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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you cut someone off who behaved like this?

92 replies

Maoams · 31/07/2020 18:55

We have lived in our house for 10 years. Our neighbours have lived there for longer. We've always got on well with them, but the woman in particular is very much an 'I say it like it is' person who can be very catty and unpleasant if someone gets on the wrong side of her. Someone that we know was in her year at school and said she was a bully, and she's never changed really. She has always been very vocal about anything we do that she doesn't like, such as she didn't like it when we did an extension 3 years ago, and was very rude and unpleasant about it, despite the fact that they did a very similar extension a couple of years before that.

We've always tried to stay on the right side of her, mainly because it would have caused aggro to fall out. When her children were younger I'd help her out during school holidays when she was at her job (she's always worked from 9 - 12 each day), and would always do things like take in parcels for them and just generally tried to be good neighbours.

Over the past couple of years I have noticed that she has been very cold and offhand with me, as if she'd suddenly decided that she didn't like me. It has been things like ignoring me at times if she is in the front garden and I arrive home if I say 'hello', whilst at other times she comes over to chat, she sometimes blanks me if I see her out anywhere, and one night earlier this summer they had a BBQ that went on very late. I went to let the dog out in our back garden and could hear her and some friends that they had at the BBQ talking about us and saying we were "cunts" plus a load of other stuff such as she can't stand us. She has also said to a friend of mine that she works with that she doesn't believe that my son has a medical condition that he has been diagnosed with.

I decided to be icily polite after that but no more chatting to her or being smiley or helping her out in anyway. In the last couple of weeks, however, we have had a few times where we have had dog shit on our driveway first thing in the morning, that wasn't there before we went to bed, and wasn't done by our dog as she is only let in the back garden after her evening walk. When it happened again a couple of days ago, DH looked on our doorbell camera and it showed her letting her dog on our driveway early in the morning and standing at the end of the driveway whilst the dog shit. And again this morning, dog shit! Checked the camera and the same thing again. Honestly, if we let our dog do that on her driveway she would come and smash our windows!

Would you totally cut off/blank someone who has behaved like this? Like I said, I've always tried to be pleasant for neighbourly reasons but I am thinking Fuck That now!

OP posts:
Pumpertrumper · 31/07/2020 18:59

I’d post the footage on your local Facebook site and report her to the police. Likely just a fine but no doubt she’ll be left red faced!

Maoams · 31/07/2020 19:00

Honestly though she's so rough she'd just come round here and smash our window or punch me!

OP posts:
mornington222 · 31/07/2020 19:01

I think involve the police as it is not as if the dog could not have been stopped and moved away.

Yes no more contact.

Piglet89 · 31/07/2020 19:02

Yes I would definitely cut off. My neighbour has blanked me in the street several times; I have absolutely no compunction about blanking her now. Why on earth would I make the effort?

Pumpertrumper · 31/07/2020 19:03

In that case I would just report to the police. I’d tell them of her anti social behaviour too and that you’re feeling very intimidated that you/your property will be damaged by her.

Or perhaps just stick a note through her door telling her you have doorbell camera footage of her letting her dog poo on your drive and if it doesn’t stop you will report it.

Maoams · 31/07/2020 19:04

Thank you everyone for the replies! I usually am not keen on confrontation or drama and just try to keep the peace but I get to a stage where when I'm done, I'm done!

To add too, I don't live on the estate from the TV show Shameless (Chatsworth estate, was it?), even though it sounds like I do. It's actually a lovely road in a really lovely village. Everyone else is great, and we love living here. Apart from her.

OP posts:
hellswelshy · 31/07/2020 19:04

She sounds horrendous. Totally cut her off. If she asks for a favour ever again, say no and tell her why calmly. I would be seething about the dog poo.....

Oysterbabe · 31/07/2020 19:05

You need to do more than just cut her off, you need to call her out. Start by sending her the footage.

feistyoneyouare · 31/07/2020 19:06

Why are people voting YABU to this?!

Maoams · 31/07/2020 19:08

Honestly, she is not the kind of person I could call out. She rants and raves at her husband and kids so loudly that the whole street hears. She's not one for discussion, she just kicks off.

OP posts:
AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 31/07/2020 19:08

I had a neighbour like this, she was rough as fuck and to be honest I was shit scared of her! She was very hot and cold, one minute she would be all over me offering to help me carry my shopping and the next she would completely blank me. I hate hot and cold people like that, you never know where you are. If I was you I'd just go out of my way to avoid her. Does she own or rent? If she owns... would you consider moving?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 31/07/2020 19:09

The thing is, if she behaves like this, will she care if you cut her off?

This is absolutely NOT me siding with her - she sounds vile. But what do you want to achieve?

Pipandmum · 31/07/2020 19:09

Can you go out while the dog is doing its thing and confront her then - the pair of you, not you on your own.

CalmdownJanet · 31/07/2020 19:09

I wouldn't let her away with it because she is rough, fuck that, rough people count on people to do that so they get away with this shit. I'd check the time on the ring doorbell and lay in wait till I found her at it again and would confront her in the act or I'd knock on her door and tell her straight up that I had her recorded and to stop it or the recording will be on the local fb page. Like fuck her if she is rough, what can she do? She isn't gonna punch you and is actually less likely to do something if she knows you will stand up to her, that's how all bullies work

Annabesque · 31/07/2020 19:11

@StillCoughingandLaughing I guess what I want to achieve is just not having anything to do with her again. I don't think I could even bring myself to say a semi polite hello to her right now.

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 31/07/2020 19:11

Bag it up and knock and hand her the bag..

TorkTorkBam · 31/07/2020 19:11

You get the bad treatment BECAUSE you don't stand up for yourself not DESPITE it. Bullies pick on those who won't fight back.

Get up early and put the dog poo on her drive shortly after she fails to pick it up from your driveway. Say nothing to her. Deny all knowledge if she says anything, while giving her a hard Paddington stare. Mainly avoid though. She's a cunt. Don't keep the peace but don't start a war if she keeps herself to herself.

InFiveMins · 31/07/2020 19:13

Confront her OP. I know it's 'scary' but she is taking the piss and it will get worse cos she's getting away with it. square up to her and tell her to pack it in.

Annabesque · 31/07/2020 19:15

Once at the local shop she pulled up in the car park right next to another car, got out and smacked her car door on the other car. The other car owner got out to see if any damage was caused and she went nuts, effing at him, threatening him, calling him a cunt. He was actually very polite and reasonable. I was in the car park at the time and it was embarrassing, and actually quite scary, to witness.

Maoams · 31/07/2020 19:15

Argh, bloody name change fail!

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 31/07/2020 19:16

Sorry op but you have been a complete push over so far. If it was me I would probably go and throw the dog shit on her front window. No chance would I have been looking after her child or doing anything other than give her a dirty look after everything she's said about you.

BackwashOfEffluent · 31/07/2020 19:18

@TorkTorkBam

You get the bad treatment BECAUSE you don't stand up for yourself not DESPITE it. Bullies pick on those who won't fight back.

Get up early and put the dog poo on her drive shortly after she fails to pick it up from your driveway. Say nothing to her. Deny all knowledge if she says anything, while giving her a hard Paddington stare. Mainly avoid though. She's a cunt. Don't keep the peace but don't start a war if she keeps herself to herself.

I have to say that this is exactly what I came on to post.

Some people are arseholes. We have one like this, we live on a vehr vehr naice street and she’s the resident fishwife. This is exactly the kind I’d garbage she’d pull.

Just plop it on her drive (use a snow shovel).

If she calls you out invite her to watch the footage.

That could then a) open up a chance to get to the bottom of this or b) escalate matters and you need to involve the police.

Warning; neighbourly disputes need to be declared should you decide to move (I think)

Good luck OP.

BlodwynBludd · 31/07/2020 19:19

If she's that bad I would be really underhand about it. Not confront her but show footage to lots of ppl that know her. Wouldn't achieve anything but would make me feel better.

Warpdrive · 31/07/2020 19:19

You do need to open the door when she does it next and tell her to bag it up.

"Please can you bag that up and remove it"

If she says no, then put marigolds on, pick it up and fling it in her face.

She is vile.

mineofuselessinformation · 31/07/2020 19:21

The thing is, if you cut her off, she'll carry on doing as she pleases.
Get a shovel and shovel the shit up.
Take it round to hers, knock and say 'This is yours. Do you want it as it is or do you want to get a bag?'
Drop it on her doorstep if she doesn't get a bag and tell her every time it happens you will return it.
Then walk away, totally ignoring her.

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