To not go on my family holiday?!

[Gruffalomom]

We are due to go to Devon for a week S/C from tomorrow, myself and DH and our two young DC.

Right now I can't think of anything worse 😢. I feel awful saying that but I really can't.

I'm a sahp so lockdown had been easier on me than on those juggling work and children but I'm just so done in 😢.

I'm so sick of scivvying unappreciated for the 3 of them , and the thought of doing that somewhere else plus having to keep them entertained without everything we have at home just fills me dread.

One of my DC has additional needs and is always hard work to keep safe out and about and I'm going to have to watch him every second. He can't cope with restaurants so it'll be all take outs and cooking at the cottage - more work for me.

My tolerance level and patience is on the floor at the moment and I'm already feeling awful at snapping more than usual. I'm trying to get the house tidied and all the packing done before we go (obviously that's been my job too).

How unreasonable would I be to just send them off for holiday without me? 🙈.

I know I'm totally unreasonable, I'm just hoping maybe there is someone else out there that also has these horrible thoughts ??

I’d feel exactly the same. Why are you skivvying for no appreciation? That’s a bigger issue than the holiday.

What’s he likely to say if you suggest staying at home while he goes?

Sounds exhausting but why did you leave it so late?
YANBU for not wanting to go, but
YABVU for leaving it to last minute

Just say what you said here. That you think you need a holiday from them all and why. Why does their father do so little?

Time to go back to work full time?

I've been asking DH for the last month to reschedule it. The family time would have been nice if not for lockdown but we would all be much fresher.

He seems to think that we will enjoy it once we get there and it'll be different than being at home as he will be available to help (he has worked ft from home throughout).

I've not been firm enough I think in saying I don't want to go. The added work of preparing to go away as pushed me over the edge I think. It's not like there is loads extra but mentally I'm tired and having to think about what we all need , and what needs to be clean and ready to pack - and the actual packing has felt much worse than it really is I suppose.

The kids are hyper and excited as DH has been winding them up about and it has made the last few days just miserable trying to get anything done.

They are all so very excited but I just can't muster any enthusiasm at all :(

I refuse to go on self-catering holidays. It's the one thing I won't compromise on.
It's just the same shit, but in the sun.

You need a break of some sort, and you need to explain that to DH and get him to give you a break by taking on some of what you normally do - perhaps he can take on the cooking and washing up, or take the kids out for a couple of hours every afternoon so you can relax as well as cook. Make it specific; not "help with the cooking" or "be in charge of the kids some of the time".

The first year we camped, my mum offered my dad the choice of doing the cooking or looking after the kids while she did it. He opted for the cooking. What's more, he was still doing the cooking when the kids no longer needed looking after!

Wallywobbles you might be right, but normally I love being around for the kids but the last few months have just been a bit full on

Where are you going?

I ask because we're just home from a few days in Plymouth. Plymouth people don't do social distancing! Not like the way we do in North Wilts anyway.
If I'm ever going to get The Covid, it will have been from Plymouth.

Where abouts and how far from home?

Near Torquay. About 5 hours drive

Good advice lanthanum thank you x

Tell your DH your ill and let him go with the DC!

You sound so down and like you could really do with a mental health break,were all supposed to be encouraged to do that now when we need to, there are more and more buisinesses that are starting to acknowledge that you don't need to be physically ill to need some time off.

If he moans tell him you think your coming down with something,it sounds like you take on all of the mental load for your family so it's not suprising you feel so done in,let him take over and get an idea of what life is like for you,you never know he may come back a changed man who notices when he should be helping without having to be asked or told.

This sounds like more than the holiday, its no good having building resentments towards a partner...is he generally useless?

Another one who refuses to go on holiday unless I don’t have to lift a finger.
It’s the same shit otherwise but a different view.

Would your husband actually take them
alone?

Could you compromise and suggest doing 3/4 days with the chance to review.
You may have a brilliant time op, a change is as good as a rest etc etc even though it wouldn’t be seen as a holiday for me.

Tell him your terms for going and see if he steps up.

You sound as though you could really do with a holiday OP, but at home without the responsibilities. Send them off together - DH and DC - and they will enjoy it in their way while you can take all the timne you want on your own at home. It sounds lovely. Imagine - feet up in the garden with glass of wine, only eat meals when you feel like it.
Also it won't hurt your DH to take on the childcare for the holiday. Everyone happy. Hope it works out. Enjoy.

Right then. I feel like you are resigned to going. What would make it exciting? I know that's hard to think of at the moment - totally understandable you sound run down. I just went on a family holiday and took my running gear and swam in the sea everyday. These things are life affirming for me. Is there anything you love doing that would be good for the soul? Set out to DP what you want to do and ask for him to do the necessary to make it happen. You need this and you deserve it.

Surely when you go on a family holiday, you take stuff for the kids to do?
buckets and spades, out door games like frisbee , indoor games like cards, family board games, books, DVDs.

Your contribution to holiday  catering is, draw up a week's  menu of lunches/dinners and a shopping list  and give it to DH. His contribution  is to buy the  shopping list and  make the family meals.

. Forget cooking; menu should be cheap convenience picnic meals out of packets and cans sold in any supermarket . Packets of ham, cans of tuna, corned beef, baked beans; oven chips, readymade pizza, macaroni cheese. Milk, cheese, bread, jam, shop cake, booze. If they want puddings, yoghurt pots, fresh fruit, icecream.

That's how to enjoy self catering with young kids, No restaurant hassles, no timetable, hardly any washing up. Which of course DH will share, and so can children. If you get a nice day , go out for fish and chips on the beach.

I have to say OP the packing before the holiday is always the worst bit! I used to always wonder why my mum got so stressed, now I understand! It is normal for the DC to be overly hyped up. But honestly I think it is too late now and I think a change of scene might be good for you? Once you get there, you could insist on dh cooking etc/easy food/takeaways.

Just an idea but could you go off for a day by yourself?
Could you split up and take the dc who can handle a restaurant out for lunch or dinner?
It doesn’t have to be the same as at home.

@eatsleepread

I refuse to go on self-catering holidays. It's the one thing I won't compromise on. It's just the same shit, but in the sun.

Plus the SC kitchen never has a decent peeler or knife or the pots are all too small so it's an extra fucking pain trying to do what you do at home, with fuck all decent equipment and then there's always a key seasoning or spice you didn't bring. It's actually MORE work than pulling a meal together at home. I also refuse to do it. And since I also do the legwork of finding us the perfect holiday every year, eating lunch and dinner out is factored into the budget accordingly. I'll pour you a bowl of cereal or make coffee but that's it.

I always feel like that before we go anywhere OP. I feel utterly fed up and exhausted and ALL the packing and preparation always falls to me. But once we're away and DH isn't working so he's actually some help and we're not just in the same four walls it's lovely. If you refuse to go you'll all be stuck at home next week with everyone resentful of you for ruining their holiday. So I'd take a deep breath and go and you never know, it might actually be rather lovely. We went away in early July and after four months stuck at home it was just so nice to be somewhere else!

For a start, if you do go forget cooking.

Buy buffet type bits and pieces (If finds allow)...pre-packed salad, ready to cook pasta, cheese, tomatoes, cold meats, hummus, bread, coleslaw, couscous... simple things that can be eaten cold or that just need warming up with no preparation. It’s summer, there is no need to be slaving over a hot stove. If you have a garden in your self-catering accommodation then have a BBQ with your DH doing the cooking.

Then negotiate time by yourself while you are there. Maybe a couple of hours each day or half a day every two days, something like that. Your time to go and sit somewhere with a coffee and a book, a wander round the shops, a walk on the beach or perhaps arrange a nice little spa treatment...a massage, having your nails done.

Personally because it is short notice I would go because I would be gutted if my DH decided he didn’t want to go away at the last minute. However, tell your DH what you need and book it in for yourself. And don’t cook. This is your holiday too. No cooking. End of.