Deflated by children after giving them my all

[Atadaddicted]

I have just told both my children that tonight - I’m done. They can just go to bed and turn their own lights off (7.5 and 10, I always tuck them in).

I am just done today. It feels like no matter what I arrange (today.... a picnic, paddling in stream, some computer time, ice cream, pizza in front of a film.... it’s just bickering and bickering.

And if I ask them to do anything - take a plate in to the lounge, have a shower - huffing and puffing. My so even shouting “I WAS GOING TO!!” when I asked him to pick up a bit of pizza he’d dropped on the rug. I got cross at that point and pushed him through the door in to the kitchen, which I feel dreadful about but I’d just had enough. Enough.

They are beautifully polite; they are kind; do very well at school etc but it seems with me, their mother... painS in the arse (divorced. See father 3 weekends a month. Loving dad but ultimately - Disney dad)

YANBU
So far this Summer holiday, my kids have thrown tantrums over being given ice cream and being given scones. Amongst many many other things, of course. These were just the ones that rendered me and my husband totally speechless. They’re absolute DICKS sometimes. My 7 year old A LOT of the time. She’s way worse than the 3 year old.

Same situation here OP, 1, 3, 6 and 7. Local park still not open, no car as had to give it up as couldn't afford it due to covid. DH works 7 days a week. İ have never been on my own apart from 3 dentist appointments in 7 years!!!! I'm finally batting to crack now. İnline my kids but I give them all my energy. They now entertain themselves. Apart from the one year old who sometimes paly's with the others unless it's rough then not. İ let them wake up whenever and do as they please all day and i am still exhausted! Ofcourse they are supervised! But I am also working from home. So this has been fun. They are happier doing what they want. But we will need to get back into a routine a couple of weeks before school starts.

They’re old enough to understand they’ve done wrong. Might be the short, sharp, shock they need to stop taking you for granted & show some respect.

I am a single mum, my girls (age 10 & 13) used to see their dad every other Saturday. That all stopped last year though & he rarely contacts them, which makes me sad, but I don’t mention it. I made myself chief entertainer though... we’ve always done so much (too much). At this point, I’ve realised it’s not a good thing. They always want to do stuff/go somewhere & they really don’t appreciate things other children/young people do. It’s my own fault... I’ve tried too hard. Nothing wrong with going to bed & leaving them to it. Have a pj day tomorrow... I dream about that! Mine go through about 4 outfits a day! So sick of washing/drying/ironing this year! Be kind to yourself... get yourself a glass of wine & relax x🍷

If it cheers you up I read that your 'chicken' had made you feel deflated.....

There must be something in the air as my 19 month old has been the whingiest little bugger today, i know its not the same as being back answered from a 7 and 10 year old but I feel your exhaustion tonight! Do whatever helps you chill out, tomorrow is a new and hopefully better day 😊

I think all parents go through this. Especially if they are lone parents. It's bloody hard work and kids occasionally/often like to push and push to see where the boundaries are. Now they know. Doesn't mean they won't push the boundaries again, just to check, but you won't have done any harm. Be kind to yourself, it's a tough job

Sat my dd 11 on the sofa for the day without tech after a bout of terrible attitude... she’s been lovely since.

Kids are infuriating at times

It’s ok. You sound awesome :) I’ve been the same this week, rarely lose it but this week I’d had enough! Don’t feel too bad, you are a human. I think our little darlings forget that sometimes!

I'm feeling the same today, I've actually been in tears. Been the my DS4, DS8 and DH I could honestly run away. Stay strong, you are not alone 😘. They take and take until you have no more left to give

Give yourself a break.

I hate all this perfect/Disney parenting with a passion.

If you can leave them to it for a few days and go do some child free things without them.

You are allowed, off you go...

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it gets any easier. I have a 16 and 17 year old, single parent since they were 3 and 5. They bicker more with me now than each other. I’ve given up trying to take them nice places this summer.

I’ve just told them off as I have got into bed after doing everything catching up from the week, I have been working full time (they been at home all week, tired and hot apparently) and DD2 started complaining about a stain on her carpet and DD1 started complaining about a spider and both stood at the end of my bed expecting me to get up and help them

But neither of them would help me earlier when I was sorting the house and garden out earlier for DD2’s birthday tomorrow - DD2 was complaining i was making too much noise and DD1 was pulling everything out looking for a balloon pump.

Then they will begrudgingly offer to help but need to be told word for word what to do for each task and have ‘forgotten’ to walk the dog in the afternoon for about 4 months now

Then have the cheek to complain we never do anything nice. I could do more nice things if you helped me!

You are not alone. Very similar at my end too.

Mommmmmmmmm, she looked at me!

Driving me potty with the silly bickering and squabbles. They always start just as I’m nursing the baby.

I’m disabled and shielded up to this weekend. It’s been a really difficult time for all. Homeschooling the both of them with a newborn has been a challenge- I think I’ve aged 20 years. It feels never ending.
We’ve all done well to keep them entertained, educated, fed and (mostly) happy.

I hope you get time to chill this weekend and just sit in the quietness of your house. Enjoy op, you’re doing a tough job brilliantly 🍷💐🧁🍧

I am so glad you posted this.... I have done this twice (sent them to bed and said sort it out yourselves, I’m done) and then felt guilty for days and weeks afterwards. It’s so so so so good to know I am not alone and not a horrible parent.

Yes, this has been a lovely and supportive thread.
Thank you all

Probably a case of cabin fever and too much disruption in their lives. They’ve not been able to go to school to learn and be with their friends. They’re home all the time. How long has it been since you and your ex separated? Maybe that’s frustrating them? Could their dad see them more often?

Same in our house. I have had even had 5 minutes alone since the 23rd March apart from when I'm asleep.
I think we have all reached the end of our tolerance for each other. When I feel angry about then bickering etc I try to remind myself that they are sick of each other too and never have a break or see anyone different.
I'm feeling slightly better now that we have a return date for school and I can see a light at the end of a very long tunnel

YANBU

I am a single parent and I tried to build it in to our schedule that I could withdraw to my room at 22.00 and not be interrupted. But I wasn't strict enough about it and I now have teenagers who just mess up the house, have to be paid to tidy up their own mess, and bicker with each other and with me. I also feel that our lives are spoilt by bickering sometimes.

Of course, OP, you do realise that this means you are entirely normal! Looking at all the responses on this thread it can, be seen that the vast majority of us have hit the same wall of problems! I get sick of all the Mary Poppins "practically perfect" mums too! I have had to snooze a few on facebook because I got so disheartened by their "fabulous feeds" ( "Look at the to scale model of the Nile Delta and Pyramids we have constructed to tie in with English Literacy homework! YES this is a true example!) I learnt to follow the old cliché" take each day as it comes" and do what you need to keep sane! This too shall pass!

op I raised 3 on my own. Their dad took them twice in 20+ years. They generally got along really well but it was overwhelming working, cooking, cleaning and entertaining them 24/7. It flies by and I would give my arm to have anyone of them at home now during this pandemic. You need a break and some "me time" to recharge yourself. Can you set up a routine for even 1/2 hour everyday to focus on you? Yoga, go for a walk, do your nails, anything that is just for you? Good luck, you can do this.

You sound to be doing really well - these are trying times . Extra sleep will be good for them!

Be really kind to yourself tonight: just treat yourself as well as you would treat someone else :)

No doubt all will be better tomorrow but if you want an entertaining experiment for the future - try our game:

In similar circumstances we introduced the 'three kind things' rule for our mini-mean-team.

If one of the little bickerers said something nasty, then they had to make up for this at once by saying three true and kind things about the person they had wronged. (Much help was required at first but they got the hang of it and loved being awarded the kind things when someone else failed to be polite.)

The side effects were
-a real effort not to be caught out being unkind (WIN for me!)

-and showing the siblings which of their good qualities the enemy had recognised. I am sure that this has stuck with them as they've grown up.

If all else fails, you can always unite them by being unreasonable and strict. They can hate you together - a lovely bonding experience.