Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Deflated by children after giving them my all

99 replies

Atadaddicted · 31/07/2020 19:02

I have just told both my children that tonight - I’m done. They can just go to bed and turn their own lights off (7.5 and 10, I always tuck them in).

I am just done today. It feels like no matter what I arrange (today.... a picnic, paddling in stream, some computer time, ice cream, pizza in front of a film.... it’s just bickering and bickering.

And if I ask them to do anything - take a plate in to the lounge, have a shower - huffing and puffing. My so even shouting “I WAS GOING TO!!” when I asked him to pick up a bit of pizza he’d dropped on the rug. I got cross at that point and pushed him through the door in to the kitchen, which I feel dreadful about but I’d just had enough. Enough.

They are beautifully polite; they are kind; do very well at school etc but it seems with me, their mother... painS in the arse (divorced. See father 3 weekends a month. Loving dad but ultimately - Disney dad)

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 31/07/2020 20:09

It's hard OP bless you Flowers

HugeAckmansWife · 31/07/2020 20:11

Yep. Mine are 9 and 10 and I'm also a LP. Sooooo bored of the whining and stroppiness. I've almost entirely given up on screen limits, just supervising WHAT they are watching, not how much. I cannot have my house be a battleground every minute of every day. I spend a lot of time 'busy' in the kitchen with R4 on for adult company. And I have lost it similarly on occasion, though I am keeping a proper bedtime where we all go upstairs and they get 10/15 mins alone with me and a story. They can read as late as they like but upstairs by 9 so. I get an evening.
OP it's, really hard. It just is and honestly I think just allowing large patches of autonomy, even if that means screens is the answer at this point.

BatShite · 31/07/2020 20:13

Ugh totally with you on the non-stop bickering. Its bloody ridiculous.

Even when they are both entertained, one just has to randomly poke the other one or something to set it off yet again.

No issue with you retiring for peace and leaving them to it every once in a while tbh, have done it myself. Mind, I have a 15 year old who 'keeps an eye' (when not staring at her phone) whe I have had enough..

randomer · 31/07/2020 20:19

Massive massive well done to you for being a brilliant parent. Can you get a little break at all.....ie walk round a park, time alone, a bath?

Original poster
Atadaddicted · 31/07/2020 20:21

I am so genuinely touched by these responses.

That have helped.

Nice end to the day (now of course feeling guilty and crap!) tucked both in and all ok.

Until tomorrow....!

OP posts:
rach2713 · 31/07/2020 20:24

I have 4 kids and at the end of my tether fighting arguing bickering it's driving me mad. Getting sick of the can I have CAN I HAVE she said he said. Got me mum over yesterday so I could get a shower on my own in peace to shut off for half hour. I understand it's been hard on the kids with not being in school but it's also been hard on the parents aswell..

randomer · 31/07/2020 20:32

Dont feel guilty. You ae doing the most important job ever.

Redshoeblueshoe · 31/07/2020 20:37

🍷 I remember those times but without lockdown. It wasn't easy.
Please be kind to yourself Flowers

PablosHoney · 31/07/2020 20:39

Kids can be so ungrateful it can feel like a kick
in the teeth but you aren’t alone and it was so humid and fractiousness inducing weather today

thepeopleversuswork · 31/07/2020 20:46

I could have written this and I only have one. I've felt throughout lockdown that my sole role is to prepare meals and unlock the computer so she can play games on it. Any attempt at shared quality time of any kind is rebuffed and yet I'm rarely left alone to my own devices. It's a lose/lose.

I'm exhausted and demoralised by it. I don't think its unusual though in the scheme of things. But hope you get some down time.

Russellbrandshair · 31/07/2020 20:53

No advice but just want to empathise. I feel the same. Agree with others that lockdown has been brutal- as someone in this thread else says:

It's hot and humid and this year has gone on forever with us unable to get away from each other

I've had one at home since the schools shut and just want 10 minutes where I'm not totally responsible for her, add the other child and DH and I'm sick of not having my own space

This is me too basically and I’m really fed up of it.
It fcking sucks. Hugs, and just remember you arent alone. 🌹🌹🌹

suzy2b · 31/07/2020 20:55

I have 2 granddaughters 5 & 11 they fight scream wined each other up 11yr will not do as she is told answers me back can't wait for Sept when they go back to school i'm going on a long holiday

Coldspringharbour · 31/07/2020 20:55

💐💐💐💐💐 being a parent is a thankless and over rated task. It’s hard work with little reward. I think we just have to tell ourselves that everything is out of context at the moment. Tomorrow is another day. Hope you get some rest tonight.

WichBitchHarpyTerfThatsMe · 31/07/2020 20:56

Don't beat yourself up OP. You're doing your best and you too are a human being. Kids sometimes forget that we are individuals with feelings and needs ourselves. It's no crime to have to remind them now and again.

Chocolateoo · 31/07/2020 20:56

Kids suck sometimes. You are a mum but also a person. With feelings! You've very likely had your kids at home for months now. No school. Or you've been working and stressed! But either way it's been a long few months. It's been a tiring testing time. We are trying to give our kids education and fun. We are trying to let them feel like kids still. But we are getting nothing much for ourselves. No peace and quiet or time to ourselves.

I don't know about you but I'm constantly cleaning, cooking and trying to occupy them. I've not been feeling my best lately. Lockdown has mushed by head up and it's been abit rough. I often need to just pop upstairs for five minutes when my partner can take over.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Kids need to learn and understand we have feelings too. We feel sad, frustrated and tired sometimes. We even sometimes feel cross. All normal things!

Get yourself an early night. Bath and book or whatever you like to do. Don't worry. All kids get the same treatment sometimes. Sometimes you do everything and they act like miserable monsters lol. They are just being kids but it's irritating when you get no you time at the moment.

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 31/07/2020 20:57

I also gave up today op. Took my Bluetooth speaker (not loud!) outside and got on with some gardening.. Left 4 x dc to their bloody screens!!

gluteustothemaximus · 31/07/2020 20:59

Even when they are both entertained, one just has to randomly poke the other one or something to set it off yet again.

Oh god, yes.

user1494055864 · 31/07/2020 21:12

I had a shit week with my youngest. Mine bicker, but I'm used to it, as they are older than yoursGrin but it's their attitude towards me that gets me down. The more I do for them, the more they expect. My youngest paints me as the worst mother ever, and I do so, so much for her. My dh had an unexpected day off today, and suggested we have a nice family day out, and I said No!! I had online learning to do, and I wasn't about to change my plans to fit in and be a doormat mum again today.

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/07/2020 21:12

Push= shove= physical assault on other threads. So, YABU to shove your small child into another room.

PatriciaPerch · 31/07/2020 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 31/07/2020 21:21

You are absolutely right, sometime its OK to show your kids that you are a human being with feelings too. I am sure that my two did nothing but argue for about a year, drove me to distraction. DS is 21 and has just arranged to go and pick his younger brother up from his Uni town to bring him home for the weekend so they can play in a cricket match tomorrow and go to the pub tomorrow night, I remember when they were 8 and 10 I would have never have thought they would ever be friends!

Enjoy some time to yourself, tomorrow is another day

oakleaffy · 31/07/2020 21:24

No excuse for bratty behaviour or shouting at you- I am frequently surprised at parents being trampled over and even slapped about by their quite young children.
Nip it in the bud young, or lose control totally when hormones kick in.
Apologise for pushing them, but you are absolutely not Unreasonable for letting them know their behaviour is unacceptable.

It has been like one vast long summer holiday with families thrown together.
Even my neighbours with two “ good” little DC lost the plot, the mum swearing and one of the DC saying
“You’re a horrible parent” in a bratty way😂

FraughtwithGin · 31/07/2020 21:26

Oh dear, did you miss the memo about being a mother?
You are more disciplinarian than the Spanish Inquisition, YOU set the rules and the boundaries. YOU decide what does and does not happen and YOU also decide on measures to show disapproval of bad behaviour - or what YOU have decided is unacceptable behaviour.
It takes from 0 - between 3 and 5.
It is relentless. There are few rewards. You have to keep going because, eventually, you get lovely, polite humans.
Good manners and social behaviour begin and are nurtured at home, but YOU have to teach them, they are not acquired by osmosis.

Immigrantsong · 31/07/2020 21:26

OP YANBU. I too am feeling like this a lot. I know I love them, but I wish there was a pause button for me to have a time out of the parenting malarkey every now and then. It's hard graft. Solidarity.

OhioOhioOhio · 31/07/2020 21:28

Same in this house op. Mine go to their bastard pig dad tomorrow and whilst I don't relish that I'm desperate for a rest.

Swipe left for the next trending thread