you. Next bit of bickering after that jump on it immediately and stop everything lovely that you are trying to do until they can de-escalate and be pleasant. It will be for your own benefit if you help them learn this now before teenage hormones hit. It is so hard being the parent .. so much best wishes to you in these very strange times

You know, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of benign reflect. Let them crack on with whatever they want while you do whatever

Perhaps they didnt want to do the things you organised. At 7 and 10 I'd expect them to be fairly self entertaining. What would happen if you put out cereal for breakfast and told them lunch will be at 1pm, dinner at 6pm and then left them to it. Read a book, watch crap TV

I gave up on bedtime for a week. Once he had his teeth brushed and was in his room I left him to it. Yes he stayed up too late and looked like a vampire but no one died and I have some peaceful evenings. It allowed me to reset and ever since I’ve said that I gave him the option of choosing his own bedtime and he made poor choices - but I’m a bitch.

I've had the constant company of a 7yo and 9yo (plus DH who tends to lurk either in the new "study" as he works or on our bedroom. (plus the TV in our lounge died)

I've recently registered that bedtime reading died some time ago. I'm just done by then.

The 7yo has been particularly trying and I think it's his way of trying to get some control in his life. He hasn't had school, or friends, or family, or activities/ sports. He is not a homebody. We are all finding it tough, but trying to talk about how we feel. He's not being personal, he's a small child in a very unnatural world that does not suit him. That doesn't mean he's allowed to get away with rudeness and defiance, but he does need the chance to redeem himself and talk about it and move on.

Send them to thier dads for a holiday for a few days, and have a rest. You deserve one.

This sounds as if you've fallen into the role of entertainment provider in chief, rather than parent, and they've started taking it for granted?

Agree. Try my mother's favourite line (later used by all her children on their own children!) if anyone said they were bored, "Oh great, you can help me with the housework." We soon learned to entertain ourselves .

My mother threw a teapot at us once and that was without the stress of lockdown!

It missed.

We were much better behaved for the next few days though.

(Just for the benefit of MN, we were obviously being abused and these early experiences totally affected my MH, leaving me completely unable to face a cuppa without extra biscuits, hence the fact that I am overweight and find dieting difficult.

Actually we'd been being little sods all day).

Mine are bickering non-stop too. But when I am at the end of my tether I remember that it has been really hard for them. They have basically been stuck with each other for months on end without seeing friends and it's bound to drive anyone mad. You too. We are all fed up. Be kind to yourself. Telling kids how it is every now and then is not going to kill them.
(Ps mine are often awful when it is hot)

I have real empathy, be kind to yourself.

Ahh Op. I bought my two up on my own. They used to bicker , argue , , nag every single day. They're 27 and 24 now. I miss those days . Before you know it they'll have grown up. ☹️

OP.. you need a break...

💐 for now!
(And pick your choice of: 🥗🍔🎂🍰🍫🧁🚴‍♀️🍷🥃🍸🍺)

YANBU
Feeling a little “enough” myself today after teens seem to be constantly asking for something from me.
It doesn’t do them any harm to be reminded you are a human being too! I really think they forget that sometimes!!

I could've written something similar today. I'm exhausted, kids are fed up of no structure, I'm sick of hearing tik tok songs and being a general dogsbody in this house, Husband has been working from home since March and I'm fed up of his work stuff everywhere. Have told them that they have until Sunday morning to sort their rooms out otherwise I will put it all in black sacks!

Am glad to be going to work tomorrow for a break!

You are not alone. Currently hiding in the car whilst their dad takes over. They are sick of playing with each other so want to play with me all the time. Here is only so much I can take before I start losing the plot!